John Petrucci Facts

[bostjan]

Interrogation agents in Iraq, before deciding to use Metalica as a form of pseudo-torture, attempted to administer Dream Theater as a truth serum. Unfortunately, the detainees' faces melted and thus the agents were unable to extract any information.

John Petrucci can play five notes at the same time...on the same string.

...seventeen times

 

[Jesse]

Interrogation agents in Iraq, before deciding to use Metalica as a form of pseudo-torture, attempted to administer Dream Theater as a truth serum. Unfortunately, the detainees' faces melted and thus the agents were unable to extract any information.



...seventeen times

John Petrucci once played his Mesa at 10... and survived

John Petrucci is not metal.. metal is John Petrucci

John Petrucci's guitars set themselfs on fire

 

[a_daft_punk]

These are awesome We need to compile them all.

Joe

 

[Roland777]

John Petrucci goes to 12.

 

[peterchau]

when he wanted a seven string guitar, he just started to shred so fast that his music man morphed into a seven string guitar

 

[bostjan]

John Petrucci eats D'Addarios for breakfast.

Scientist have proven that John Petrucci only has one finger, which moves so fast, it is never percieved as fewer than four fingers by the human senses. If he had more than one finger, scientists believe the universe would exceed critical energy density and collapse on itself, which would destroy everything (except, of course, John Petrucci, who can be neither created nor destroyed, only moved from one style of shredding to another).

 

[Leon]

John Petrucci has filed lawsuits with Gillette, claiming that their razor product named "Mach 3" is actually the name of Petrucci's first three fingers on his left hand.

They were going to release a John Petrucci edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "John Petrucci. In The Library. With the Speedy Lick."

 

[bostjan]

They were going to release a John Petrucci edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "John Petrucci. In The Library. With the Speedy Lick."

Not in Hell's Kitchen?

 

[David]

When asked what guage his g-string was, Mr. Petrucci responded "Fuck that, I'm going commando!"

(yeah, how's that for a mental image? lol)

John Petrucci can play five notes at the same time...on the same string.

you win

 

[Leon]

Not in Hell's Kitchen?

shit. that would have been funnier

 

[TheReal7]

John Petrucci eats D'Addarios for breakfast.

Scientist have proven that John Petrucci only has one finger, which moves so fast, it is never percieved as fewer than four fingers by the human senses. If he had more than one finger, scientists believe the universe would exceed critical energy density and collapse on itself, which would destroy everything (except, of course, John Petrucci, who can be neither created nor destroyed, only moved from one style of shredding to another).

fucking GOLD Jerry

 

[distressed_romeo]

John Petrucci doesn't practice the guitar, he just does it...

 

[metalfiend666]

John Petrucci is a major cause of house fires. Home stereo speakers burst into flames from the effort of reproducing his playing, quickly turning into a raging inferno that consumes everything in the house. Except John Petrucci cd's.

 

[FoxMustang]

John Petrucci once walked into a Guitar Center and played on ever guitar in the store... in 30 seconds.

He spent the first 20 seconds dialing-in his tone on the amp.

 

[TheReal7]

John Petrucci is the only person Area 51 can trust to shred top secret documents. If fact, he shreds them so fast that he breaks the documents down to a molecular level.

 

[noodles]

In 1989, John Petrucci performed the first 128th note run in the history of music, resulting in the Loma Prieta earthquake that disrupted the World Series.

In 2000, John Petrucci performed a whammy bar pull up so intense, the prime minister of Japan suffered suffered a coma-inducing stroke. From this point on, the use of locking trems on his guitars were disallowed by international law.

 

[Leon]

John Petrucci once told the cavemen that he gets his tone by using lizard skins as grille cover cloths. That was the end of the dinosaurs.

 

[bostjan]

John Petrucci is the only person Area 51 can trust to shred top secret documents. If fact, he shreds them so fast that he breaks the documents down to a molecular level.

 

[gojira]

john petrucci can play faster than you - with his feet

john petrucci once played flight of the bunble bee at 3200 bpm before a stunned audience, unfortunately they didn't hear the billion notes that were too incremental for even quantam physics to gauge -

john petruccis right hand is so fast it is actually twelve years younger than the rest of his body.

john petrucci is afraid to masturbate - the damage to his penis at that speed would be aweful - this is why he now plays guitar.

john petruccis guitaring is what governs tides in the southern hemisphere.

james labrie isn't actually gay - but he may as well be with john petrucci around - so makes the most of a bad situation.

john petruccis music is so fast it cancels itself out by breaking the speed of sound.

john petrucci isn't a maestro, maestros are john petrucci

john petrucci one transcribed the noise from his modem - thats how he invented jazz in the twenties - made possible by his right hand and the theory of relativity.

when people shred - we say they wank - when shredders wank - they "petrucci" - shortly before they explode

John petrucci has had the tendons in both wrists replaced with kevlar -

john petrucci once transcribed and played an entire phonebook on guitar - in under twelve seconds.

anphetamines are made from DNA scraped from john petruccis right hand.

more later -

 

[gojira]

john petrucci isn't fast - fast is john petrucci.

john petrucci doesn't play for dream theatre - dream theatre play for john petrucci.

jesus gave up halfway through rock dicipline - he then realized he had the tape on long play.