Ed_Ibanez_Shred
Baritone sixes
A dirty old man is dragging a young girl into a dark, scary forest. She says "I'm scared!" and the old man says "You're scared? I'm the one who has to walk back alone!"
SS.org Joke Thread
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mcleanab
Theta Sagan Swords
Only the punch line of this joke was said in the movie "Baby Mama." It was right at the beginning of a scene shift... I was watching with a few people and no one laughed and I spit my drink all over the table...
straightshreddd
Dat Dood
Joke I made up the other day that could be used for stand up:
I used to think CrossFit was a workout for religious people that wanted the body of Christ.
I used to think CrossFit was a workout for religious people that wanted the body of Christ.
metallic1
Well-Known Member
2 women were in the supermarket looking at potatoes.
the first lady picks one up and says...
"this reminds me of my husbands balls".
the second lady says "wow they're that big?!"
the first lady answers....
"no, they're that dirty.
the first lady picks one up and says...
"this reminds me of my husbands balls".
the second lady says "wow they're that big?!"
the first lady answers....
"no, they're that dirty.
Ed_Ibanez_Shred
Baritone sixes
I'm very proud of this physics joke I made up
What is Alexander Litvinenko's least favourite teletubbie?
Po.
What is Alexander Litvinenko's least favourite teletubbie?
Po.
MrPepperoniNipples
Well-Known Member
joke of the year
tacotiklah
I am Denko (´･ω･`)
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but he also admitted doing it.
Now, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
One Student: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
Now, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
One Student: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
IbanezDaemon
Raptus regaliter
Jonny has been off school for a few days and the teacher
asks him the reason for his time off.
'Sorry Miss' he replied, 'but my Dad got a bad burn last week'
'That's terrible' replied the teacher. 'Was it really a bad burn'?
Jonny replies: 'Yeah they don't f**k about at our local crematorium'.
asks him the reason for his time off.
'Sorry Miss' he replied, 'but my Dad got a bad burn last week'
'That's terrible' replied the teacher. 'Was it really a bad burn'?
Jonny replies: 'Yeah they don't f**k about at our local crematorium'.
Vhyle
Jackson Shill
How did I miss this thread? It's pure gold.
A man goes into a bar, and orders three beers. He points at each of them and says "happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday". He drinks them and leaves.
Same day next year, he comes back, and does it again. Says "happy birthday" to three beers, drinks and leaves.
Same day the year after, he does it again. The bartender noticed the trend and asked the man "I notice you do this every year. What's the story?" The man replied "Me and two of my best friends all share the same birthday, so when we parted ways, we promised each other that we would do this at our local bars every year." Bartender says "Ah ok, that's nice."
Same day next year, the man comes back and only orders two beers instead of three. The bartender remembers, and asks "Hey what happened to your third friend? Did he pass away?"
The man said "No, I quit drinking."
A man goes into a bar, and orders three beers. He points at each of them and says "happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday". He drinks them and leaves.
Same day next year, he comes back, and does it again. Says "happy birthday" to three beers, drinks and leaves.
Same day the year after, he does it again. The bartender noticed the trend and asked the man "I notice you do this every year. What's the story?" The man replied "Me and two of my best friends all share the same birthday, so when we parted ways, we promised each other that we would do this at our local bars every year." Bartender says "Ah ok, that's nice."
Same day next year, the man comes back and only orders two beers instead of three. The bartender remembers, and asks "Hey what happened to your third friend? Did he pass away?"
The man said "No, I quit drinking."
OmegaSlayer
Well-Known Member
Do you know why women are so bad at parking?
Because boyfriends and husbands keep telling them this is 9 inches
Because boyfriends and husbands keep telling them this is 9 inches
asher
So Did We
^
OmegaSlayer
Well-Known Member
Sorry if my jokes have hiccups but I translate them from Italian so...
Little Johnny enters the bathroom while his father is having a shower.
He lands his eyes there and seeing hair and stuff asks: "Dad, what did you have there?"
"Eheh, a broom son!"
"Cool Daddy! How much did you paid it?"
"10 $! Quite a deal huh?"
Some time later Little Johnny enters the bathroom while his mother is having a shower.
"Hey Mum, what you got there between your leg?"
"That's a very soft broom Johnny"
"Oooooh! How much did you paid for that?"
"35 $ dear!"
"Hey Mum, I think you've been scammed! For 10$ Daddy got a stick too!"
Little Johnny enters the bathroom while his father is having a shower.
He lands his eyes there and seeing hair and stuff asks: "Dad, what did you have there?"
"Eheh, a broom son!"
"Cool Daddy! How much did you paid it?"
"10 $! Quite a deal huh?"
Some time later Little Johnny enters the bathroom while his mother is having a shower.
"Hey Mum, what you got there between your leg?"
"That's a very soft broom Johnny"
"Oooooh! How much did you paid for that?"
"35 $ dear!"
"Hey Mum, I think you've been scammed! For 10$ Daddy got a stick too!"
OmegaSlayer
Well-Known Member
There are 3 friends.
An American, a German and an Italian talking.
The American says: "In America we have planes that fly so high they reach the infinite!"
And the German and Italian: "No way!"
And the American: "Well, two inches below
"
The German says: "In Germany we have submarine that dive so much they touch the bottom of the deepest sea trench!"
And the American and the Italian: "No way!"
The German: "Well, two inches above"
The Italian stays silent thinking that Italians don't have such incredible things, so the American and German starts to mock him: "What do you have that is cool in Italy"
"Lots of things" says the Italian, "just let me figure out one that stands up a lot!
Oh yeah, I got it!
In Italy our women give birth from their assholes!"
The German and the American: "No way!"
And the Italian: "Well, two inches above"
An American, a German and an Italian talking.
The American says: "In America we have planes that fly so high they reach the infinite!"
And the German and Italian: "No way!"
And the American: "Well, two inches below
"The German says: "In Germany we have submarine that dive so much they touch the bottom of the deepest sea trench!"
And the American and the Italian: "No way!"
The German: "Well, two inches above
"The Italian stays silent thinking that Italians don't have such incredible things, so the American and German starts to mock him: "What do you have that is cool in Italy"
"Lots of things" says the Italian, "just let me figure out one that stands up a lot!
Oh yeah, I got it!
In Italy our women give birth from their assholes!"
The German and the American: "No way!"
And the Italian: "Well, two inches above
" OmegaSlayer
Well-Known Member
Seems lately I'm alone trying to keep this thread up LOL
Well, a classy middle aged man enters a renowned hotel and goes to the desk and asks the concierge: "Sir, I would like to know if this location meets my standards. I need clean rooms, peace and silence, and most of all, dignity. I don't want to stay in a place where the guy next door brings a prostitute to her room with the help of the staff"
The concierge: "Sir, our hotel meets the high standards in confort, elegance and integrity.
Our clientele is selected, refined, classy and distinguished. You can have what you expect from our place"
The customers says: "Well, thank you. I want to book a room for a week, please"
The concierge fills the registration, then calls the porter to take the man's luggages and guide the man to the room at the first floor.
After getting out of the lift and walking through the hallway, the classy man noticed the very first door open and he can't help but have a peek inside...and lo! he sees a woman squeezing his naked breast and a man with his pants down, holding an open umbrella with the right hand and his testicles in his left.
The classy man bursts in wrath and he runs to the concierge and starts venting.
"Your hotel is the peak of lack of dignity! In all my trips I've never seen something as outrages as today. This is gross, unacceptable!"
The concierge is a bit puzzled and asks: "I beg your pardon, sir, what are you referring to?"
The classy man: "What am I referring to? What am I referring to? Are you kidding me? Are you seriously kidding me? Are you pretending to not know what happens here at the first floor?"
The concierge is more and more surprised and a bit curious: "Actually I'm not aware of any kind of foul activities. Please explain sir."
The classy man: "I passed in front of the very first room of the first floor and saw a naked woman grabbing her own breast and a man holding in his hands his testicles and an open umbrella! Is it normal for you?"
Concierge: "Oh sir, I know that, but there's some bias on your side.
That is a sweet deaf-mute couple on their honeymoon.
The wife was saying 'Dear, please get out and take some milk', and her husband was replying 'My balls! It's raining outside!'"
Well, a classy middle aged man enters a renowned hotel and goes to the desk and asks the concierge: "Sir, I would like to know if this location meets my standards. I need clean rooms, peace and silence, and most of all, dignity. I don't want to stay in a place where the guy next door brings a prostitute to her room with the help of the staff"
The concierge: "Sir, our hotel meets the high standards in confort, elegance and integrity.
Our clientele is selected, refined, classy and distinguished. You can have what you expect from our place"
The customers says: "Well, thank you. I want to book a room for a week, please"
The concierge fills the registration, then calls the porter to take the man's luggages and guide the man to the room at the first floor.
After getting out of the lift and walking through the hallway, the classy man noticed the very first door open and he can't help but have a peek inside...and lo! he sees a woman squeezing his naked breast and a man with his pants down, holding an open umbrella with the right hand and his testicles in his left.
The classy man bursts in wrath and he runs to the concierge and starts venting.
"Your hotel is the peak of lack of dignity! In all my trips I've never seen something as outrages as today. This is gross, unacceptable!"
The concierge is a bit puzzled and asks: "I beg your pardon, sir, what are you referring to?"
The classy man: "What am I referring to? What am I referring to? Are you kidding me? Are you seriously kidding me? Are you pretending to not know what happens here at the first floor?"
The concierge is more and more surprised and a bit curious: "Actually I'm not aware of any kind of foul activities. Please explain sir."
The classy man: "I passed in front of the very first room of the first floor and saw a naked woman grabbing her own breast and a man holding in his hands his testicles and an open umbrella! Is it normal for you?"
Concierge: "Oh sir, I know that, but there's some bias on your side.
That is a sweet deaf-mute couple on their honeymoon.
The wife was saying 'Dear, please get out and take some milk', and her husband was replying 'My balls! It's raining outside!'"
mcleanab
Theta Sagan Swords
Old guy goes to a job interview and the Human Resources guys asks him, "What would you say is your greatest weakness?" The old guys says, "Honesty." The HR guy says, "I don't think honesty is a weakness." The old guy says, "I don't give a f*$k what you think."
How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
One to screw in the bulb, the other to hold the p3nis.
Ladder!
I meant ladder.
How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
One to screw in the bulb, the other to hold the p3nis.
Ladder!
I meant ladder.
Don Vito
Well-Known Member
okay so rich people have all this money and sex and fame, but you know what they don't have?
the blessings of allah and the privilege of jihad
it's a joke, but also something to think about
the blessings of allah and the privilege of jihad
it's a joke, but also something to think about
Low Baller
Well-Known Member
Ok I will bite:
There's a store that sells husbands and a woman walks in.
The first floor is full of guys who are nice. The woman is pleased but decides to check out the next floor.
The second floor is full of guys who are nice and good looking. The woman is pleased but still decides to see the next floor.
The third floor is full of guys who are good looking, nice, and have great jobs. The woman is very pleased but she thinks what is on that fourth floor.
She gets to the fourth floor and finds nothing except a sign. The sign says you're the 63,455 visitor to this floor. This just goes to show woman are impossible please go to the exit.
Then....There's a store selling wives and a guy enters the store
On the first floor is full of good looking woman.
The second floor.....no one has ever been on.
There's a store that sells husbands and a woman walks in.
The first floor is full of guys who are nice. The woman is pleased but decides to check out the next floor.
The second floor is full of guys who are nice and good looking. The woman is pleased but still decides to see the next floor.
The third floor is full of guys who are good looking, nice, and have great jobs. The woman is very pleased but she thinks what is on that fourth floor.
She gets to the fourth floor and finds nothing except a sign. The sign says you're the 63,455 visitor to this floor. This just goes to show woman are impossible please go to the exit.
Then....There's a store selling wives and a guy enters the store
On the first floor is full of good looking woman.
The second floor.....no one has ever been on.
Low Baller
Well-Known Member
And here's some horrible terrible corny jokes.
Just bare with me I just flew in from Phoenix....boy are my arms tired (ba dum tss). Anyway.
Three robbers are running from the cops. There's a dog crate, cat crate, and sack of potatoes. One robber jumps on the cat cage, one in the dog cage, and one in the sack of potatoes.
The cop kicks the dog cage.
The robber goes "woof woof"
The cop moves on
Then the cop kicks the cat cage
The robber goes "meow"
The cop moves on
Then the cop kicks the sack of potatoes
The robber goes "POTATOES!!!!"
One more this isn't meant to offend anyone's faith or culture
Friend one: My wife left me today...she's now seeing that Indian guy across town.
Friend two: I am very sorry to hear that are you ok?
Friend one: Yeah, I know he will be better to her than I was. Indian people do worship cows after all.
Just bare with me I just flew in from Phoenix....boy are my arms tired (ba dum tss). Anyway.
Three robbers are running from the cops. There's a dog crate, cat crate, and sack of potatoes. One robber jumps on the cat cage, one in the dog cage, and one in the sack of potatoes.
The cop kicks the dog cage.
The robber goes "woof woof"
The cop moves on
Then the cop kicks the cat cage
The robber goes "meow"
The cop moves on
Then the cop kicks the sack of potatoes
The robber goes "POTATOES!!!!"
One more this isn't meant to offend anyone's faith or culture
Friend one: My wife left me today...she's now seeing that Indian guy across town.
Friend two: I am very sorry to hear that are you ok?
Friend one: Yeah, I know he will be better to her than I was. Indian people do worship cows after all.
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