Depression - How to get motivation?

[vampiregenocide]

I've been depressed for a long time now, pretty much as long as I can remember. I haven't got a particularly bad life, my dad is well-off and supports me and my childhood had its fair share of bad times but like anyone elses. However recently I've slipped into a mindset that I feel is different to the teenage hormonal downer I thought I was on before. Looking back at being 16 and whatnot, while I see I had/have genuine issues, a lot of it was over the top dramatisation of trivial events. Now, I feel that although 20 is still young, I have changed and grown into an adult, and can already look back on the first decades of my life and see what was wrong or right.

What is worrying, is that I feel just as bad if not worse than I did at the height of my typical emoish depression phase when I was 15-16. Now at 20, I should be over that. I should be more rational and dealing with life, instead I have no motivation, zero confidence and self-esteem and just a general loathing for life.

Recent events haven't helped; I split up with my girlfriend, my first and most promosing relationship in 4 years, I quit uni and started working. Now I know I'll get over my ex in time, but it highlights the fact that a girl who I thought was perfect for me and with whom I got along with brilliantly still wanted to leave me for someone else. To have a perfection like that for the first time in years and then have it shattered is disheartening to say the least. Especially since I'm an emotionally unstable person anyway. As for uni, I'm glad I left; she goes there and there was nothing about the place that did it for me. I actually prefer working now, though I don't want to do this my whole life, and I feel the way things are now that may be how things end up. It doesn't leave me enough time to do things I want to do, especially since I'm only just getting used to a proper routine again and its messing me up.

Having an unclear head, low confidence and worries about my future has left me in a bitter place. I think to myself that things will work out, but no mater how often I tell myself this, and try to motivate myself, nothing works. Ultimately, I feel as if I'm not really meant for anything, and I'm not too bothered about life. Death doesn't scare me (or at least being dead, the actual dying depends on the meas), but I hate to know I'd upset and ruin my family. If I were more indepentent then I'd just finish things now, but I have too many people in my life that would get hurt to kill myself. I feel like I want to stick it out for them, especially after seeing what my step father's death did to my brother.

I don't really know what to do. I don't feel like I can tell my friends too much as they're closer to home and I don't want to worry them with my suicidal thoughts. I feel like this site, you people here, are like a group of friends I can talk to about most things. I suppose thats kind of odd being the internet and all, some might call it sad, but I genuinely value the friendships of the people here a lot and this site has helped me in life to the point I probably wouldn't be at this point now.

I guess I want advice? I'm not sure. I just need to get some feelings out and some opinions and shit. I'm not sure how much longer I can function this way, my head is in a weird place. Apologies for the poorly written and lengthy blog this has turned into.

 

[technomancer]

Doctor: get to one

 

[vampiregenocide]

Been there man, saw a councellor for a while and didn't learn anything new. Maybe I should try again though. I just don't want to end up on lots of pills for insomnia and depression.

 

[Stealthdjentstic]

Start going to the gym. Im dead serious, you will be more confident than ever! Once you get injured and start shrinking though you'll start to get really insecure though, kinda like I am now

 

[vampiregenocide]

Man I thought about that, I just don't have the confidence to do it though. I really hate myself and I don't even like walking down the street, let alone going and working out with a bunch of strangers watching.

 

[Stealthdjentstic]

Nah dude, so long as you're consistent nobody is going to say anything to you at all. If anything they'll be really supportive, its always good to see someone trying their best to get into good shape.

 

[Wingchunwarrior]

Man I thought about that, I just don't have the confidence to do it though. I really hate myself and I don't even like walking down the street, let alone going and working out with a bunch of strangers watching.

Then do it at home!

Its not the most ideal situation but once you get a grip of the basics,i.e form,diet and being moderately fit, you can then go into a gym do it proper, have some experience and feel good.I for one respect guys in the gym who know what there doing and have the basics down, whereas you see a load of noobs going in there walking on a treadmill and fiddling about on a machine and you completely see the difference.

I don't care how much you're lifting, how bad/good you look or how long you been training, if you don't have the basics down you look like an idiot.What I'm getting at is do some training at home first, get a grips with some exercises etc, then walk into a gym a bit more muscular/fit than before and some knowledge to help you succeed.

Theres loads of info out there, personally I would go to this forum UK-Muscle Body Building Community - Bodybuilding Forum

Loads of info, look at the beginners sections to get you started,hell if you want to start a journal on there of you're progress, the guys on there are real cool and will give you lots of motivation and tips.

Hope this helps a bit on a exercise/gym side of things

 

[Customisbetter]

Life is a game, specifically an RPG. When you are depressed, you are bored or don't like how things are going.

Solution: Level up. Get a hobby that you can get better at. I'm not talking photography, you already kick ass at that. Get something you find mildly interesting but have no idea how to do.

Examples:
Keyboards
jogging
working out
underwater basketweaving
writing a novel
configuring a linux box

Get anything that you can IMPROVE on. Once you can put forth effort and SEE results, you'll start to feel self worth again.

/2p

 

[Rev2010]

I feel like this site, you people here, are like a group of friends I can talk to about most things.

You definitely have us bro! I feel the same way about this site... I honestly think without it I'd go nuts, even though I'm not a postwhore or anything.

That aside, I too suffer from depression. For me it's mostly seasonal depression - I just can NOT deal with winters and the misery of it all. But as I'm getting older, now 37, I have depression more far more often and have been feeling lately like there is no point to anything. I am NOT suicidal!! You shouldn't be either man!! Don't talk shit like that Heck, if I were to even feel that way I'd try something insane and risky first, like stealing a million bucks lol. Seriously though, unfortunately you are not going to get an answer here, and maybe not anywhere else either. Depression is a hardcore bitch that has no definitive cure... shit, doctors aren't even 100% sure of the causes of it! I will agree though with the others, give working out a shot. I don't do it cause I really just can't bring myself to it after a long days work and coming in from the freezing weather. But I did work out at points in my life and I will tell you it DID make me feel great. Even just cardio, not the body building shit.

You're a bit young though to be feeling like that so it's probably neurological. I didn't start feeling depression really heavily until my latter 20's. When I was 25 I was living it up, sleeping with chicks left and right (the wife doesn't like that part of my life even though it was before her ), going out to clubs and partying. Then again, at that point I had friends around me all the time. Now that I'm 36 I have *no friends whatsoever*! My wife is my best friend, which I'm fine with but I miss having others in my life. My last two best friends moved away to other states and no one else ever wants to hang out and do shit. Seems people get older and in a relationship and just fucking hermit themselves. I'm married and still want to hang out with people. I can't even manage to find the 3 members of my new band that are needed. It's just me and my drummer for years now.

Anyhow, so I know what you are feeling and where you are. My current situation is different but I've been where you are. Try to hold on and give whatever suggestions people lend a shot, it honestly can't hurt. If things get really bad don't do anything stupid, just go see a doctor. Some people have reported great results with meds.... though others on meds have made news committing suicide Kind of a tightrope to tell what reaction someone will have. Anyhow, best of luck man and we're here for you!


Rev.

 

[Meatbucket]

Dude, I'm on the completely same page as you, except I'm not even working. I just split up with my girlfriend as well, 20 years old, no direction, the only thing I have going for me is that I have a very emotionally supporting family, a few good friends and a guitar.

HOWEVER my trick to staying sane is escapism, which probably isn't very good in the long run but it helps emotionally for the moment. I dive into video games or websites JUST LIKE I'M DOING NOW! HARRRRR! Or even just sit down and jam with some of my favourite tunes. I'll maybe tag up with a friend once or twice a week, but other than that I'm a secluded loser.

Wake up -> Shower -> Eat -> Computer -> Eat -> Computer/guitar -> Sleep -> Rinse and repeat.

That's just about my daily lameass schedule.

The best thing to do is have a goal. Mine is to tour worldwide in a good band. Take small steps to try and reach that goal. I registered on a really popular guitar website and am getting my recording equipment squared away after Christmas to try and crank some tunes out and promote the shit out of and hope that people will like it. Small steps to a larger picture.

 

[techcoreriffman]

I didn't read everyone else's responses, so sorry if I'm redundant.

I've had manic depression for years now. But what gets me through, is the "little things" Like the other day, I stopped and noticed the ice on a branch. And it was beautiful. That was a good day for me.

Stuff like that really really helps. Like how my dog looks ridiculously cute right now when she's asleep.

 

[WickedSymphony]

Life is a game, specifically an RPG. When you are depressed, you are bored or don't like how things are going.

Solution: Level up.

 

[Adam Of Angels]

But what gets me through, is the "little things" Like the other day, I stopped and noticed the ice on a branch. And it was beautiful. That was a good day for me.

Stuff like that really really helps. Like how my dog looks ridiculously cute right now when she's asleep.

This man, unknowingly, posesses wisdom.

 

[Stealthdjentstic]

If you really don't want to go to the gym just do what I did at first, go at a ridiculously early time, when I first started I was there by 6 AM and usually done by 7:00-7:30.

 

[Adam Of Angels]

^Also, exercise first thing in the morning is the best time, technically speaking. It gets your going. Also, dude, look into your diet. Taking care with those two things alone go a really long way. Not only do you just feel better, but you're giving your body and mind the message that you care for yourself, and that feeling can't be bought or counseled.

 

[Stealthdjentstic]

^Also, exercise first thing in the morning is the best time, technically speaking. It gets your going. Also, dude, look into your diet. Taking care with those two things alone go a really long way. Not only do you just feel better, but you're giving your body and mind the message that you care for yourself, and that feeling can't be bought or counseled.

The diet thing is totally right. Ever since my spinal stenosis decided to play with me I've been eating like crap (not super clean) and I feel like shit.

Eat really clean and you'll feel much better, my neighbor with severe depression was also telling me how eating certain foods affects her depression. This might be something worth asking the doctor about

 

[dream-thief]

I suffer pretty badly from what I would call depression. I find psychological/mental issues to be too grayscale to bother actually getting a diagnosis from a 'professional'.

It's hard to explain anything helpful without giving some kind of explanation of my psyche/philosophies, which I am under the impression is pretty different from the collective (even within the depressive spectrum - I've dealt with a lot of depressed people in the past, from friends to partners to family, I seem to be constantly surrounded by it)

Just to reiterate what's already been said really - I find the most useful thing for me in terms of dealing with it is to have something you can clearly see as a goal or something to work towards and potentially (although not most importantly, realistically) achieve. At the moment I'm definitely on a high period - my motivation levels are immense (on top of my musical goals, and general day-to-day motivation, I've started working out and eating properly, something I never thought I'd see myself do - and that too is helping immensely. Just basic things like eating, drinking, washing, not being overzealous with substances, despite the temptation of being unemployed and it not mattering)

Another thing I've found massively helpful is pretty basic, and may even sound condescending, but it's something I constantly struggle with, but just keeping a 'positive mental attitude' about everything I do makes a massive difference. Even if you have to tell yourself a few times at first and still don't believe it, the more you push, the more you'll notice changes in both your view, and hopefully the reality of what happens.

The downside for all this right now for me, is first that I'm becoming almost optimistic about life, which is something I personally see as a flaw, as even tiny things become a temporary disappointment. Base point of this fact is that I'm terrified of coming crashing down from this high, even though I feel like I'm completely out of depression and it'll never bother me again (I honestly do) there's a niggling itch that something will trigger a complete loss of motivation.

I think the main reason it's worrying me is because my motivation and happiness levels at the moment are well above what I see in everyone around me, and even if it's an indefinitely good thing, It seems to me that it isn't right or 'normal', and as such, won't be something permanent.

Your social circumstances will also have a massive impact on it, and it's worth taking them into account so you know how they're affecting you. Things like who you do or don't live with, your family relationships, the amount and type of friends surrounding you, &c. I can't be of much use to use on this front though, as I've always had to deal with my own depression completely solitarily (...no-one knows you when you're on the line, they all want to help you when you're doing fine...)


Realistically, the best thing you can do is find a balance. As much as I hate to say it, just learn to live like everyone else (As I said, I don't mean to sound condescending, it's something I find impossible for a plethora of reasons)

I hope this all made sense, reading back over it, I'm not sure if you'll make head or tail of it.

I honestly wish you the best of luck in dealing with it, and I'm sure we all here will be as supportive as we can.

 

[GATA4]

Hey man,

I am depressed too. I can seriously relate to a lot of stuff you've discussed: low confidence, unclear mind, worrying, no motivation, and just being in an all around rut. A lot of my depression revolves around low confidence; until recently, a huge majority of my thoughts revolved around what others thought of me. It's been a really, really rough road for me these past few years of my life.

I am currently taking the anti-depressant Lexapro, and it actually has worked for me. If you view the medication as a means and not an end, I think you would be less apprehensive of trying it. You still have to live your life and generally try while you're on it, but why not let it help you out? Let it get you where you need to be, then be done with it.

That stuff aside, I highly agree with the other opinions stated in this thread. A little bit of confidence goes a long way, man. There is no doubt about that. Find SOMETHING that will give you that little bit of confidence. I genuinely hope that you will begin to feel better, and more confident in yourself.

 

[trb]

Need motivation? Join the military.

 

[Xiphos68]

I'll be praying for you friend.


But I would just try to look at the good things of life and do what you enjoy most.
Ever thought about going to college or anything like that?