Metal and cheesecake

[Naren]

So, lately I've been thinking about how I want to be the most metal person on the entire planet and that got me to thinking "Can I eat nachos and still be metal?" And that led me to a much more serious matter.

Can I still eat cheesecake and be metal? And, I mean really. Could I sit in a Starbucks, drinking a caramel frapuccino while reading "White Noise" by Don Delilo and still be metal? Can I save myself by wearing headphones and a Suffocation t-shirt and banging my head while reading and drinking, and occasionally giving the horns to the rest of the people in the store? Can I eat a birthday cake while wearing a birthdayboy hat and still be metal? If not, could I save it by having the ice covered with black frosting with a red pentagram in large icing and the words "To the eternal lord of darkness, Lucifer's son, Eric"?

And that takes me back to the cheesecake. Does being the most metal person in the entire planet mean I have to give up mocha raspberry cheesecake with oreo cookie crust? Or do I just have to be blasting Slayer at full volume and banging my head with hair down to my butt and a Forbidden t-shirt on while I scarf it down?

I need an answer.

Think about it, won't you?

 

[Zepp88]

Well, nachos are metal as fuck so you're in the clear there.

The other stuff? Hmm....try photoshopping Immortal into the situation and see if it works.

 

[DefinedInSilere]

When you are true, there can be no doubt about that truth...Go forth and be your metal self and not give a shit about the other people....you can even drink your pink frappaccino at starbucks if you deem it is true.

 

[Naren]

When you are true, there can be no doubt about that truth...Go forth and be your metal self and not give a shit about the other people....you can even drink your pink frappaccino at starbucks if you deem it is true.

Cuz I was doing that (without the headbanging and metal blasting in my ears) with a strawberry cream frappaccino at Starbucks while reading a book on Italian philosophy and it took a full 5 minutes for someone to comment on how metal I was, when it normally takes no longer then 2 minutes, usually less than a minute.

So I was getting worried there.

 

[Ancestor]

I always thought dessert was pretty metal. Just to be on the safe side, you should probably keep blasting the forbidden evil. just to be safe...

 

[Naren]

Oh, I'm doing that right now, in fact. Whenever I drink something that someone nearby considers a "girly drink," I always make sure to be listening to something like Death, At The Gates, Testament, Malevolent Creation, or whatever and if they make a comment, I flex at them, pour some vodka into my drink, and guzzle it down.

I did lose my cool once and shove some cheesecake down a hater's throat. He actually said "Strawberry cheesecake isn't as metal as, lessay, blueberry cheesecake." Unfortunately, he died of a sugar overload a few minutes later.

I always have to cover my bases, because otherwise, I'll never be the most metal person on the planet.

 

[budda]

to continue being tr00, you must eat the desert before the meal.

fuck that meals' shit up

 

[Mr. S]

I think whilst metal and cheese cake can co-exist its always important to scream SLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!! at random intervals whilst eating it, this should of course be done more often if eating a cheese cake in Starbucks drinking a frothy pink frappacino.

 

[arktan]

I think whilst metal and cheese cake can co-exist its always important to scream SLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!! at random intervals whilst eating it, this should of course be done more often if eating a cheese cake in Starbucks drinking a frothy pink frappacino.

i deem you trve

 

[Leec]

Reading Don Delilo = true
Sitting in Starbuck's = false

You've just cancelled yourself out!

 

[Naren]

I think whilst metal and cheese cake can co-exist its always important to scream SLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!! at random intervals whilst eating it, this should of course be done more often if eating a cheese cake in Starbucks drinking a frothy pink frappacino.

I haven't had to do that yet, but I'll keep that in mind.

Reading Don Delilo = true
Sitting in Starbuck's = false

You've just cancelled yourself out!

Ah ha. So, the Don Delilo counted in my favor, giving me metal points. Then I guess I would be in the clear in such a situation. But maybe I wouldn't be metal ENOUGH.

 

[halsinden]

dude, i know it's only one opinion but please consider it: i really, really can't stress how bad an idea this is.

seriously, and that's based on actual knowledge.

it's not often publicised, but there was a chap in denmark who was essentially a vikernes fanatic, he did this really shoddy video upload of him attempting this, called it "kriegcake kvlt" and it went horribly, horrible wrong.

for what it's worth, i don't think it's entirely his fault as the overwhelming feeling of truth that he got from the BLAAAACKberry dressing on the top apparently inspired him to deny the holocaust on camera whilst spooning the cake into his face, but the kid's dead. yep. turns out there was a zionist resistance group nextdoor to the delicatessen he bought the kriegcake from and they essentially just hit & ran.

please don't let yourself be a victim dude. this shit is dangerous.

H

 

[Naren]

Yeah... I heard about that. Like I mentioned on the first page, another metalhead died because of my actions involving cheesecake. I thank Satan that it wasn't me, but I might not be so lucky next time. I've heard that the BLAAAAACKberry dressing you mentioned is one of the more dangerous cake elements out there.

Luckily I'm not really into kriegcake, but the danger is still there, all the same.

 

[Lucky Seven]

Wait, you have a Forbidden T-Shirt? Forbidden fucking rules, you can't be unmetal with a Forbidden shirt, it's just not possible.

 

[DelfinoPie]

Reading Don Delilo = true
Sitting in Starbuck's = false

You've just cancelled yourself out!

 

[Nerina]

Well Naren, I will tell you how this goes, in my humble opinion.....

Yes you can eat cheesecake and still be metal, you can sip raspberry fraps and still be metal, you can even dance around in your boxers while eating rainbow ice cream and still be metal, why you ask?
Because you are metal, and the very existance of your metalness deems whatever you are doing true. Have you ever thought that the very act of sipping raspberry fraps is now metal, because you Naren, are doing it? This is a point that you might wish to ponder.

 

[halsinden]

you can sup on raspberry flaps

dirty fucker.

H

 

[Nerina]

dirty fucker.

H

Heck, if someone's metal enough I'm sure they can do that too and still be metal.

 

[7 Strings of Hate]

about the most metal thing you can do, is be normal for yourself, and not give a shit what others think

but in all honosty, its an equation. Its ok to eat cheesecake and still be metal, but you have to even up the equation somewhere else.
For example, you need to drink a fifth of booze right afterwards, or wack some chick in the face with a meaty wang, then you balance out the equation.

 

[Nerina]

about the most metal thing you can do, is be normal for yourself, and not give a shit what others think