Give up the ghost?

[Mike]

Currently in my life I'm at a very unhappy point musically. I want nothing more than to be part of a band that I'm happy with. Sadly it looks like that's just not happening for me. For the past 3 years now I have been unable to find anyone with either similar tastes, skill level, or personality. Now I'm by no means strict on what material I have to play, a shred god, or egotistical, but where I live, there is no one like the community members here. I live in a college town (I'm not a student) filled with nothing but essentially drifters. Prior to moving here, I was steadily in a band for 5-6 years. I'm getting older (24), getting married, and looking to buy a house soon. Now by no means do I want to give up music altogether (it makes me way too happy). Do you think it's time I stop trying to live the band life dream and start focusing on the american dream?

 

[MetalDestroyer]

My best friend's dad is in his 40s, works as an engineer, and is in a moderately successful local bad (Played at Texas Hippie Coalition's CD release, opened for Five Finger Death Punch) and records all his own music in a very sweet studio in his house. Don't give up on music or being in a band just because you're married and have a job and kids.

 

[Mike]

I'm not 100% there with the house, kids, wife, yet. I feel the road there is more time consuming for lack of a better word, than when you're finally settled. Settling for me seems like quite a few years away. Since my biggest focus is advancing career-wise and affording what's down the road, to me it feels like those things contradict being able to devote my best efforts to a band.

 

[xCaptainx]

I'm 30, married, first kid on the way and due in December. My band is on a decent american label and we just toured america for a month. I've got a fairly corporate job to boot as well. I've jumped from band to band but only just recently joined this latest one 1 1/2, 2 years ago.

Totally understand where you're coming from but don't give up hope. Just network, practise and, if all else fails, raise your profile elsewhere. Go solo and build a following online, it's worked wonders for a lot of musicians.

It's not easy juggling a 'real' job/life with a touring musician life, but it's do-able. Every aspect of my annual leave is dedicated to touring. Geographically, we're insanely isolated so we don't tour too much (which helps me juggle both aspects of my life)

Majority of full time musicans/bands I've toured with have also been subject matter experts in specific fields. Find a career path that offers you flexibility with your hours or on-site requirements. Plenty of musicians are in the building or IT trade, or artistic i.e. tattooists.

 

[The Reverend]

Do it all yourself, man. I'm the same age as you, but nowhere near the stage of life you're entering, so I get some of your feelings. I decided that the whole one-man-band thing was how I was going to proceed with my music since work and school don't leave me time to practice and play shows, much less tour with a band, should it get to that point.

A band isn't the only way to express yourself musically. I like to point to Cloudkicker as my personal inspiration. It's just a guy who records and releases the music he wants to, without any worries as to what genre it is or whether or not his band members will be able to keep up or even like what he brings to the table. He doesn't play live or tour, in fact he doesn't even make public appearances. He just releases his music and that's it. Maybe that's the route you could take?

 

[Idontpersonally]

A band isn't the only way to express yourself musically. I like to point to Cloudkicker as my personal inspiration. It's just a guy who records and releases the music he wants to, without any worries as to what genre it is or whether or not his band members will be able to keep up or even like what he brings to the table. He doesn't play live or tour, in fact he doesn't even make public appearances. He just releases his music and that's it. Maybe that's the route you could take?

This.

 

[abandonist]

Every week there's another one of these threads.

Make music if you want to.

If it's somehow too much, then stop.

 

[craigny]

I can hear where your coming from. It seems that you have the right realistic attitude towards it. I agree that you should never abandon playing if it makes you happy.

I'm a little older now ( ha ha ) but like 25 years ago I was in a similar situation. I was playing drums in a band and we were dead set on making it. When your 19 and able to rehearse 5 days a week with no other responsibilities except for a bs job you can devote the time needed to try and make a go of it. This was before the Internet and any kind of social media so you basically had to hit the pavement play out alot and reach out and send demos to A&R reps from the labels. Who knows somebody that knows somebody who is a close friend of some Vice President at Sony. Ahh....the good ol days. I truly believe we had what it took. We came close with some producers and whatnot but alas it was not to be. Now married with two children I am truly blessed but since starting guitar again a few years back and getting another band together the focus is having fun and making and recording music and playing out with friends. If you can reside to doing that you will feel just as fufilled IMO. I know it's tough finding people to play with that match up all the time. Been there. My advice is keep at it and be realistic about your goals. Who knows the right people see you and you may get there yet. Good luck and KEEP PLAYING!

 

[EcoliUVA]

For the past 3 years now I have been unable to find anyone with either similar tastes, skill level, or personality. [...] I'm getting older (24), getting married, and looking to buy a house soon.

I hear that, bigtime. Sounds similar to my situation, though I'm already married, a few years older, and currently buying a house. From that standpoint, as long as your spouse is awesome (mine is), you'll still have time. For the other point...it's really, really tough to find like-minded band members, especially when your taste in music isn't the norm.

What not to do: I joined a cover band for a while just to play with other people - it was a mistake. I did enjoy it, but it wasn't what I really wanted. Fortunately the drummer and bassist wound up leaving, so I got to get back to writing without being a dick and bailing (like they did, haha). I'm happier doing my own thing than doing covers, and will continue to do so until I can find those like-minded people. I plan to get out to some local shows (still haven't, in nearly a year...first one this Friday) and network. Doesn't seem like a bad plan to advise to you, even though I don't know how successful it will be. Best of luck!

 

[VacantPlanet]

Hey Mike, I'm from Huntington, and it's not much better down here, either. I'm in the same situation as you. I'm 24 and been married for about a year, just graduated in IT and I currently have to drive to and from Charleston everyday for my job. I'm really feeling you man. I'm trying to get a band together as well, but I don't know how well that will turn out. I write some pretty technical stuff, and I don't know the guys I'm playing with can keep up. I'm debating giving up as well, but we just have to hang onto it man. But if it turns out that I have to go the Cloudkicker route, that's still better than nothing. At least we'll get to express ourselves and others will be able to hear it. Good luck!

 

[Metal-Box]

I'm 30, married, first kid on the way and due in December. My band is on a decent american label and we just toured america for a month.

Do you play for Saving Grace?

 

[Opion]

Never stop pursuing your dreams man. I've been playing for 10 years, only had 1 serious DM band that had huge potential but fizzled out because we were young. Until I discovered Bulb and started recording my own music I had been flying solo, and it really does suck, man. Nobody to bounce your ideas off of can be difficult since being in a band strengthens your creative muscles a ton.

I'd say don't give up hope, obviously you're gonna have to be a part of the system eventually what with being an adult just keep stoking the flames of your creativity, being in a band doesn't necessarily mean you can't come up with some interesting stuff or form a unique creative outlet/musical project. Best of luck to your endeavors man, it's a lonely road out there

 

[xCaptainx]

Do you play for Saving Grace?

I do indeed! We're all on the other side of 25+ and slowly approaching 'dad metal' status

 

[jordanky]

Off topic but I came into this thread hoping someone was talking about the band Give Up The Ghost. They were so awesome!

 

[Mike]

I do indeed! We're all on the other side of 25+ and slowly approaching 'dad metal' status

Dad metal for FTW lol, but thanks guys I really appreciate all the feedback/advice. I think I will start focusing on just trying to put some solo stuff out there and see what comes of it.