SS Love and Relationships Thread

[Svava]

"Well I think you're a nice guy and I like talking to you but that's as far as it goes.."

Didn't you tell her that you play guitar?

 

[YolandaSargent]

Hey everyone!
I think I'm still into my ex... I know it's an old story, but the point is he's a douche and there's nothing to love about him. Moreover, I wasn't that much into him when we were together and I haven't yet figured out how douchy he is. Maybe that's that "loss+jealousy" thing, I don't know...

 

[CrushingAnvil]

There's your mistake. Life isn't a movie--it's usually not a great idea to up and confess your secret love to someone. A love confession is like an ultimatum. Feelings aren't so black and white for everyone. Maybe you're white (you really like her) but she's grey, and she might like you or she might not, but either way when you're on the spot it's easier to go with the sure thing... which is "no".

If you had a time rewinder, I would say that you needed to go back and ease your way in instead of just kicking down the door. If it were me, I would at least have tried kissing her when we were drunk or something. Or tried flirting with her more obviously. More likely the former. In these situations you can at least gauge the reaction and then realize oh, maybe I don't want to tell this girl my feelings... and maybe I should get new, different feelings....

But you don't have a time rewinder, probably. So... you done goofed. But, I will at least say that I've personally seen the scenario play out to where even though things are awkward for a while you eventually can still be friends. If that's even what you want. It helps the process along if she can see you trying to get with other girls and not acting like her friendzoned manbitch. Heck, it might even make her jealous and decide that she does like you after all!


..........................



In other news, I am such an ass. Or am I? Last night I finally get some time to myself and I go to the bar down the street, I get home, and call my girlfriend before I go to sleep.

For those of you who remember, yes it's the same girl and we haven't broken up. We've talked about it a ton of times in the last year, usually end up fighting, crying, hugging, making up, and then continuing on with our lives without having made any actual resolution to the problem of me moving home this May.

Anyways, it's like the only god damn thing we ever talk about. I'm so sick of it. We've been talking about it for a year, there's no clear solution, we're just going to have to break up and get on with our lives, but what's the point of doing it now instead of in 2 months when we are actually separated from each other? I think she thinks that if she keeps bringing it up that I'm going to give her some other answer, like "Ok let's get married so you can get a visa and come with me!", but it's not going to happen. So we can hardly end 2 nights a week without someone feeling upset about it. You know, I'm not thrilled either to leave a girl that I like this much, but I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it. I'm able to just live for the moment and enjoy what time we have left, but obviously she's not managing so well because all she ever does is bring it up. The way she speaks makes it seem like what happens to her is my responsibility, and sometimes I even find myself believing it until I realize--no, everyone is living his own life, and you're the one who chose to stay with me knowing full and well that I wont be here someday. I've been honest about the fact that I'm not sticking around since day 1. Do I really owe this girl something simply for being in a relationship with her? What? and how much? Is there actually anything I can do aside from staying in Japan or marrying her and bringing her to America? because honestly I don't want to do either of those! I wont! We both like spending time together and doing things together, and we've come this far... would there be any point in ending it approximately 60 days earlier than we need to? What's the meaning in 60 days?

Anyways, back to the point, I have this problem of being too... honest? when I've had a few. So I'm laying in my room in bed in the dark drunk and talking to my girlfriend when the same conversation we have every night pinky--try to take over the world! and though my memory if fuzzy I'm quite sure that I said something along the lines of "I don't see any possible way that you and I are going to be together in America". Which, of course, I've said many times before! However, she was responding with something... and then I wake up and it's the next day. I literally fell asleep while she was talking to me.

Hence, I am an ass. And she's not responding to me. I'd say it's for the best but I actually do feel really bad because even though I'm going to leave this girl, I would never intentionally do something so rude as to fall asleep on the phone with someone trying earnestly to talk to me about something serious. She knew I had been drinking...

I read the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second:

Yes you're completely right, but to be honest I did it because I knew she wouldn't be interested anyway.

I met someone else anyway and she's incredibly so whatever

 

[Santuzzo]

Hey everyone!
I think I'm still into my ex... I know it's an old story, but the point is he's a douche and there's nothing to love about him. Moreover, I wasn't that much into him when we were together and I haven't yet figured out how douchy he is. Maybe that's that "loss+jealousy" thing, I don't know...

I think it's natural to be still 'into' an ex after a break-up. It will take some time until you can let go, but in most of the cases (at least IMO) moving on is the right thing to do. Better days ahead.

 

[UnderTheSign]

Hence, I am an ass. And she's not responding to me. I'd say it's for the best but I actually do feel really bad because even though I'm going to leave this girl, I would never intentionally do something so rude as to fall asleep on the phone with someone trying earnestly to talk to me about something serious. She knew I had been drinking...

And here's your reason to break up now instead of in two months. Break up now, save yourself and her the pain the rest of the time. By knowing you'll be leaving anyway, you're pretty much just wasting eachothers time.

 

[Church2224]

So my ex-girlfriend officially has a new boyfriend three weeks after we broke up, and apparently it had been going on between the time we broke up and the time they were "Facebook Official"

Why do I have a weird feeling this started before we broke up, especially since she kept accusing me of trying to find a new girlfriend while I was with her?

 

[Konfyouzd]

Got one... She stayed over all weekend.

So far so good.

 

[Konfyouzd]

So my ex-girlfriend officially has a new boyfriend three weeks after we broke up, and apparently it had been going on between the time we broke up and the time they were "Facebook Official"

Why do I have a weird feeling this started before we broke up, especially since she kept accusing me of trying to find a new girlfriend while I was with her?

You're 100% correct. I experienced this exact same thing wy last "serious" gf.

 

[CrushingAnvil]

So my ex-girlfriend officially has a new boyfriend three weeks after we broke up, and apparently it had been going on between the time we broke up and the time they were "Facebook Official"

Why do I have a weird feeling this started before we broke up, especially since she kept accusing me of trying to find a new girlfriend while I was with her?

The girl who I mentioned who cheated on me, she 'accidentally' called me. I messaged her like "...did you just call me?"

She spins some shit about how her "boyfriend" was looking through her phone and accidentally called me.

.... off, you just wanted an excuse to mention the fact that you already have a new boyfriend, you collective pack of wankers.

 

[Señor Voorhees]

There's your mistake. Life isn't a movie--it's usually not a great idea to up and confess your secret love to someone. A love confession is like an ultimatum. Feelings aren't so black and white for everyone. Maybe you're white (you really like her) but she's grey, and she might like you or she might not, but either way when you're on the spot it's easier to go with the sure thing... which is "no".

If you had a time rewinder, I would say that you needed to go back and ease your way in instead of just kicking down the door. If it were me, I would at least have tried kissing her when we were drunk or something. Or tried flirting with her more obviously. More likely the former. In these situations you can at least gauge the reaction and then realize oh, maybe I don't want to tell this girl my feelings... and maybe I should get new, different feelings....

But you don't have a time rewinder, probably. So... you done goofed. But, I will at least say that I've personally seen the scenario play out to where even though things are awkward for a while you eventually can still be friends. If that's even what you want. It helps the process along if she can see you trying to get with other girls and not acting like her friendzoned manbitch. Heck, it might even make her jealous and decide that she does like you after all!


..........................



In other news, I am such an ass. Or am I? Last night I finally get some time to myself and I go to the bar down the street, I get home, and call my girlfriend before I go to sleep.

For those of you who remember, yes it's the same girl and we haven't broken up. We've talked about it a ton of times in the last year, usually end up fighting, crying, hugging, making up, and then continuing on with our lives without having made any actual resolution to the problem of me moving home this May.

Anyways, it's like the only god damn thing we ever talk about. I'm so sick of it. We've been talking about it for a year, there's no clear solution, we're just going to have to break up and get on with our lives, but what's the point of doing it now instead of in 2 months when we are actually separated from each other? I think she thinks that if she keeps bringing it up that I'm going to give her some other answer, like "Ok let's get married so you can get a visa and come with me!", but it's not going to happen. So we can hardly end 2 nights a week without someone feeling upset about it. You know, I'm not thrilled either to leave a girl that I like this much, but I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it. I'm able to just live for the moment and enjoy what time we have left, but obviously she's not managing so well because all she ever does is bring it up. The way she speaks makes it seem like what happens to her is my responsibility, and sometimes I even find myself believing it until I realize--no, everyone is living his own life, and you're the one who chose to stay with me knowing full and well that I wont be here someday. I've been honest about the fact that I'm not sticking around since day 1. Do I really owe this girl something simply for being in a relationship with her? What? and how much? Is there actually anything I can do aside from staying in Japan or marrying her and bringing her to America? because honestly I don't want to do either of those! I wont! We both like spending time together and doing things together, and we've come this far... would there be any point in ending it approximately 60 days earlier than we need to? What's the meaning in 60 days?

Anyways, back to the point, I have this problem of being too... honest? when I've had a few. So I'm laying in my room in bed in the dark drunk and talking to my girlfriend when the same conversation we have every night pinky--try to take over the world! and though my memory if fuzzy I'm quite sure that I said something along the lines of "I don't see any possible way that you and I are going to be together in America". Which, of course, I've said many times before! However, she was responding with something... and then I wake up and it's the next day. I literally fell asleep while she was talking to me.

Hence, I am an ass. And she's not responding to me. I'd say it's for the best but I actually do feel really bad because even though I'm going to leave this girl, I would never intentionally do something so rude as to fall asleep on the phone with someone trying earnestly to talk to me about something serious. She knew I had been drinking...

To be fair, and I sincerely doubt it's intentional, it's obvious she wants more of the relationship, and you want next to nothing to do with it? When you realized she wanted more than you want to give, why didn't you just end it? It is, to a degree, an asshole move to lead someone on like that. Perhaps you did tell her that once you leave, it's done, but the fact is is that you appear to be in an exclusive relationship with her. That sends one hell of a mixed message, like some weird "other level" of "friend zoning."

I think it's unfair to her to keep her around for your convenience. You're wasting a lot of her time by (unintentionally) giving her the impression that you want to be with her. All this time she's spending with you is time she could be spending looking for someone who feels the same way about her. Cut her loose sooner rather than later, for her own good.

 

[Konfyouzd]

Truth... A lot of dudes in this very thread are mad about that same thing.

 

[MFB]

Oh man, Jeph posted this on Twitter and it's just ...ugh

Alpha Moves For Married Dudes » The Worst Things For Sale

Nothing says, "I should write a book about marriage" like owning a fedora and calling yourself an alpha

 

[UnderTheSign]

That reminds me of some 'alpha male' blog/site where the writer claimed that all girls love to be dominated sexually, every one of them loves being choked and every girl secretly loves getting a facial.

The Amazon reviews on the book are amazing though. "Before I bought this book, I was worried that I wasn't being enough of a douchebag to my wife. Now I treat her like s***all the time, and I feel great! She's divorcing me though, so if that's not your goal, this might not work well for you"

 

[asher]

That reminds me of some 'alpha male' blog/site where the writer claimed that all girls love to be dominated sexually, every one of them loves being choked and every girl secretly loves getting a facial.

The Amazon reviews on the book are amazing though. "Before I bought this book, I was worried that I wasn't being enough of a douchebag to my wife. Now I treat her like s***all the time, and I feel great! She's divorcing me though, so if that's not your goal, this might not work well for you"

Ohhh Amazon reviews, coming to save the day

 

[Konfyouzd]

The term "alpha" seems to suggest you're more in touch with your primal self than your intelligence--or whatever it is these "alphas" have. Seems there should be more of a balance.

That said I pull off a fedora like nobody's business.

 

[Church2224]

That reminds me of some 'alpha male' blog/site where the writer claimed that all girls love to be dominated sexually, every one of them loves being choked and every girl secretly loves getting a facial.

The Amazon reviews on the book are amazing though. "Before I bought this book, I was worried that I wasn't being enough of a douchebag to my wife. Now I treat her like s***all the time, and I feel great! She's divorcing me though, so if that's not your goal, this might not work well for you"

The problem with those sites is they deal with absolutes and think that all of their techniques will work 100% of the time.

So why was it when I did everything they did to the letter I caught the girl with my douche bag buddy?

They also lay the blame on a guy that if he did not get the girl, it is all his fault. In reality all these sites do is give guys with low self esteem lower self esteem. Honestly, the guys who run them are assholes. There is some truth to it all but in reality a lot of it is toxic for the mind.

 

[UnderTheSign]

The problem with those sites is they deal with absolutes and think that all of their techniques will work 100% of the time.

So why was it when I did everything they did to the letter I caught the girl with my douche bag buddy?

They also lay the blame on a guy that if he did not get the girl, it is all his fault. In reality all these sites do is give guys with low self esteem lower self esteem. Honestly, the guys who run them are assholes. There is some truth to it all but in reality a lot of it is toxic for the mind.

My guess is the writers are usually either (too) full of themselves or deal with low self esteem issues and cover it up in 'alpha talk'. "A real man...." bla, bla, bla. A real man doesn't constantly have to verify his masculinity

 

[Church2224]

My guess is the writers are usually either (too) full of themselves or deal with low self esteem issues and cover it up in 'alpha talk'. "A real man...." bla, bla, bla. A real man doesn't constantly have to verify his masculinity

The only things my dad taught me a "Real Man" has is honor, respect, work ethic and treating people well. He has been married 25 years to my mom, so I guess maybe that's something a real man is.

Just do what works for you, that is what I always say.

 

[Cabinet]

I, personally, have never met a woman who did not like to be dominated sexually.

 

[Konfyouzd]

I have... Well...

Hmmm...



Well rather I"ve met a lot of women that like to dominate as much as they like to be dominated... Facesitting and what not...

I also rather dig a woman that's not afraid to tell you what she wants. Yes you can infer what she likes based on how she reacts to certain things but some women fake a lot of stuff although I'm convinced certain things just can't be faked... I'm very much okay with a woman being sexually demanding... It's when you just woke up and she's bitching at you to do something mundane that the bossiness starts to chip away at my nerves...