Why are you sad right now?
- Thread starter Alex Kenivel
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watson503
Los Cochinos
My condolences to you and your family, man.And now he's deadJust got the phone call...
High Plains Drifter
... drifting...
Sorry, poke... very sorry. Condolences, man.
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p0ke
7-string guitard
Thanks guys. I spoke to my mom yesterday evening, and she sounded relieved in a way - she'd been driving 200km to his place and back every weekend since my grandma died to cook for him and take care of his other general things. Since his condition deteriorated quite rapidly, it started becoming more and more stressful. He lost his will to live when grandma died, and I'm not surprised, they were married and mostly always together for almost 60 years after all. I tend to be a bit skeptical about life after death, but I really like to think that he gets to be with grandma from now to eternity.
TedEH
Cromulent
I'm currently stuck in a weird mind-frame where I can't tell if my work/life balance is off, or if I'm right to be upset about when things go wrong for me at work, even when it's arguably "small problems". I spend a lot of time in the office (probably too much time), and as such I want to feel like my time here is valuable and is spent doing good work. I want to feel like there's some level of trust in my judgment and the way that I design and implement my work. Am I putting too much weight in what happens in the office because the majority of my waking time is spent here? Or is the life balance thing irrelevant, and I have every right to stand behind the work that I'm doing?
I really hate that feeling of both being really mad at something, but also doubting whether or not it's fair for me to be mad in the first place. It feels defeating either way.
I really hate that feeling of both being really mad at something, but also doubting whether or not it's fair for me to be mad in the first place. It feels defeating either way.
There's nothing wrong with having enough pride in your work that it bothers you when something goes wrong or management screws up, etc.
But, it's important to step back and not let it completely grab a hold of you.
I'm at work way too much, and I take a lot of pride in the work I do as well. Do I get frustrated by work? Of course. Do I sometimes take that frustration home with me? I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but I've worked hard to make it as minimal as possible.
The way I see it, I'm hourly. If I'm off the clock, it's no longer my responsibility. I owe my work the best job I can give when I'm there being paid to do it.
lewis
Well-Known Member
Im quickly losing the passion for gigging - it just seems more hassle than its worth.
between members who are obsessed with only ever coming across as "professional" at all times - to members of the public/other bands who just want to act jealous and pathetic
nothing about it is fun now and its having an adverse effect on my writing too - its all just "meh"
between members who are obsessed with only ever coming across as "professional" at all times - to members of the public/other bands who just want to act jealous and pathetic
nothing about it is fun now and its having an adverse effect on my writing too - its all just "meh"
TedEH
Cromulent
I'm not reaaaaaally hourly - I sort of stroll in when I feel like it in the morning, and leave when I feel like I did enough for the day - sometimes that's after my standard 8 hour day, but more often than not, I'm here for longer than that. It's flexible enough that the amount of time I spend here is definitely by choice. It's not uncommon for me to wake up, go to work, go home, have maybe 2-3 hours to myself, then go to bed and repeat. I just keep getting stuck in situations where whenever I try to take on a task of any importance, there's some kind of push-back, and it kills any confidence or enthusiasm I had in that work. I unfortunately can't go into any real details, and I don't have a good analogy for it.
And then when something does go wrong, I normally like to be that guy who doesn't take work home, but it's hard to invest so much effort into something, and not have the rest of your day be ruined when it blows up. I just can't switch that off when I leave the building all the time, as much as I try to. The amount of time I spent at work transform a "problem at work" into a "problem with the one thing you're doing with your life right now", which is where I question the balance thing.
And then when something does go wrong, I normally like to be that guy who doesn't take work home, but it's hard to invest so much effort into something, and not have the rest of your day be ruined when it blows up. I just can't switch that off when I leave the building all the time, as much as I try to. The amount of time I spent at work transform a "problem at work" into a "problem with the one thing you're doing with your life right now", which is where I question the balance thing.
It sounds like your problem is two fold: 1) you don't feel like you're being valued at work and 2) you take too much of work home with you.
When I think "work life balance" I feel that as long as you're happy and the amount you're working isn't negatively affecting your life, health, and interpersonal relationships, you're fine. If at any time those start becoming difficult, plan to roll back your investment in work, at least temporarily. I know it can be difficult, but there are strategies out there depending on the occupation and your own idiosyncrasies.
As for not being valued, the hardest part is determining whether you actually are, or if it's just how you feel. Neither is right or wrong, but it'll determine where you start working on the issue.
Do you have any peers at work you'd feel comfortable talking candidly about this with?
TedEH
Cromulent
Yup. That part drives me nuts.
I've been pretty blunt about it with my immediate lead. I was assured that, of course it's just how I feel, of course the value what I'm doing, etc. I may have to keep poking at that one. There are layers to the situation. I don't deny that one of those layers is my own head. But I'm confident it's not the only significant layer.
I appreciate the feedback on my ranting though.
I meant coworkers, not supervisors. Someone who is more removed from the situation, yet privy to some of the finer details and interactions.
I often ask for feedback from workgroup members, especially after some of the more "lively" interactions between myself and supervisors. "Hey, was I crazy or....","Do you think that was too...", etc.
I've been a steward and counselor at my current work for the past decade, and even before that. If you have any questions or anything, feel free to reach out.
Konfyouzd
Return of the Dread-I
My amp... She die...
Ordacleaphobia
Shameless Contrarian
I feel it, man. I'm something of a perfectionist (...as indicated by my username), and when I make a mistake at work, or whenever things just go off the rails, I do let it follow me for a while. Same as you, I know I shouldn't; but I do. I'm a child of 2 business owners, and grew up watching a bunch of inept employees cost my parents money left and right. The mantra of my household was always "do it right or why bother doing it at all." So I always wanted to be the good employee, I always wanted to be the guy that people could rely on. I wanted it to where if my name was on a project, people would expect good things. So I put a lot of time and effort into my work, and usually- it shows. Sometimes though shit happens.
Something that I did that helped a bit was taking these occasions and turning it into a challenge for myself. Don't get me wrong, I'd still get mad at myself, but it was...a 'productive rage,' if that makes any sense. It was motivation to never do that again, and avoid having to deal with that situation. So if a project I was working on went sideways for whatever reason, I would bend over backwards in the future to ensure that whatever caused that hiccup (even if it wasn't even my fault) doesn't happen again in the future.
Suffice to say though that sometimes dumb shit just happens and you need to turn it off for a while, pour yourself a drink, tune out, and play video games for a bit. Just do something else to sidetrack your mind away from fixating on it.
Like Max said, talking to others is always a good idea. And I don't know what your relationship is like with your leads, but if it's mostly positive, I would put stock into what they say.
Most good management will be sincere in answering that question. At least in my experience, if I earnestly ask my supervisor how I'm doing, where there's room for improvement, etc- I get an honest response. It cuts sometimes, but it's better to know, you know? The hard part is just trusting them when they only say good things. You just have to remind yourself to believe them. You forget sometimes that it's in their best interest to tell you when you're not pulling your weight.
My amp... She die...
nnnnnNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Didn't you just get a new one? I remember recommending an amp to you. Is this the new one you got?My amp... She die...
Konfyouzd
Return of the Dread-I
Yea that Randall is not doing so well anymore... They're letting me return it so the hunt begins anew.Didn't you just get a new one? I remember recommending an amp to you. Is this the new one you got?
My parents' oldest cat had to be put down today. Realistically she should've been put down weeks ago before her condition got as bad as it did, and I made the decision last night to call up a vet and set things up. While I was at work today my dad texted me and said her condition was much worse and she was losing bowel control and convulsing, and when he brought her to the vet they said it was her time. I'm really bummed but am really sad that we let her get to the point where she was in more pain. I was hoping the insulin shots would leave her stable for a while longer but we reached the end of the road. RIP Holly, you had a great 16+ years.
High Plains Drifter
... drifting...
@ BlackMastodon- I know I'm not saying anything groundbreaking but we really do try to do the best we can. Regardless of Holly's last days, she was provided a life of caring and compassion. That's the most important thing and she's in peace now. May solace be with you.
So... Sad and anxious time for me as tomorrow I'll be putting in my 2-wks notice. This is just several days past my 10 year anniversary in the suffocating abyss that is retail. It was a living hell at times... mentally, emotionally, and physically. The things that I witnessed and experienced there in ten years is beyond what I would've ever imagined it could've been before I started. But the company and more directly, this particular store... slowly ate me alive. It fed off of my soul and my strength and over the last several years, left me in physical pain, emotional stress, and mental turmoil. Oh the stories I could share! But as was once written, "the times... they are a changing" and I just couldn't bend any further. It will probably take me the rest of my life to recover from this horrid nightmare and that's no joke. My wife was the one who really put her foot down and insisted that I leave. She knows that the decision was ultimately mine and that it didn't come easy given that I refused to give up two years ago when the store/ management and myself, really began to degrade.
But with all of that... it's a bit scary right now and sad in some ways. I've weighed the pros & cons so many times now that even as a very analytical person, I've finally let go. I have no idea what will happen from here on out but it's quite frightening to now have to rely on her income. I've been smart enough to save and invest throughout my life ( been working since I was 14) so I have a half-decent portfolio/ savings already established but still... I'm understandably a bit uncomfortable about this very drastic change.
The sadness comes into play when I think about those special people that I will be leaving behind. I sincerely do think of them as my family and they're quite sad to see me go ( glad for me but sad to be losing another one of the crew). In reality... the ones that were there 10 years ago, are now retired, have quit, or have died so those that remain are only a handful... but boy oh boy are we close! We're all going to miss each other quite a bit as hugs and tears have already begun. But I have to do this for myself, for my health & sanity, and most importantly... for my wife. I owe it to her to respect her wishes and be the man that she and I both deserve and need me to be.
So yeah... sad yet optimistic... and nervous lol now that the clock is counting down. Wish me luck!
So... Sad and anxious time for me as tomorrow I'll be putting in my 2-wks notice. This is just several days past my 10 year anniversary in the suffocating abyss that is retail. It was a living hell at times... mentally, emotionally, and physically. The things that I witnessed and experienced there in ten years is beyond what I would've ever imagined it could've been before I started. But the company and more directly, this particular store... slowly ate me alive. It fed off of my soul and my strength and over the last several years, left me in physical pain, emotional stress, and mental turmoil. Oh the stories I could share! But as was once written, "the times... they are a changing" and I just couldn't bend any further. It will probably take me the rest of my life to recover from this horrid nightmare and that's no joke. My wife was the one who really put her foot down and insisted that I leave. She knows that the decision was ultimately mine and that it didn't come easy given that I refused to give up two years ago when the store/ management and myself, really began to degrade.
But with all of that... it's a bit scary right now and sad in some ways. I've weighed the pros & cons so many times now that even as a very analytical person, I've finally let go. I have no idea what will happen from here on out but it's quite frightening to now have to rely on her income. I've been smart enough to save and invest throughout my life ( been working since I was 14) so I have a half-decent portfolio/ savings already established but still... I'm understandably a bit uncomfortable about this very drastic change.
The sadness comes into play when I think about those special people that I will be leaving behind. I sincerely do think of them as my family and they're quite sad to see me go ( glad for me but sad to be losing another one of the crew). In reality... the ones that were there 10 years ago, are now retired, have quit, or have died so those that remain are only a handful... but boy oh boy are we close! We're all going to miss each other quite a bit as hugs and tears have already begun. But I have to do this for myself, for my health & sanity, and most importantly... for my wife. I owe it to her to respect her wishes and be the man that she and I both deserve and need me to be.
So yeah... sad yet optimistic... and nervous lol now that the clock is counting down. Wish me luck!
TedEH
Cromulent
Don't be sad about rain- you can either:
- Go outside in the rain and enjoy it cause why not. (It's raining here too today, but I decided I was biking in to work. Rain ain't gonna stop me.)
or
- Use it as your excuse to do the kinds of things that you've put off for a rainy day. Today's that literal rainy day you were waiting for.
- Go outside in the rain and enjoy it cause why not. (It's raining here too today, but I decided I was biking in to work. Rain ain't gonna stop me.)
or
- Use it as your excuse to do the kinds of things that you've put off for a rainy day. Today's that literal rainy day you were waiting for.
