MrPepperoniNipples
Well-Known Member
I would have recognized the lack of cleavage pretty quickly
SS.org Joke Thread
- Thread starter mr_rainmaker
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- jack rattlesnake
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I would have recognized the lack of cleavage pretty quickly
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Fiction
For Mod
and dat ass
tacotiklah
I am Denko (´･ω･`)
Bullshit. Like a drummer can even spell car.
Tommy
Terribly Unlucky
Preferably told in person and dragged out longer.
So... there was this Cheerio that was working at the Fruit Loop factory. He worked for his boss that was a frosted Cheerio. He decided one day that he was sick and tired of working for this frosted Cheerio and he was gonna work his way to the top. So he worked harder than all the other Cheerio, slaving away for weeks. Day after, after day he continued. Then finally after all those extra hours of work he was promoted to being a frosted Cheerio. Alas, once he became a frosted Cheerio he found out he had to work for a honey nut Cheerio. He did the same thing as last time and he was gonna become a honey nut Cheerio. This time it was harder, late nights, loss of a good relationship with a cute piece of Shredded Wheat, he didn't care. After months of working as hard as he could he made it. They promoted him to being a honey nut Cheerio. He thought he had made it this time. No, that's when he found out he had to work directly under a Fruit Loop. He wanted to be his own boss and he took charge. He worked like he never worked before, no sick days, no vacations, sometimes even sleeping in his office. He did everything for this Fruit Loop, got him coffee, milk, those slutty Fruity Pebble hookers, doing things he never would have done. He was completely spent, emotionally, physically, and mentally. He was at his wits end then finally his Fruit Loop boss invited him to a party. He believed this may be it. He was so excited as they both arrived at the party. The Fruit Loop told the honey nut Cheerio to get him a drink. Get him some milk, if there's no milk then get lemonade, if no lemonade get fruit punch. So the honey nut Cheerio got into the line for milk. He was stuck there for about 10 minutes waiting. Then finally he was second in line and they ran out of milk. He was a little upset about this but then he got into the lemonade line. The line was so long. He was stuck there for a good hour. Then he was about to get some lemonade and they ran out. He was pissed now. Then he (and you) realized there is no punch line...
I love this joke so much. Love telling it at parties. Thank you for wasting part of your life.
Even though I probably wasted more of mine typing this out.
So... there was this Cheerio that was working at the Fruit Loop factory. He worked for his boss that was a frosted Cheerio. He decided one day that he was sick and tired of working for this frosted Cheerio and he was gonna work his way to the top. So he worked harder than all the other Cheerio, slaving away for weeks. Day after, after day he continued. Then finally after all those extra hours of work he was promoted to being a frosted Cheerio. Alas, once he became a frosted Cheerio he found out he had to work for a honey nut Cheerio. He did the same thing as last time and he was gonna become a honey nut Cheerio. This time it was harder, late nights, loss of a good relationship with a cute piece of Shredded Wheat, he didn't care. After months of working as hard as he could he made it. They promoted him to being a honey nut Cheerio. He thought he had made it this time. No, that's when he found out he had to work directly under a Fruit Loop. He wanted to be his own boss and he took charge. He worked like he never worked before, no sick days, no vacations, sometimes even sleeping in his office. He did everything for this Fruit Loop, got him coffee, milk, those slutty Fruity Pebble hookers, doing things he never would have done. He was completely spent, emotionally, physically, and mentally. He was at his wits end then finally his Fruit Loop boss invited him to a party. He believed this may be it. He was so excited as they both arrived at the party. The Fruit Loop told the honey nut Cheerio to get him a drink. Get him some milk, if there's no milk then get lemonade, if no lemonade get fruit punch. So the honey nut Cheerio got into the line for milk. He was stuck there for about 10 minutes waiting. Then finally he was second in line and they ran out of milk. He was a little upset about this but then he got into the lemonade line. The line was so long. He was stuck there for a good hour. Then he was about to get some lemonade and they ran out. He was pissed now. Then he (and you) realized there is no punch line...
I love this joke so much. Love telling it at parties. Thank you for wasting part of your life.
Even though I probably wasted more of mine typing this out.
Not as bad as the 25 minutes I spent (I refuse to think it was wasted) reading the Snake in the Desert Story earlier in this thread. Still a good joke, though.
Still a good joke, though. Tommy
Terribly Unlucky
Not as bad as the 25 minutes I spent (I refuse to think it was wasted) reading the Snake in the Desert Story earlier in this thread.
I usually take about 25 to 30 minutes with that joke in real life. Drag it out and add more "fluff" to it. When I get to the "punchline" it bewilders people then the get it. Then they don't want anything to do with me for a while.
Devyn Eclipse Nav
Avid Open C Enthusiast, Aspiring Ghibli Wizard
Not as bad as the 25 minutes I spent (I refuse to think it was wasted) reading the Snake in the Desert Story earlier in this thread.
I freaking love the Snake in a Desert joke, because it's a great story, with a absolutely terrible punch line.
tacotiklah
I am Denko (´･ω･`)
I thought of this one last night. It's terrible, but that's the point. Probably a good joke to tell when up on stage when technical difficulties are being sorted out:
Hey did you guys hear about the little boy that caught his mother having sex with an oak tree? Yeah I guess that tree is one shady motherfucker.
Hey did you guys hear about the little boy that caught his mother having sex with an oak tree? Yeah I guess that tree is one shady motherfucker.
Brill
sweet little lolita.
Bump, the humor.must live!
Who visits africian children while they sleep on christmas?
Death.
If the world did end, the justin beiber and all those other shitty musicians would die... I think 6 billion people dying for that is a small price.
I can usually judge the attractiveness of a women by how many times my girlfriens calls her a whore.
Being single and unemployed is a lot.like being married. You dont have any money, and you dont get sex.
Who visits africian children while they sleep on christmas?
Death.
If the world did end, the justin beiber and all those other shitty musicians would die... I think 6 billion people dying for that is a small price.
I can usually judge the attractiveness of a women by how many times my girlfriens calls her a whore.
Being single and unemployed is a lot.like being married. You dont have any money, and you dont get sex.
facepalm66
The Master of Joints
What did a little cute girl with no arms and no legs get for christmas?
Cancer...
Cancer...
Fenriswolf
Well-Known Member
How was Brokeback Mountain like the NFL? The cowboys suck.
glassmoon0fo
Some Say...
Whats black, blue, and doesn't like sex?
The korean boy in my closet.
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's fingers.
Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling and singing?
He doesn't know he's black.
The korean boy in my closet.
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's fingers.
Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling and singing?
He doesn't know he's black.
Rustee
†The Skyrim Bard†
Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.
JosephAOI
Thinks Jazz = Metal
Two gay guys are having sex in the shower. Right when the one receiving is about to finish, the one pitching stops and says, "Hold on a second, don't finish till I get back", and gets out. When he comes back, there is jizz EVERYWHERE. Like on the fucking ceiling and shit. Just everywhere. The one who was pitching yells, "I told you not to finish until I got back!!!" so the one who was receiving yells back, "I didn't, I farted!!"
glassmoon0fo
Some Say...
So, completely atypical of this thread, a friend of mine worked at a daycare on a military base in germany, and she taught this german kid how to tell jokes (he was 4 and spoke pretty good english apparently). So, he comes up to my friend and says
"Knock Knock!"
She says "Who's there?"
and he cracks the fuck up and runs away. I still lol'd
"Knock Knock!"
She says "Who's there?"
and he cracks the fuck up and runs away. I still lol'd
tacotiklah
I am Denko (´･ω･`)
Hell I might as well since we've covered everything else that could be offensive:
An old man is just back from Thailand with his new Thai bride.
Lying in bed, his new bride is playing with his manhood slowly stroking it up and down. The old man says, "You must love that, you haven't left it alone since we got back."
The bride sighed wistfully and replied, "Not really...I just really miss mine."
An old man is just back from Thailand with his new Thai bride.
Lying in bed, his new bride is playing with his manhood slowly stroking it up and down. The old man says, "You must love that, you haven't left it alone since we got back."
The bride sighed wistfully and replied, "Not really...I just really miss mine."
AngstRiddenDreams
Filthy Casual
That reminds me of the hangover 2.
flexkill
Vodka & PentaTonic
A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."
Furtive Glance
Unfamiliar with the type of thing I’m seeing.
Just read this one the other day. Pretty funny. I think there's a few variations on it.
A man is watching television with his wife. A newscaster comes on with a special report about a mining accident involving the deaths of 9 Brazilian miners and the research into the accident is ongoing. The wife starts sobbing uncontrollably. The man tries to console her to no avail, "They were miners. They knew the inherent risks."
She cries harder, "But there were 9 Brazilian of them!"
A man is watching television with his wife. A newscaster comes on with a special report about a mining accident involving the deaths of 9 Brazilian miners and the research into the accident is ongoing. The wife starts sobbing uncontrollably. The man tries to console her to no avail, "They were miners. They knew the inherent risks."
She cries harder, "But there were 9 Brazilian of them!"
