Metal styles explained through dragon/princess story

[DDDorian]

^^Might I make an amendment?

THRASH METAL:

On the way to the castle the protagonist is kicked out of his posse for alcohol abuse. Enraged and insulted by this betrayal, the protagonist spends the next fifteen years battling dragons alone with a new posse, albeit for smaller castles and uglier princesses that reign over hokey Eastern European countries that no longer exist. After years of swinging his mighty blade and flipping off Danish tennis players, the protagonist suffers a career-ending arm injury, but perseveres through rehabilitation and takes up dragon-slaying once more in the name of God in order to escape from that bitch of a princess and all her fucking nagging.

 

[Metal Ken]

 

[Naren]

Maybe something like: The dragon gets tired of waiting for the protagonist and goes looking for him to find him playing an insanely fast sloppy guitar solo behind a wire fence with long hair in his face and a huge group of thrashers banging their heads. The dragon has no idea who the guy is or why he's here, but before he knows what's up, the dragon is on the floor in a pool of blood. Before anyone else cares to ask what's up, the protagonist has violent sex with the princess while drinking a six pack of beer.

I dunno.

^^Might I make an amendment?

THRASH METAL:

On the way to the castle the protagonist is kicked out of his posse for alcohol abuse. Enraged and insulted by this betrayal, the protagonist spends the next fifteen years battling dragons alone with a new posse, albeit for smaller castles and uglier princesses that reign over hokey Eastern European countries that no longer exist. After years of swinging his mighty blade and flipping off Danish tennis players, the protagonist suffers a career-ending arm injury, but perseveres through rehabilitation and takes up dragon-slaying once more in the name of God in order to escape from that bitch of a princess and all her fucking nagging.

Good one.

 

[Drew]

PROGRESSIVE DEATH-FUSION:

The protagonist arrives at the castle aback his transvestite Soundwave replica and executes a blinding flurry of light-speed punches and kicks in time signatures the dragon cannot predict, killing it. Only seconds after her rescue, the princess is deserted by the protagonist who leaves to go record solos for a Konkhra album. Thre princess jumps out the tower window to her death out of sheer impatience; the protagonist holds Pestilence accountable.

^^Might I make an amendment?

THRASH METAL:

On the way to the castle the protagonist is kicked out of his posse for alcohol abuse. Enraged and insulted by this betrayal, the protagonist spends the next fifteen years battling dragons alone with a new posse, albeit for smaller castles and uglier princesses that reign over hokey Eastern European countries that no longer exist. After years of swinging his mighty blade and flipping off Danish tennis players, the protagonist suffers a career-ending arm injury, but perseveres through rehabilitation and takes up dragon-slaying once more in the name of God in order to escape from that bitch of a princess and all her fucking nagging.

These are better than the original.

 

[le_ackt]

~ very funny ~ hahaha , the prog one in particular hits the spot
what about Speed metal ? any story of that

 

[Chris]

 

[MetalMike]

 

[jaredowty]

^^Might I make an amendment?

THRASH METAL:

On the way to the castle the protagonist is kicked out of his posse for alcohol abuse. Enraged and insulted by this betrayal, the protagonist spends the next fifteen years battling dragons alone with a new posse, albeit for smaller castles and uglier princesses that reign over hokey Eastern European countries that no longer exist. After years of swinging his mighty blade and flipping off Danish tennis players, the protagonist suffers a career-ending arm injury, but perseveres through rehabilitation and takes up dragon-slaying once more in the name of God in order to escape from that bitch of a princess and all her fucking nagging.

Hehehe. Nice.

 

[jjjsssxxx]

Maybe...

Thrash metal: Protagonist arrives in a tank, takes 12 shots of whiskey, blows up dragon, drinks the rest of the whiskey, fucks the shit out of the princess, steals the castle's beer, blows up castle, leaves to find some Jagermeister.

 

[Black Watch]

Oh man! That is superb!

 

[angusyoungwanabe]

thats quite hilarious.

 

[AstroGnom]

Someone wanted Speed-Metal

* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

 

[angryman]

 

[7 Dying Trees]

 

[Holy Katana]

Old, but still hilarious. +rep.

 

[FortePenance]

seen it, but it's still

 

[TheMasterplan]

My favorite was the grindcore, screams something incoherent for two minutes and leaves

 

[Mattmc74]