Beamz Music Performance System: the theremin for idiots.

[Abhorred]

It is my proud and sincere honour to present to you all, my esteemed and dignified colleagues, the invention that will cause you to throw each and every piece of musical equipment you presently own out the nearest window. If your equipment is, for any reason, outside, please throw it through the window of an unsuspecting neighbour. The point is, you won't need it anymore. Ever.

Why?

Because you are now going to purchase a beamz Music Performance System, and enter a new level of creativity.

The beamz Music Performance System

• Amazing laser-based invention lets music-lovers be musicians — regardless of talent or training!
• Breaking the laser beams with your hands automatically generates pre-authored pulses, streams, riffs or loops of musical notes or sounds from hundreds of different instruments — strings, keyboards, woodwinds, brass, percussion, even cow bell.
• Choose a complementary rhythm track from 30 original songs in 19 music genres, including jazz, bluegrass, classical, hip-hop, reggae, heavy metal and more. Or create your own track!
• The beamz system has a "W" shape, with six laser beams spanning the two sections; connect via USB to your PC or laptop, then hook up some speakers and you are ready to play, perform or create great music.
• With the beamz, there should be no performance anxiety at all because — whichever beam you break, in whatever sequence — your music is guaranteed to be harmonious. All discordant chords and sour notes have been programmed out so everyone plays great.
• All your original creations and performances can be recorded for playback and sharing.

Look at those specs. Lazor metal! Complete lack of dissonance!

A demonstration of your new god:


Listen to that fidelity, that free, spontaneous improvisation, those life-like sounds. We are truly at the tipping point between all that has ever been, and all that will ever beamz.

The beamz Music Performance System retails for $599.95 USD at Sharper Image locations everywhere.

 

[Desecrated]

That would be a great toy for a kid.

A bit expensive maybe

 

[Abhorred]

That would be a great toy for a kid.

A bit expensive maybe

Notice how few kids are playing it in the video?

This ain't a toy, man, this is a serious music makin' machine.

 

[Trespass]

That was hilariously bad. I love how their all "feeling" the music.

 

[Stealthdjentstic]

the creative power involved is just too maximum

 

[sakeido]

WHOA That was so extreme!

 

[tie my rope]

lmao.

mid soloing..

be a hero

 

[Naren]

Somehow I doubt there will be sold-out concerts to people "playing" those abominations.

And hey! What if you want to play the blues? or jazz? You can't play those without at least a few discordant notes.

And it's weird how they're acting like they're playing it, when really all their doing is stopping and starting a pre-programmed, pre-created midi recording.

 

[Abhorred]

And hey! What if you want to play the blues? or jazz? You can't play those without at least a few discordant notes.

And it's weird how they're acting like they're playing it, when really all their doing is stopping and starting a pre-programmed, pre-created midi recording.

No. You are wrong. All wrong. Look at it! Listen to it! They're playing the air! And only bad jazz and blues have discordant notes. The real stuff (aka. the tunes that have been beamzed to us) is pure and clean, with all rough edges smoothed out to a fine, porcelain-like surface.

Thus spake Grand Master beamz. May the lasers guide your in your journey.

 

[OrsusMetal]

Duncan, I just wanted to let you know, I just threw my guitar out the window at an unsuspecting, old lady.

I gotta get me one of these so I can do this!!! --->

 

[Trespass]

And the samples suck ass too.

 

[Mr. S]

Duncan, I just wanted to let you know, I just threw my guitar out the window at an unsuspecting, old lady.

I gotta get me one of these so I can do this!!! --->

the Xiphos? shit i bet that hurt

 

[Esp Griffyn]

That guy air guitaring the laser beam looks like a total tit

but this is quite clearly the future of music, actual talent has become redundant

 

[Lucky Seven]

FUKKEN LAZORZ!

 

[Azathoth43]

I want, no must have one. Thats brutalz!!!

 

[Stitch]

The guy playing the chilled out jazz a)looks lonely and b)gayer than me.

Thats a fucking abomination.

 

[guitarplayerone]

I thought that's what Guitar Hero was for.

I love the 'rock guy' with his stupid fucking shades.

I would love to hear him fretting that same note over and over again.

Correction. Nonono, I would love for him to hear what is actually going on while this occurs.

Reminds me of those old loop programs that came with preprogrammed midi 'riffs', all in related keys, that you would put together to make your own 'cool' music