One simple rule for dating one's coworkers...

[scottro202]

PS I sexually harass at least 4 ppl at work everyday and 2 are woman...Yeah I sexually harass men...judge me!

There's a Family Guy character that describes you.... I just can't figure out which.

OR

Anyways, on to the thread.

I agree with the rule. While it doesn't necessarily work like that in the real world, it's a nice rule to have in place to prevent people from being too persistent with it. Because with persistence comes the tendency to delve into "quid pro quo" sexual harassment and other illegal workplace practices that your employer has to worry about due to the EEOC (Not mine, ironically. They have less than 15 employees so they're exempt).

With this rule in place, the potential/alleged harassment gets stopped immediately with very little work for Facebook's labor attorney to worry about. Anything passed the initial "Sorry but my calendar's booked until you give up" rejection is automatically sexual harassment, and makes it easy to differentiate between " innocent playful non harassment" to "creepy harassment." Thus, easy to fire you once you realize that she's not really that busy and you're just a creepy idiot.

TL,DR: This rule was created to make it easier to fire people for sexual harassment and save money in arbitration and legal fees for labor attorneys.

 

[Demiurge]

Obviously, companies promote these policies to protect themselves. Of course, too, they also reserve the right to regulate conduct of their people while they're on the clock, and time spent skeezing for booty is time not spent assembling widgets or completing TPS reports.

Where I work, our yearly online harassment training module was posted today. In the quiz section, one of the scenarios was a new employee who was new in town asking another employee about places to eat in the area; the new employee invites the helpful coworker to dinner as a thanks. One is a man, one is a woman, and other employees were in earshot. Appropriate? Answer was no.

 

[A-Branger]

I never understood why you'd want to date a coworker. Surely if it goes bad and you split, you then have to see their face everyday at work? If its a clean mutual split then sure, but that doesn't always happen.

Still, each to their own I suppose!

you dont, and you usually think that way, until you have that one girl/guy who lets say meets your checklist lol. The one that not only makes you drool all over but it fits the right personality that you want on a partner.

add in top of that that you might be already chatting dealing with this person everyday, you might already have things in common, or at the very low, you both can rant about job and the daily routine or at least complain about the same things, or share a same view or passion about something. Mind you not every job is "papers/numbers/spreadsheets/paperclip" kinda job, so you might be on one that makes both of you already have something in common.

trow in top of that the scenario where you might be late20's/mid30's anything other than "just starting my job career/Im party young"..... a lot of people by that point already have their social groups and might dont "go out" anymore rather than hanging out with the same crew at their places or by eats. So the chances to meet someone new are pretty rare, next to nothing. It all depends on what other social activities you might do out of your circle. Some people have hobbies, a lot of people dont, they jsut "work". And life is not a magic Disney movie where you would meet the love of your life by bumping into them on the supermarket. Heck even if you see the perfect human being at a supermarket, chances are you are gonna say "nope" and run away, you wont randomly start a conversation that would lead into a date in those 2 min, at least with the 99% of the normal people.

so for a lot of folks dating a co-worker seems like a pretty good idea. "we share interest, we already know eachothers, we have same group of friends, ect, ect....... why not?"

You might work on a small office with 5 people so it might seem like the worse idea ever, but when you are on a big company with 250 ppl, pppfff who cares. Unless you sitting right next to that person/dealing personally with them for work(actually working togheter) then the risk is less. Plus when you are in that spot where you have a big crush with someone (and think you might have a chance), the last thing you think is to "what would happen in 2 years if we break up"


Put it this way, theres a beautiful girl in my office. We are already friends, we have hang out and gone to parties with the people from the office, had a great time with her, I chat to her every day and we get along pretty good and we share the same group of friends, and thanks to this situation I have had to get to know her more and discovered we have things in common and the way she really is. If I have seen this same girl outside on a bar/club/anything, I would have said "dang shes pretty", and that would be the end of it. I wouldnt know how to approach, what to say, and it would have been awkward/weird, or she would think I wanted to sleep with her/hook up or something so she would have rejected me

 

[Spaced Out Ace]

"One simple rule for dating one's coworkers..."

Here's the rule: "DON'T! Ever."

 

[Spaced Out Ace]

This, lol. There are exceptions to every rule, but as a general starting point, I would say the one simple rule for dating coworkers is "don't."

SOMETHING WE UNEQUIVOCALLY AGREE ON!

I'm not sure that's something I'd brag about, exactly.

Yeah... that was kind of fucking cringey. Even as a joke.

 

[Anquished]

you dont, and you usually think that way, until you have that one girl/guy who lets say meets your checklist lol. The one that not only makes you drool all over but it fits the right personality that you want on a partner.

add in top of that that you might be already chatting dealing with this person everyday, you might already have things in common, or at the very low, you both can rant about job and the daily routine or at least complain about the same things, or share a same view or passion about something. Mind you not every job is "papers/numbers/spreadsheets/paperclip" kinda job, so you might be on one that makes both of you already have something in common.

trow in top of that the scenario where you might be late20's/mid30's anything other than "just starting my job career/Im party young"..... a lot of people by that point already have their social groups and might dont "go out" anymore rather than hanging out with the same crew at their places or by eats. So the chances to meet someone new are pretty rare, next to nothing. It all depends on what other social activities you might do out of your circle. Some people have hobbies, a lot of people dont, they jsut "work". And life is not a magic Disney movie where you would meet the love of your life by bumping into them on the supermarket. Heck even if you see the perfect human being at a supermarket, chances are you are gonna say "nope" and run away, you wont randomly start a conversation that would lead into a date in those 2 min, at least with the 99% of the normal people.

so for a lot of folks dating a co-worker seems like a pretty good idea. "we share interest, we already know eachothers, we have same group of friends, ect, ect....... why not?"

You might work on a small office with 5 people so it might seem like the worse idea ever, but when you are on a big company with 250 ppl, pppfff who cares. Unless you sitting right next to that person/dealing personally with them for work(actually working togheter) then the risk is less. Plus when you are in that spot where you have a big crush with someone (and think you might have a chance), the last thing you think is to "what would happen in 2 years if we break up"


Put it this way, theres a beautiful girl in my office. We are already friends, we have hang out and gone to parties with the people from the office, had a great time with her, I chat to her every day and we get along pretty good and we share the same group of friends, and thanks to this situation I have had to get to know her more and discovered we have things in common and the way she really is. If I have seen this same girl outside on a bar/club/anything, I would have said "dang shes pretty", and that would be the end of it. I wouldnt know how to approach, what to say, and it would have been awkward/weird, or she would think I wanted to sleep with her/hook up or something so she would have rejected me

To be fair I'm being abit hypocritical because I started dating my partner in my final year of secondary school. Lucky for us it worked out.

I work in a building with at least a few hundred people and I can guarantee I walk past the majority of them each week. If I dated someone here and split, I can guarantee I'd see them ATLEAST once a week. No, obviously you don't think ahead and plan for the possibility of breaking up, but now that I've grown up a little bit and I'm in my mid twenties, I like to keep my work life and my personal life separate. Thats just my opinion anyway.

Like I said before though, each to their own.

 

[A-Branger]

Like I said before though, each to their own.

yeah I know what you mean, but like I said, its all good till THE one joins the workforce

Im working/living on a small island/resort thing, so the dont date your co-worker is even harder hahaa, more like dont date the one that works in your same office/work area, even if you dont you still are gonna see her on the island all the time lol

but one day I saw a girl that jsut blew me away, and lucky? for me she end up moving jobs into my office. So now I have had the oppportunity to meet her and hang out wiht her, something I prob wouldnt have manage to do if she wasnt on my office, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe if one day my mate happen to go to their mates party and inviste, something like that. But if I have a chance or not thats another thing, and I might had soemthing happening during december, couple of nice moments, but I didnt followed trough/tried, and she didnt do muhc either, so Im mature enough to know I took the wrong signals and I have no chance with her so I wont be harassing her to "go out" with me.... An earlier version of me would have been overthinking everything which eventually would have taken into an awkward stage at some point

but yeh I was trying to make a point that even we "shoulndt", it could jsut happen, usually we find a new partner in our social group, lets say one new girl joins your circle of friends. Same deal here if your circle of friends/social group happen to be your work

either way be careful hahaha

 

[Anquished]

yeah I know what you mean, but like I said, its all good till THE one joins the workforce

Im working/living on a small island/resort thing, so the dont date your co-worker is even harder hahaa, more like dont date the one that works in your same office/work area, even if you dont you still are gonna see her on the island all the time lol

but one day I saw a girl that jsut blew me away, and lucky? for me she end up moving jobs into my office. So now I have had the oppportunity to meet her and hang out wiht her, something I prob wouldnt have manage to do if she wasnt on my office, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe if one day my mate happen to go to their mates party and inviste, something like that. But if I have a chance or not thats another thing, and I might had soemthing happening during december, couple of nice moments, but I didnt followed trough/tried, and she didnt do muhc either, so Im mature enough to know I took the wrong signals and I have no chance with her so I wont be harassing her to "go out" with me.... An earlier version of me would have been overthinking everything which eventually would have taken into an awkward stage at some point

but yeh I was trying to make a point that even we "shoulndt", it could jsut happen, usually we find a new partner in our social group, lets say one new girl joins your circle of friends. Same deal here if your circle of friends/social group happen to be your work

either way be careful hahaha

Eesh, that sounds tough. End of the day, you've gotta do what you've gotta do!

 

[TedEH]

I've always disagreed with the whole "just don't do it" thing. I've dated two people from the same office a while back- granted it was a huge center of hundreds of people - but it wasn't the nightmare everyone makes it out to be. I mean, not any worse than normal breakups would be. In one case we just avoided eachother and she eventually moved onto another job. In another case she was actually fired maybe an hour after we split up, which was horrible timing, but completely a coincidence. I'd do it again.

Splitting up is always uncomfortable anyway, and it's not uncommon to have to deal with exes for some amount of time after splitting up regardless. Being coworkers can make it a bit more awkward, but I don't think it's enough of a reason to avoid those people by default.

 

[Explorer]

Again, just a reminder that the rule only restricts repeatedly asking out a coworker in the face of non-positive response.

The coworker could always say yes, meaning one could find one's soulmate at work. However, if one's perceived "soulmate" disagrees with that assessment, the rule shuts down pressure and creepiness.

I also like that certain members here think of this rule only being applied to males asking out women. Do the reasons for that assumption seem to bolster a need for such a rule?

 

[Drew]

SOMETHING WE UNEQUIVOCALLY AGREE ON!




Yeah... that was kind of fucking cringey. Even as a joke.

Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with Spaced Out Ace?

 

[Drew]

I've always disagreed with the whole "just don't do it" thing. I've dated two people from the same office a while back- granted it was a huge center of hundreds of people - but it wasn't the nightmare everyone makes it out to be. I mean, not any worse than normal breakups would be. In one case we just avoided eachother and she eventually moved onto another job. In another case she was actually fired maybe an hour after we split up, which was horrible timing, but completely a coincidence. I'd do it again.

Splitting up is always uncomfortable anyway, and it's not uncommon to have to deal with exes for some amount of time after splitting up regardless. Being coworkers can make it a bit more awkward, but I don't think it's enough of a reason to avoid those people by default.

Never say never, but I think it's at a minimum a situation where you have to tread VERY carefully. I tried to do it once, right out of college where I was young and naive, and got strung along for a long time with nothing ever coming of it. I was pretty pissed at her by the end of it, but thankfully that was a job I was looking to leave anyway and I found something quite a bit better, and that was the last I saw her. On another occasion when I was old enough to know better, I hooked up with a colleague I worked somewhat closely with, but she initiated it, neither of us wanted anything seriously, and again it was a job I was looking to leave, so while there was some office flirtation here and there after that it never got awkward and she's someone I'm still friendly with (she's a runner so I'll be picking her brain as I train for a half marathon in a few months). However, though, in... jeez, the 14 years I've now been in a "professional" office environment, that's been it. Today I work for a very small firm, so pretty much the only way I could date a colleague is if I was planning on marrying them.

I'll only add two other things - one, if you do it, it's probably something the two of you will need to disclose to HR, and two, hurry up and record another album because your last one was fucking excellent.

 

[Spaced Out Ace]

Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with Spaced Out Ace?

 

[TedEH]

hurry up and record another album because your last one was fucking excellent.

Haha thank you for that out of nowhere. Did you see the stuff I put up over the holidays? Edit: If you go looking for the newest tunes, look for the stuff on soundcloud over the video - a put up a video, but the vocals had some wacky processing on them that made em sound weird.

 

[TedEH]

Today I work for a very small firm, so pretty much the only way I could date a colleague is if I was planning on marrying them.

To be fair, my examples were from a giant call center. In that context, I think I could get away with it again. It wouldn't really fly where I am now, mostly cause we're a small office with all of 2 women here, one of which is leaving soon. It's also more of a "career" than a "job" now, which makes a lot of a difference. If I was back in some random call center making minimum wage again, I probably wouldn't care- whereas I'd really prefer not to lose my current spot.

 

[Drew]

Haha thank you for that out of nowhere. Did you see the stuff I put up over the holidays? Edit: If you go looking for the newest tunes, look for the stuff on soundcloud over the video - a put up a video, but the vocals had some wacky processing on them that made em sound weird.

I did not, but I'll look for it!