Sometimes I Just Want It To End!

[BlackSG91]

There are things to discus but honestly I really want to end my life. I don't want to die...I want to live but there are feelings of suicide I can't control. It is that bad!!!!

 

[BlackSG91]

I always try to feel better but somehow it does not work. Sometimes it feels like everyone is my enemy.


;>)/

 

[BlackSG91]

I'm not well...I need help.


;>)/

 

[USMarine75]

You should discuss with a mental health professional immediately.

1-800-273-8255

 

[BlackSG91]

You should discuss with a mental health professional immediately.

1-800-273-8255

I live in Canada...is the phone number U.S.? Thanks for replying. God bless you.


;>)/

 

[budda]

833-456-4566 in Ontario. Please call.

 

[soliloquy]

833-456-4566 in Ontario. Please call.

came here to give this number

@BlackSG91, please take care of yourself, and call them!

 

[BlackSG91]

Every time I watch this video I cry. He is such a gentle person who loves playing piano. My goal is to play guitar and make people happy...just like he wants to...by playing piano. Please watch.



;>)/

 

[odibrom]

Sometimes life plays tricks on us, there's no reason why nor perceivable a purpose. Some times all we can do is to ENDURE and RESIST. You are not yet done here, there's a whole lot of YOU that still needs to be shared with the world, FIND IT.

I can't do anything else but throw words in here. I'm no doctor, nor live in Canada (more on the other side of the Atlantic pond), but maybe I can share a few more positive thoughts.

Can you share a bit more of context? What was the chain of events that led you to these feelings? What are your anchors, your "safe places"? What can you do about your present life, can you go for a walk in the nature or to the beach? Changing panoramas and horizons usually helps to clear the mind for a while, it's like re-charging our own batteries (yeah, I know, cliché, but it actually works)... maybe all you need is a new perspective... what can be changed in your life? what is needed to change in your life?... and according to whom?

 

[USMarine75]

Every time I watch this video I cry. He is such a gentle person who loves playing piano. My goal is to play guitar and make people happy...just like he wants to...by playing piano. Please watch.



It is never healthy to have your self-worth tied to what others think of you.

;>)/

 

[High Plains Drifter]

Please know that you have support and positive options. Your life and your health matters.

 

[BlackSG91]

Sometimes life plays tricks on us, there's no reason why nor perceivable a purpose. Some times all we can do is to ENDURE and RESIST. You are not yet done here, there's a whole lot of YOU that still needs to be shared with the world, FIND IT.

I can't do anything else but throw words in here. I'm no doctor, nor live in Canada (more on the other side of the Atlantic pond), but maybe I can share a few more positive thoughts.

Can you share a bit more of context? What was the chain of events that led you to these feelings? What are your anchors, your "safe places"? What can you do about your present life, can you go for a walk in the nature or to the beach? Changing panoramas and horizons usually helps to clear the mind for a while, it's like re-charging our own batteries (yeah, I know, cliché, but it actually works)... maybe all you need is a new perspective... what can be changed in your life? what is needed to change in your life?... and according to whom?

Thanks for answering When I was around 10 years old I sat in a public park bench and some fat old white man sat beside me and started rubbing my leg and kept rubbing...and then he rubbed closer towards my privates and then He whispered in my ear calling me a dirty little Asian whore. I punched several times n the face and I ran away. This is not the first time....4 more times after.


;>)/

 

[Spaced Out Ace]

Thanks for answering When I was around 10 years old I sat in a public park bench and some fat old white man sat beside me and started rubbing my leg and kept rubbing...and then he rubbed closer towards my privates and then He whispered in my ear calling me a dirty little Asian whore. I punched several times n the face and I ran away. This is not the first time....4 more times after.


;>)/

No offense intended, but this is not the place to divulge that information. I'd maybe discuss it with the number that was given earlier in the thread (where they can possibly suggest a good therapist, group, or psychologist), or perhaps search for one yourself. This make take some doing, as it sometimes requires trying a few out before you find the one that is right for you.

I'm not saying this to upset you, but rather to assist you to get a better outlet. This way, you'll get more help to come to terms with what happened.

I'm sorry this happened to you, though, as I'm sure all here feel the same way. You're a good poster here, and I'd hate to lose you.

Please seek proper help and outlets with past or present experiences that are affecting you in such a way where suicide is even apart of the discussion as an option.

Take care.

 

[Spaced Out Ace]

I agree that it is never healthy to allow others to affect you to that level. Your self worth should not be tied to what others feel about you. It can lead you down dark roads, doing drugs and other self destructive stuff. Sometimes, mom or dad are never going to give you the assurance or respect you need. Unfortunate, but true.

 

[High Plains Drifter]

@BlackSG91 - This might not mean much but take it fwiw- Sometimes when I come here and I can't seem to connect to many of the current discussions, I'll see that you've posted in the "what are you listening to?" thread... and I can always bet that I'm gonna really dig what you're sharing or at least find it interesting. You've got genuinely unique musical taste and there have been times that you've turned me onto a song or band that I've never even heard of.

In that regard, you have many times been inspirational to me and I just want to thank you for that. Music is sometimes one of the only places that I can find solace and I greatly appreciate you being a part of that.

 

[Spaced Out Ace]

@BlackSG91 - This might not mean much but take it fwiw- Sometimes when I come here and I can't seem to connect to many of the current discussions, I'll see that you've posted in the "what are you listening to?" thread... and I can always bet that I'm gonna really dig what you're sharing or at least find it interesting. You've got genuinely unique musical taste and there have been times that you've turned me onto a song or band that I've never even heard of.

In that regard, you have many times been inspirational to me and I just want to thank you for that. Music is sometimes one of the only places that I can find solace and I greatly appreciate you being a part of that.

This.

 

[odibrom]

Thanks for answering When I was around 10 years old I sat in a public park bench and some fat old white man sat beside me and started rubbing my leg and kept rubbing...and then he rubbed closer towards my privates and then He whispered in my ear calling me a dirty little Asian whore. I punched several times n the face and I ran away. This is not the first time....4 more times after.


;>)/

That's... unfortunate to say the least.

Have you considered joining a martial arts class? Self defense is a must for everyone, specially for girls/ladies. Finding a martial arts school that suits our needs ain't easy, some are competitive, others aren't (personally, I'm not). The gains in joining a martial arts school are tremendous:

• Self Esteem
• Strength & Flexibility / Health improvement
• Reflexes / Adaptability / Sharpness
• Knowledge on how to possibly engage an opponent
• Peace of mind / Mindfulness
• Ability to read others' body expression and act accordingly (avoiding danger situations)
• Focus
• Learning how to use weapons like sticks, blades and articulated ones... which is super useful when in need to find a tool to use for defense.
• The sense of belonging and being part of a family... of your choice!
• The sense of being in control of your life.
• The liberty of saying NO with the size of a mountain.
• The liberty to express yourself with confidence.

As with all human activities, there are also some down points

• There will always be someone that may fall for you or will try to take you out, martial arts schools are generically low on girls numbers and high on testosterone.
• Muscle pain
• Possible injuries
• Fatigue
• Smelly Sweat... lots of it...
• Possible change of perspective on life and all the changes it brings along (this isn't necessarily a down point, but it's sometimes very hard to make it functional).

In my opinion, it's never too late to join in a martial arts school, they are a sort of a "psychologist office" (none replaces the other and both have their places), but with a practical approach and specially, a BODY-MIND connection that you won't get anywhere else (not even in music) because these go deep in one's survival mode within a controlled environment. You can't imagine the number of times I was about to get mugged and talked my way out of it without even throwing a punch (since I've been practicing martial arts), and even with a guitar on my back. Nowadays, things simply don't happen...

Yoga classes are also cool, they ignite a self awareness that few other activities can achieve. They'll share all the health benefits of martial arts and will deepen them, but lack the interaction with the other as well as the knowledge of how to engage.

... food for thought...

... when the mind/soul gets clouded, focus on the energy vessel your body is (matter is energy as Einstein said), eat healthier, practice exercise. It will help you to reconnect your body-mind existence that society tends to break apart. Martial Arts / Yoga / Chi Kung / Tai Chi (which is a style of Kung Fu) are guided tours on this matter...

 

[BlackSG91]

It also reminds me of how my mother said I was born out of her asshole...she fondled me at times and called me a dirty little pig...this interview explains the two fingers.




;>)/

 

[odibrom]

It also reminds me of how my mother said I was born out of her asshole...she fondled me at times and called me a dirty little pig...this interview explains the two fingers.

;>)/

That's not how a mother should behave, but unfortunately it happens too often, either from mothers as from fathers. I feel for you. Parent issues are hard to come by, if ever, and I know of some close ones that are still going on even after the parent's death... god speed and may the guitar/music be with you.

If you got curious about martial arts and have doubts, ask away...

... also, it's very important to learn to let go, the past is a library, not the path shead...

 

[BlackSG91]

;>)/