BucketheadRules
Fuzz pedal hoarder
If I had a pound for every time my wife complained about equality, I'd give her about 30p.
SS.org Joke Thread
- Thread starter mr_rainmaker
- Start date
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- jack rattlesnake
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SenorDingDong
Smeller of Smells
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2011
- Messages
- 3,853
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Is that how the play tennis in the UK--with bats?
flint757
Well-Known Member
baseballs seems like a better pick
Metal_Webb
Needs more strings
What's the difference between a strip club and a circus?
The circus is full of cunning stunts.
The circus is full of cunning stunts.
Gothic Headhunter
Born on a Monday
^and they both have camel toes
SilenceIsACrime
Indeed.
What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He flushed.
He flushed.
Genome
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 17, 2010
- Messages
- 1,578
- Reaction score
- 547
That sounds like a very civilised zombie.
glassmoon0fo
Some Say...
A man gets a call on his cell phone. It's the local police, and they tell him that his wife's been in a major car accident and he needs to go to the hospital immediately. He drops what he's doing and drives with a police escort to the emergency ward where they're opperating on his wife frantically. After 2 1/2 hours in surgery, a doctor comes out with a worried look on his face and says to the man, "Sir, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we were able to save your wife. The bad news is, she severed her spine and will need intensive care from here on out, and unless you have the money for a caretaker, you're going to be her lifeline. We have classes here that will teach you how to change her catheter and colostomy bags properly, and give you tips on spongebathing and general hygenic care like hair, nails, and such. You'll need to invest in some new furnature and transportation, a change in address may be needed to help accomodate. She can still have a suitable quality of life, but that pretty much depends on the care and support that you can give her." Devastated, the man buries his head in his hands and sobs openly. The doctor says, "NAH im fuckin with you she's dead."
SenorDingDong
Smeller of Smells
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2011
- Messages
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank coffee before it was cool.
Because he drank coffee before it was cool.
teamfive
Active Member
Then she said "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said...
"I don't ever want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Lol.. I got trolled.. xD
It really made me laugh reading the last line.. haha..
Fenriswolf
Well-Known Member
You might be to old to be in a band when the drugs are keeping you alive instead of killing you
Devyn Eclipse Nav
Avid Open C Enthusiast, Aspiring Ghibli Wizard
Rice is a great thing to eat when you want a thousand of something.
DaddleCecapitation
Manatees Last Breath
Two beekeepers meet in a shop and they start a conversation about their hives.
"How many bees do you have?", said the first beekeeper. The second beekeeper responded, "I have fifty-thousand bees." The first beekeeper then asked, "How many hives do you have?". "I have twenty hives", said the second beekeeper "fifty-thousand bees in twenty hives."
The first beekeeper seems unimpressed, so the second beekeeper asks, "How many bees do you have?" He says "I have a million bees." "A million bees?!" exclaimed the second beekeeper. "How many hives do you have?" The first beekeeper said "One." The second beekeeper was shocked. "A million bees in one hive!?!" The first beekeeper said "Yeah. Fuck 'em, they're bees!"
"How many bees do you have?", said the first beekeeper. The second beekeeper responded, "I have fifty-thousand bees." The first beekeeper then asked, "How many hives do you have?". "I have twenty hives", said the second beekeeper "fifty-thousand bees in twenty hives."
The first beekeeper seems unimpressed, so the second beekeeper asks, "How many bees do you have?" He says "I have a million bees." "A million bees?!" exclaimed the second beekeeper. "How many hives do you have?" The first beekeeper said "One." The second beekeeper was shocked. "A million bees in one hive!?!" The first beekeeper said "Yeah. Fuck 'em, they're bees!"
glassmoon0fo
Some Say...
A white man, black man, and native american are washed up an an island and captured by an undiscovered tribe of canibals. They tell the men, "you are going to be eaten, as you have trespassed on sacred land that no foreigner should ever see, but we will allow you to choose your death." They ask the black man, how do you want to die? The black man says, "I want to be hanged like my ancestors were when they resisted the restraints of racial opression." Content, he hands himself over. They hang the man as he requests, then devour his flesh and use his skin to make the outer shell of a canoe. Horrified, the other men look on in dispair.
They then ask the Native American, how do you wish to die? He says, I want to be beaten and then scalped, as the enimies of my tribe were beaten and scalped centuries ago. In my culture, nothing is more humbling than embracing the pain of the brothers you have harmed." The canibals do as the native wishes, beating him relentlessly until he no longer moves, then scalps him, devours his flesh and uses his skin to make a canoe.
The last man looks on with steely reserve. When they ask him, how do you want to die? he responds with, "I'm from Texas, and I want to be stabbed like my heroes at the Alamo were stabbed. BUT, I want to do it myself, because I'll be damned if anyone is going to take away my freedoms but me." The canibals respect his wish, and hand him a knife. The man takes it, says a prayer to himself, and stabs himself repetedly all over his body. With is last dying breath, the man says, "Make yer fuckin' boat now, you bastards!"
They then ask the Native American, how do you wish to die? He says, I want to be beaten and then scalped, as the enimies of my tribe were beaten and scalped centuries ago. In my culture, nothing is more humbling than embracing the pain of the brothers you have harmed." The canibals do as the native wishes, beating him relentlessly until he no longer moves, then scalps him, devours his flesh and uses his skin to make a canoe.
The last man looks on with steely reserve. When they ask him, how do you want to die? he responds with, "I'm from Texas, and I want to be stabbed like my heroes at the Alamo were stabbed. BUT, I want to do it myself, because I'll be damned if anyone is going to take away my freedoms but me." The canibals respect his wish, and hand him a knife. The man takes it, says a prayer to himself, and stabs himself repetedly all over his body. With is last dying breath, the man says, "Make yer fuckin' boat now, you bastards!"
FormerlyVintage
Well-Known Member
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MFB
Banned
You sure?
"thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative?"
Let's see!
Edit : god damn we can't say anal?
Edit 2: analternative
Edit 3: very interesting
"thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative?"
Let's see!
Edit : god damn we can't say anal?
Edit 2: analternative
Edit 3: very interesting
makeitreign
on dem hoes
It probably just won't let you type that long without spaces.
Brill
sweet little lolita.
I love the fact that when I'm at the gym, I'm always the one with the largest penis. Then again, I am the only one with an erection.
Furtive Glance
Unfamiliar with the type of thing I’m seeing.
This one's terrible, but whatever, haha:
A pregnant woman is at the hospital getting some scans done. The doctor tells her, "Ma'am, I have some good news and some bad news". She replies, "Oh, doc, please tell me the bad news first!" "Alright," he says, "Your baby's a ginger." She's stunned, "What?! How is that the bad news? What could possibly be the good news?!" "Ma'am, your baby's dead."
ba-dum-tshh. Again, terrible
A pregnant woman is at the hospital getting some scans done. The doctor tells her, "Ma'am, I have some good news and some bad news". She replies, "Oh, doc, please tell me the bad news first!" "Alright," he says, "Your baby's a ginger." She's stunned, "What?! How is that the bad news? What could possibly be the good news?!" "Ma'am, your baby's dead."
ba-dum-tshh. Again, terrible
