SS Love and Relationships Thread

[JoshuaVonFlash]

I know it's sort of tradition, but I think it's a really stupid tradition.

My kid is gonna have the name that sounds best with his/her name, or the cooler of the two. Hell, if I like my future partners last name I'm totally changing to that.

My first name would sound stupid with my mom's last name, which is Jackson. Hmmmmmm...Joshua Murray Vs. Joshua Jackon. I'll stick with Murray. But yeah switching to whose last name is best is a GENIUS idea, I'm surprised it isn't more common.

 

[Murmel]

You make it sound like nobody has ever thought of it before. Oh world, you so silly..

 

[Grand Moff Tim]

In Korea women don't change their names when they get married, and kids take their father's last name. It can actually be a source of ridicule for kids if they have their mother's last name, because here that would indicate that their mother had them out of wedlock, and Korea's still backwards enough for that to be a reason to insult someone.

 

[icos211]

I know it's sort of tradition, but I think it's a really stupid tradition.

My kid is gonna have the name that sounds best with his/her name, or the cooler of the two. Hell, if I like my future partners last name I'm totally changing to that.

It is tradition, and it's a tradition that I very firmly adhere to. I believe in tradition, especially when it comes to marriage. I believe that when you marry, you are creating a family, and it would do well for the family to be united under a single last name. Whether it is the woman or the man who changes their last name is entirely up to the individuals involved, and I'm not trying to shit on any man who would change their last name. It would be valiant for a man to change his last name in the interest of unifying his new family, if, say, the woman was the last in her line, in my traditionalist opinion. But I'm the only chance that my family name has to continue, so I can't change mine, and my name means enough to me that I wouldn't give it up for the world.

 

[Konfyouzd]

I can dig it.

 

[Varcolac]

I like the Spanish way. You can end up with like a million surnames and that's awesome. Father's got an "X de la Y" surname, mother's got an "A-B" surname? Congratulations, you're now Juan Miguel X de la Y A-B, and you sound like someone from a Zorro film. Badass.

Or at least you do to anyone outside of a Spanish-speaking country. I guess in Mexico you sound like John Smith.

 

[glassmoon0fo]

You should probably lay something on the line. Just be like "Hey, I really like spending time with you, and I think we connect really well. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it would be like if we took it to the next level." Something along those lines. And as for the "that would be difficult", you should counter with "Nothing good ever comes easy." That would be some When Harry Met Sally level shit right there.

I'd probably go the other direction with it, make it known to her that whoever gets there first is going to get Tim-paled (you can steal that term, Tim) and actually chat up other women. As things stand, she simply doesn't want you enough to move on it. OR, she was waiting for you to move on it and you didn't so she wrote you off. Either way, if she calls you up every now and then, she doesn't hate your company and that's a start. Again, go chase other women, and if she does like you, she'll start to chase YOU. If she doesn't, move on. Sounds like you have one-itis, but that mindset is a waste of time, so make sure no one woman that isn't your mom or girlfriend be too important in your life man. Good luck

 

[vilk]

Alright. Prior to now I had been loathe to come in here to whine about petty relationship nonsense, since let's face it, my "problems" pale in front of some if the shit my SSO homies have gone through. However, I need to fvcking vent.

There's a Korean chick I know here. She's a nurse who I met when I was in the hospital for my knee surgery. I got dem digits while I was there (mad game, son), and we've gone out to dinner a number of times since then, and caught a movie once. Sometimes I'll go a couple weeks without any contact, but then she randomly texts me, sometimes late at night, to see how I've been. She says she wants to start going on walks with me in the city. She asked her mom to help her teach me how to cook Korean food. She says she wants to hear me play guitar someday. She says she'd like to go out to the expat bars with me sometime.

Sounds good, right? Surely she's in to me, n'est-ce pas? Weeeeellllll...

We were out eating dinner tonight at an Indian restaurant popular with expats. It was going well, and I thought we were clicking even more than usual. At one point, though, an American couple came in. When she saw them, she said "I hope you can find an American girlfriend someday."

You know that sound Pac-Man makes when he dies? I'm pretty sure that's the sound my soul made.

I said "I'm not really interested in American girls. I'd rather have a Korean girlfriend." (Subtle, amirite?)
Her response: "Oh. I think that would be difficult."

WTF. What the actual fvck. What. In. The. Goddamned. Fvck.

Am I just terrible at reading signals? Are cultural difference so vast that what I perceived to be signs of interest were actually just normal human behavior here? Goddammit. I'm confused, frustrated, a little angry, and increasingly despondent.

Ay. Mujeres. Ustedes saben.

She's right though. That would be difficult. She probably does like you but she's thinking about the long term consequences of dating a foreigner. Were you planning on staying in Korea forever? "I'll stay here to be with her". Now that's a lot of pressure and responsibility you've inadvertently placed on her. Not everyone wants to be someone's sole purpose for being in a place. There's loads more, but she probably just meant what she said--that she's apprehensive about actually making it official with you because that light commitment could imply a much greater commitment to a lot of things that actually are quite difficult.

And if Korean women are anything like Japanese, if she's older than 25 she wants her next boyfriend to be the man she marries, nothing short-term.

 

[Grand Moff Tim]

She's right though. That would be difficult. She probably does like you but she's thinking about the long term consequences of dating a foreigner. Were you planning on staying in Korea forever? "I'll stay here to be with her". Now that's a lot of pressure and responsibility you've inadvertently placed on her. Not everyone wants to be someone's sole purpose for being in a place. There's loads more, but she probably just meant what she said--that she's apprehensive about actually making it official with you because that light commitment could imply a much greater commitment to a lot of things that actually are quite difficult.

And if Korean women are anything like Japanese, if she's older than 25 she wants her next boyfriend to be the man she marries, nothing short-term.

Yeah, she's actually 32, which is past the point that puts women in I NEED TO GET MARRIED-mode here in Korea.

And hey, if she considers me being a foreigner and whatever added pressures or complications that might add to a relationship reason enough to not want to take things to the next level, fair deuce. I'm cool with that. I'm just not cool with being strung along. That might not be what's actually happening, but from where I'm sitting that's certainly how it feels. She's not the only one who could be looking for someone to settle down with long-term. I'm no spring chicken, and my youthful days of sowing my wild oats are behind me and I wouldn't at all mind settling down to start a family. If she doesn't want to be anything more than just friends, cool. Whatever. I'd just like to know, so I can start looking elsewhere for someone who does.

 

[JoshuaVonFlash]

If she doesn't want to be anything more than just friends, cool. Whatever. I'd just like to know, so I can start looking elsewhere for someone who does.

You have to say this to her, she may be shy about it. But one of you needs to just say it.

 

[Murmel]

It is tradition, and it's a tradition that I very firmly adhere to. I believe in tradition, especially when it comes to marriage. I believe that when you marry, you are creating a family, and it would do well for the family to be united under a single last name. Whether it is the woman or the man who changes their last name is entirely up to the individuals involved, and I'm not trying to shit on any man who would change their last name. It would be valiant for a man to change his last name in the interest of unifying his new family, if, say, the woman was the last in her line, in my traditionalist opinion. But I'm the only chance that my family name has to continue, so I can't change mine, and my name means enough to me that I wouldn't give it up for the world.

I respect your opinion and your argument.
I still think it's wrong to force a name on somebody. Of course a kid is not gonna have a say in any of this, but when he/she grows old it's their own choice imo.

My parents don't share last names even though they're married, me and my siblings all have my mother's surname. I'm glad it turned out that way, because my name would sound ridiculous with my dad's. Both are generic, so in that way it doesn't really matter.

But I'm not as attached to names as others. Swedes in general don't feel strongly for their names or heritage. At least from my experience.
On the other hand, had I moved abroad I think it would've been cool to pass on my, in that case, foreign name.

 

[Konfyouzd]

One thing I've noticed...

After reading all these damn profiles... Like 85% of women write that the most important quality in a mate is honesty... Or they write some long-winded monologue in there that basically equates to "You better not lie to me."

Men...

Are we REALLY lying on that large a scale or is that one of those stereotypes women tell each other about us like how we say "Watch your wallet son, she a gold diggah!"?

 

[Cabinet]

It depends. In my experience women don't just want a man that won't lie, they want a man that can be open and honest with his vulnerabilities. It's a big thing about communication. If she asks what's bothering you, open up and tell her.

 

[Konfyouzd]

Ahh... I see... It's be cool if they led by example and communicated THAT point more clearly...

... or bothered to at least say hi after getting daily notifications that they've viewed your details... Window shopping I suppose... Or checking back to see if I've posted a pic yet that reveals whether or not I have muscles...

/nit-picky-douche-nozzle

 

[TylerEstes]

The word 'girlfriend' is a formality and a social construct. If you hang out a lot and have sex, she's your girlfriend. If you guys can fool around with other people and not care, you're in an open relationship. If either of you stop seeing each other or stop sleeping together, then you've broken up. It's only that you've decided to go about it all without placing these needless labels on everything you're doing. And props on that--that's the way it should be done anyway.

It doesn't matter what anyone calls it. It matters what you do.

We never talk and we hang out maybe twice a month. With girlfriends I try to talk to them every day and hang out with them at least once or twice a week with the occasional date. I don't consider her my girlfriend and we've never gone anywhere together unless it's GameStop. But we have sex every time we hang out. Not so with girlfriends. And with this girl I leave pretty much after I put my clothes on I agree with it matters what you do. Only hang out to have sex and then leave right afterward.

 

[flint757]

One thing I've noticed...

After reading all these damn profiles... Like 85% of women write that the most important quality in a mate is honesty... Or they write some long-winded monologue in there that basically equates to "You better not lie to me."

Men...

Are we REALLY lying on that large a scale or is that one of those stereotypes women tell each other about us like how we say "Watch your wallet son, she a gold diggah!"?

Big contradiction anyhow. When you first get with a girl both parties did some lying to get to that point usually. Dress nicer, clean up your place more than usual, shave on the regular even if you don't normally, etc. Women pretend they are either okay or into some of the things we as guys do and then in most cases flip the script when things get 'serious'. Guys do the same though I suppose.

In the dating game we are all trying to make ourselves overkill appealing. It's only once people begin to feel comfortable and secure that the relationship isn't going to dissipate that people start doing what they usually do again. Or let loose some undesirable traits. I've come to realize from observing mine and my friends relationships that it seems women think things guys like to do are usually 'childish'. Like being an adult and in particularly an adult in a relationship means dropping things in your past and picking up new less interesting hobbies.

Maybe I just need to find a girl whose hobby isn't being in a relationship.

 

[MFB]

I've been thinking about it the past few days what with Valentine's being this past weekend, and I'm always surprised at my apathy towards dating. My last relationship was in September of 2010 (and I even posted of it in this thread! ) which kind of fell into my lap but since then I haven't really cared. I could've had something during my stint in California two years ago but since I moved back I go to school 12 hours a week, do about 20 hours of homework, and work 30 hours a week - 24 hours of which are night shifts that go until midnight. Literally, the only day I'm NOT somewhere during the week is Fridays and on those days I don't want to do anything but recoup and gather strength for the next 6 day push.

Relationships to me are like breakfast, they're great and all but it's a lot of preparation for five to ten minutes of delicious food and then it's over

 

[Sean1242]

Relationships to me are like breakfast, they're great and all but it's a lot of preparation for five to ten minutes of delicious food and then it's over

As a culinary student, I absolutely love this analogy.

 

[Konfyouzd]

Maybe I just need to find a girl whose hobby isn't being in a relationship.

These are the worst *sang like John Ralfio*

 

[UnderTheSign]

The word 'girlfriend' is a formality and a social construct. If you hang out a lot and have sex, she's your girlfriend. If you guys can fool around with other people and not care, you're in an open relationship. If either of you stop seeing each other or stop sleeping together, then you've broken up. It's only that you've decided to go about it all without placing these needless labels on everything you're doing. And props on that--that's the way it should be done anyway.

It doesn't matter what anyone calls it. It matters what you do.

I disagree. Calling someone your girlfriend implies you're in a relationship and I think defining it as such is a mutual decision, not something that magically happens because you chill and boink on a (semi) regular basis.