SS Love and Relationships Thread

[Soubi7string]

Today is probably the first time I've ventured out of the 1st section on this forum (exception to the new members thread). I was in a relationship but we decided to take a break because she couldn't commit to a relationship with school and deciding what she wanted to do with her life (she's a senior in college and I'm 24 with a job). She and I used to intern together at Earache records so we had a lot in common: metal, music industry career goals, both love guitar, passion for music, etc. A couple weeks ago we we're at a party and I got drunk and we got in a fight. I guess I grabbed her arm and she got really pissed, I got upset and I remember leaning against the wall near the front door with an upset face. Anyway things seemed normal the next day when we woke up, but I guess later on things were kinda not normal and that night things weren't right... The following day she ended everything. I miss her so much and even though she said "forget about us ever getting back together, not happening, not now, not then, not ever" I'm not gonna give up on her. I'm sure she has lost all interest in me but I'm gonna try and prove to her that I'm worth a second chance and if that fails then I'm gonna try and at least fix our friendship. She means a lot to me and a lot of people tell me I should give up and forget her but it's hard.

not gonna sugar coat
but from my past experience on 1 or 2 relationships
its a bad idea to go after the chick man.
You have the right idea on letting her go

 

[Meatbucket]

not gonna sugar coat
but from my past experience on 1 or 2 relationships
its a bad idea to go after the chick man.
You have the right idea on letting her go

Sadly, this is very true. The relationship won't ever be what it once was, it just won't be the same.

 

[lookralphsbak]

Sadly, this is very true. The relationship won't ever be what it once was, it just won't be the same.

I know you guys are right but I can't shake the feeling that she is worth it. I've gone through this shit with every past gf except for 1 and yea this is probably gonna be the same case but I don't know. I'd rather try than not try. I figure since she got the last word on everything I'm gonna ask her if she wants to go out for dinner or coffee or grab a drink and just talk shit over and see what happens. I honestly feel like it's worth the try. If I fail then I fail.

 

[Meatbucket]

I figure since she got the last word on everything I'm gonna ask her if she wants to go out for dinner or coffee or grab a drink and just talk shit over and see what happens. I honestly feel like it's worth the try. If I fail then I fail.

I approve of this approach, but do be prepared for things you may not want to here or a turn for the worst. That doesn't mean "have no hope" but it's always good to have all of your mental bases covered before stepping into an emotionally draining situation such as this.

 

[lookralphsbak]

I approve of this approach, but do be prepared for things you may not want to here or a turn for the worst. That doesn't mean "have no hope" but it's always good to have all of your mental bases covered before stepping into an emotionally draining situation such as this.

Plus the way she ended everything was on such a bad note I'd rather discuss everything with her and try to resolve everything. Worst case scenario we end that night being friends. I mean the shit she said, first off was via text, we're hurtful. She said that I didn't care, I didn't respect her, and that I wasn't the best thing for her personal life. It's all bullshit because I do care, i do respect her, and I do feel that I am best for her personal life... Even if I made a mistake from being drunk one night that shouldn't have even effect the way I feel about a person. Sometimes I feel that there's no hope and sometimes I feel confident and feel that I can prove/convince her that I'm worth it. I honestly don't know because the ball is in her court and obviously she will get to make the final decision but I want the opportunity to throw out that opportunity for her to make that decision. Every relationship where shit has gone wrong everyone has told me "if it's meant to be then you will get back with her". Obviously if it's meant to be we will get back together one day, if it's not well hopefully we can stay friends and at least build our friendship.

 

[Soubi7string]

bro
talk to her
resolve if possible
if not then drop it and move on
just resolve the problems, not ask her out or anything of the sort.
just try and resolve whatever issues are there or still linger

 

[lookralphsbak]

bro
talk to her
resolve if possible
if not then drop it and move on
just resolve the problems, not ask her out or anything of the sort.
just try and resolve whatever issues are there or still linger

That's the plan, I'd rather resolve things in person... i'm not gonna ask her on a date, I just want to get her and I out somewhere so we can meet in person and talk about things.

Thanks a bunch guys, means a lot!

 

[The Reverend]

That's the plan, I'd rather resolve things in person... i'm not gonna ask her on a date, I just want to get her and I out somewhere so we can meet in person and talk about things.

Thanks a bunch guys, means a lot!

You can get her back dude. I always get broken up with because I'm a dick, so I've gotten pretty good at getting girls to give me a second chance.

When you meet with her, keep it serious (you are under the guise of seeking closure, right?) but every now and then inject a wee bit of self-deprecating humor. I don't know exactly how y'alls relationship dynamics were, which will limit my capacity to help, but getting her to laugh will ease the tension.

You'll want to get her relaxed. Listen to what she says, accept it (unless you're always right, like I am) and choose what you say carefully. Don't point out her flaws, don't accuse her of anything, just focus on things you can control, i.e. yourself, your behavior blah blah fucking blah.

Once the discussion's melodramatic tension has been cut, show her why she fell in love with you. Be funny, quirky, romantic, intelligent. In short, be who you were the first few months y'all dated. Bring back that confidence, even if you have to fake it. It'll show on your face like AIDS under a blacklight.

Even if that first meeting doesn't accomplish much, don't forget to act like the above paragraph. She needs to question whether she's really better off without you, and if she's exposed to the you she loves the most, it'll sway her.

Hope my novel helps in some way. Keep me updated, as I have a lot of experience with what you're dealing with.

 

[lookralphsbak]

You can get her back dude. I always get broken up with because I'm a dick, so I've gotten pretty good at getting girls to give me a second chance.

When you meet with her, keep it serious (you are under the guise of seeking closure, right?) but every now and then inject a wee bit of self-deprecating humor. I don't know exactly how y'alls relationship dynamics were, which will limit my capacity to help, but getting her to laugh will ease the tension.

You'll want to get her relaxed. Listen to what she says, accept it (unless you're always right, like I am) and choose what you say carefully. Don't point out her flaws, don't accuse her of anything, just focus on things you can control, i.e. yourself, your behavior blah blah fucking blah.

Once the discussion's melodramatic tension has been cut, show her why she fell in love with you. Be funny, quirky, romantic, intelligent. In short, be who you were the first few months y'all dated. Bring back that confidence, even if you have to fake it. It'll show on your face like AIDS under a blacklight.

Even if that first meeting doesn't accomplish much, don't forget to act like the above paragraph. She needs to question whether she's really better off without you, and if she's exposed to the you she loves the most, it'll sway her.

Hope my novel helps in some way. Keep me updated, as I have a lot of experience with what you're dealing with.

Thanks man, we weren't in love to begin with, never got the opportunity to. We knew each other for around a year before we dated bc we interned at the same record label but we only dated for 3 months. It's nothing and most guys would have moved on but I've never been with a girl that I shared so much passions and interests with. If shit doesn't work out then like I've said before I'll take a friendship over anything because I really do care.

 

[Daemoniac]

4 days until our 6 year anniversary.

 

[lookralphsbak]

4 days until our 6 year anniversary.

Damn congrats man!

 

[Fzau]

I could easily get with this one girl that I like, and probably date her, but shes immature and hoe-ish. She may not cheat, but I know she'd want to, and probably wouldn't be a very good investment of my time.

FACEPALM.

Sort of the same situation here, man. The girl is cute as hell, extremely sexy, sweet and fun, but she has a history of going from one guy to the next and has been for a guy with two weeks now even though she seems to like me more.
From her kisses I can tell she has feelings for me, but to what extent is a mystery for me.

Fuck it, I'll probably take my shot. If it turns out to be something good, nice, if not, too bad.
No way in hell I'm committing myself to someone if that person doesn't do the same to me.

Pretty funny how I always fall for the slutty types, it's madness! My life is a mathcore ride.

Also, piercings and tattoo's are fucking hot.

Here are some angry songs for such occassions:

 

[Soubi7string]

broke up with my gf yesterday
I feel good about it since it was the best for us both
but I feel like shit cause it hurt us both really bad and I hid it away when I broke it off with her =/

 

[BrainArt]

4 days until our 6 year anniversary.

Congrats, Mischa!

 

[Katrina]

As of late I tend to hate myself because I feel so shallow for breaking up with my last gf since I think that no one will ever love me as truly as her. The girl literally WORSHIPED me, but she changed soooo much since I first knew her. She stopped dressing girly, started working out waaaaay too much and got too muscular and looked almost like she was starving she was so skinny, stopped shaving her pits because she apparently felt like that's the feminist thing to do....... But yeah, I pissed away a deep and loving relationship because she started to look different. I'm so fucking shallow I hate it. Anyone else been in this boat?

 

[renzoip]

As of late I tend to hate myself because I feel so shallow for breaking up with my last gf since I think that no one will ever love me as truly as her. The girl literally WORSHIPED me, but she changed soooo much since I first knew her. She stopped dressing girly, started working out waaaaay too much and got too muscular and looked almost like she was starving she was so skinny, stopped shaving her pits because she apparently felt like that's the feminist thing to do....... But yeah, I pissed away a deep and loving relationship because she started to look different. I'm so fucking shallow I hate it. Anyone else been in this boat?

Well, I had this problem with one of my exes. Not as severe, but after 2 years of dating she started gaining a lot of weight, dressing poorly, and not taking as much care of herself overall. I never told her how I felt about her change in look, but it did bother me. She eventually noticed that although I loved her, I did not feel as attracted or as comfortable as I used to. Needless to say, it made her feel bad, and it made me feel like a horrible shallow person.

Having that said, I would not put all the blame on you. If the tables were to turn, one assumes that the gf would be there and love us unconditionally, not necessarily true. She may turn out to be even more shallow. This is exactly what happened in my case. Once my ex lost the weight, started dressing nicely, and taking care of herself, it totally got to her hear, she suddenly became a really shallow person; she started acting as if she was too good for me, and that eventually caused us to break up.

And although she looks better now, I know I like the old her better. The point is that while I understand your concern, it is not totally your fault not to be attracted to someone who makes such a change (I mean, you did not meet her like that), not only because of the look, but because that attitude tells you something deeper about her personality.

 

[ayambakar]

just read the entire thread which teaches me these:

-musicians have troubles in love life, too.
-who JohnIce is and what his music is. pretty cool.
-a lot of people in this forums are adults.
-you can't really read tons of rant in an hour.
-I really love reading rants - gives many psychological insights.
-those friggin' funny tags.

all I have to say is that distance and religion difference sucks real bad.
I broke up with my gf (Jehovah) of 2 years mainly because I moved to the US to continue my study.

and after several months, I really haven't heard from her - in chatrooms, in twitter, in facebook, everywhere.

but on the upside, I stopped thinking about girls and really gets into my schoolwork - all A's for the last report card, fuck yea.

girls can really mess up a man's mind.

 

[Fzau]

I'm excited for tonight. There is a chance I might even give up my beloved single status.

 

[Cuda]

So here I am again. It's more of a vent than asking advice. I just gotta vent somehow or blow my head off, so, sorry dudes.

Well, I've been hanging out with Christy. Long time friend, always had something going on but she never would let her self do anything. She makes any excuse why to not hook up. But here is the kick in the pants. I've been trying to be supportive and give her space and be what her boyfriends should.

Well tonight she called me up to meet at a bar. Ok. Went well. Anyways, she had invited a few guys back to her place. Her friend asshured me nothing would happen. Blah balh

Long story short she fucked one of the dudes. I split when I figured out they were up to. I came home and started. Drinking. Yeah. Probably fucked more than one after I left. Haha I'm an idiot. How can I play boyfriend and never get to sex it up? What a loser I am.

 

[renzoip]

So here I am again. It's more of a vent than asking advice. I just gotta vent somehow or blow my head off, so, sorry dudes.

Well, I've been hanging out with Christy. Long time friend, always had something going on but she never would let her self do anything. She makes any excuse why to not hook up. But here is the kick in the pants. I've been trying to be supportive and give her space and be what her boyfriends should.

Well tonight she called me up to meet at a bar. Ok. Went well. Anyways, she had invited a few guys back to her place. Her friend asshured me nothing would happen. Blah balh

Long story short she fucked one of the dudes. I split when I figured out they were up to. I came home and started. Drinking. Yeah. Probably fucked more than one after I left. Haha I'm an idiot. How can I play boyfriend and never get to sex it up? What a loser I am.

Dude, don't be too hard on yourself. Many us have been in similar situation at some level; just forget about it and move on. What I mean by this is that many of us have played bf in order to get with a girl who won't get with us for whatever excuse, only to find that she will give it to some other guy without hesitation.

I think its just better to let her go and not waste any more of your time with her. When a girl starts giving me a bunch of excuses, I only believe 25% of it, as I've seen that often its a bunch of BS. There are plenty girls out there, at least this situation has shown you that this girl if not right for you. There are girls out there who will date you/sleep with you, no "ifs" or "buts".

I know you didn't ask for advice but still...

Good luck in for the New Year!