Many civilized people would probably read this and think, "yeah, so?" It's the best news in my life for the past decade, however, and I'd like to share it with you.
For the last years, I so much refused to accept who I was that I managed to conceal the feelings from my own self. I abdicated my human condition, coming to the conclusion that I was an automaton, uncapable of loving; existing, but not really living. It's incredible how we can lie to ourselves so convincinly.
Everything tasted like ashes. Nothing I did was interesting, to the degree of having an awesome trip to Italy and not really caring about it. My guess is that I had to drown my feelings to such an extent that I ended up not feeling anything at all toward anything. The only thing that could still bring a shiver to the spine sometimes was music, and even that was becoming rarer and rarer. When that happened, I've no doubts I'd seriously consider suicide.
This past week, for no apparent reason, I decided to face to truth. I went like, "you know what? Fuck it," and now things are so much different. I mean, I haven't really met anyone in particular; it's just the perspective of doing so that makes everything so much different. It's like getting your head out of the water to breathe again.
For the first time in 15 years - when I last fell in love for a girl - I feel happy and human. I can't help but quote The Smiths: "I am human and I need to be loved - just like everybody else does".
Just like everybody else does. I can't believe I'm human, after all. It's such a damn relief!
I do have a very conservative family which most likely won't accept me, but hell, c'est la vie. At least I live in a liberal city, and I don't expect too many problems with my friends either.
Thanks for reading thus far
And I can still boast of having picked the hottest chick at my friend's wedding! Huzzah!
For the last years, I so much refused to accept who I was that I managed to conceal the feelings from my own self. I abdicated my human condition, coming to the conclusion that I was an automaton, uncapable of loving; existing, but not really living. It's incredible how we can lie to ourselves so convincinly.
Everything tasted like ashes. Nothing I did was interesting, to the degree of having an awesome trip to Italy and not really caring about it. My guess is that I had to drown my feelings to such an extent that I ended up not feeling anything at all toward anything. The only thing that could still bring a shiver to the spine sometimes was music, and even that was becoming rarer and rarer. When that happened, I've no doubts I'd seriously consider suicide.
This past week, for no apparent reason, I decided to face to truth. I went like, "you know what? Fuck it," and now things are so much different. I mean, I haven't really met anyone in particular; it's just the perspective of doing so that makes everything so much different. It's like getting your head out of the water to breathe again.
For the first time in 15 years - when I last fell in love for a girl - I feel happy and human. I can't help but quote The Smiths: "I am human and I need to be loved - just like everybody else does".
Just like everybody else does. I can't believe I'm human, after all. It's such a damn relief!
I do have a very conservative family which most likely won't accept me, but hell, c'est la vie. At least I live in a liberal city, and I don't expect too many problems with my friends either.
Thanks for reading thus far
And I can still boast of having picked the hottest chick at my friend's wedding! Huzzah!
) to come out like that.
Massive respect.
This is my hen house..there ain't enough ass on this forum for all of us.
