works0fheart
Tike Myson
So I'm about to buy a piece of gear and just have a few questions since a lot of people here seem to go through gear pretty quickly this seems a good place to ask.
So yeah, what do you guys think? Would you buy it?
Alright, so, I'm looking at a guitar. The thing is, I've heard that tone wood does make a huge difference, especially if you're tuning your guitar in C# Standard at 420Hz. Obviously I wanna be more in tune with the earth and my inner chi, ya know? I'd also hate for the Illuminati to think I'm looking to join them by tuning to standard 440Hz, and let's be real here, none of us wanted to be associated with storming the white house. Anyways, back to the point: Today I was sweeping a bit and realized it sounded pretty good. After doing a bit of researching on this broom I've had laying around forever, I learned it's an exotic wood called Ramin wood. I bumped it into the counter while getting some dog hair up off the floor and the sustain was insane! I felt it all the way up to my elbow! So now I'm thinking that guitars made of authentic North African roasted birds eye barbacoa (bad experiences so far with South, and with West, well let's just say I'm not a fan of kaleidoscopes, ya know what I mean?) maybe aren't all they're cracked up to be, so I'm debating selling off all of my PRS's. To test this out though, I rigged my broom with a single bass string and an EMG and gave it a try to see how it felt. I've gotta say, it became pretty fucking annoying to try to clean the floors with after that but I quickly discovered the absolute technical prowess of bands like Emmure and my appreciation for those dudes has skyrocketed. The tone was pretty insane and I think I accidentally played a Meshuggah lick or too with my palm when I made it into the kitchen finally. Gotta say I would have never foreseen an epiphany happening on a Sunday morning without my good old buddy JC guiding me through Church service. I unfortunately didn't make it in this morning to pray my sins away (I can feel the rise of misogynistic beliefs within me from listening to Disgorge the previous day) but I at least picked up my instrument with a new outlook on life and my spiritual mantra in general had improved. All of this made me realize that 6, 7, 8, 9 and 11 string guitars weren't the way to salvation after all (10 strings are okay but it's a nice even number and also the 1 and 0 represent binary which is the language of the universe that represents the duality of man), and maybe a single string is all I actually need. You don't need more strings to be brutal, just more gear, and if there's anything I've learned from Church, the more money I throw away the closer I am to God (not traditional God, but the one true actual God of the Universe and that only speaks to me when I'm tripping on DMT).
So after careful observation and plenty of research from the helpful folks of the internet I've used some deductive reasoning here. The answer has always been right in front of our eyes the whole time. So there are two ideas at work here, right? The guitar tone comes from the wood. You guessed it! Pale moon ebony floating tremolos with a stack of legos for a tone block (super customizable, just need wood legos). However, I have also seen these videos of people putting a Bareknuckle pickup on a 2x4 and it sounding great as well. So what's the answer you ask? Well, if the broom is any indication, I think the first logical conclusion to come to is to combine these things. You have to combine the minimal genius of the broom with the intricacy of the true temperament scalloped fretboard with lightweight lace alumitone pickups (or do we like fishman now? I need someone to clarify for me asap). Minimal thinking has to meet complex thinking somewhere in the middle is the point I'm making and I've finally reached the best idea possible.
Alright, so keep up with me here, okay? Guitarists have fought about this stuff for years. I've always heard of stuff not sounding not sounding natural enough and this statement has always confused me. How does wood not sound natural enough? So then I figured it out after a bit more research. The closer we are to earth and our natural, original state, the better things sound. So here's what we do. Here's a picture to give you an idea. COPYRIGHT PATENT PENDING
https://imgur.com/uyNwLYj
We find a tree (tonewood doesn't matter, just where it's made. If it's not grown in Lithuania you can't trust the quality control throughout the super important nurturing stages of the tree. I've seen their tree factories and when I say they're not sending their best people, they're not sending their best people, so we need a wall, extended range, headless, with stainless steel barbed wire). From there you only really have one choice of pickups, let's be real here. We need a triple coil pickup with a middle blade pickup. You're getting the best of the HSH configuration in one pickup. You mount the pickup and the Floyd Rose to the base of the tree and run the strings up the trunk and into the tree. You're getting the best of both worlds with this situation as well because technically the tree is headless but it also has enough branches to provide sustain for days! More importantly you need to coat the entire tree in Arium and resin because it's super lightweight. Make sure the tree has a hole of some sort in the trunk to run the strings over for better resonation. If you need an extended range you just pick a taller tree. More strings? No problem, you can run them in a perfect 360 around the tree.
The only problem with my idea is I don't know if I can trust Guitar Center to ship it to me without any issues? Have any of you ever had to go through them before, would you recommend them? I've heard they're kind of niche so idk much about them, but if I'm going to pay my Masterbuilder's to fly out from Detroit to build this thing I don't want it shipped via a shipping pallette or something from Somalia. I won't accept anything less than an airdrop from a helicopter actually so I don't even know why I even have to say this when it should be obvious in 2022.
Anyways, so I'm sure a lot of you are really curious as to how this will sound. So in good news, I'm going to put up tracks of it when I receive it. I'm going to be recording through my axe-fx slaved to my roland JC-120 running through my pedalboard! I've got a decent amount of pedals though so I hope they're all true bypass but it should be fine, plus I made sure to swap tubes into each one, but only EL34 because you never can trust a man until you've laid with him, but that leads me to my next idea. Recording quality is often to compressed now days and I honestly don't care for being oppressed by societal norms (bathing is a social construct meant to enslave us, but more on that another time) so I'm actually going to record this the way our ancestors intended: I'm actually going to play this in the forests surrounding Portland LIVE on April 20th, 2022 and "record" it then. The sustain and resonance of the guitar will be so strong that my notes will be encoded on the wind and rivers (let's be real, this is all a simulation) and from there it will be carried to you via the oxygen you breathe and the water you drink. The next time you open a bottle of spring water you'll be inadvertently listening to my new single so please make sure to follow me on bandcamp! Like, comment, and subscribe. Also consider buying the NFT for the concept art for my new instrument! We'll be launching a new line at the beginning of April as well, please consider donating to my Patreon and Kickstarter to have my wilderness studio built so I can finish recording TIME VI (Jari stole it from me. That's for another thread).
So after careful observation and plenty of research from the helpful folks of the internet I've used some deductive reasoning here. The answer has always been right in front of our eyes the whole time. So there are two ideas at work here, right? The guitar tone comes from the wood. You guessed it! Pale moon ebony floating tremolos with a stack of legos for a tone block (super customizable, just need wood legos). However, I have also seen these videos of people putting a Bareknuckle pickup on a 2x4 and it sounding great as well. So what's the answer you ask? Well, if the broom is any indication, I think the first logical conclusion to come to is to combine these things. You have to combine the minimal genius of the broom with the intricacy of the true temperament scalloped fretboard with lightweight lace alumitone pickups (or do we like fishman now? I need someone to clarify for me asap). Minimal thinking has to meet complex thinking somewhere in the middle is the point I'm making and I've finally reached the best idea possible.
Alright, so keep up with me here, okay? Guitarists have fought about this stuff for years. I've always heard of stuff not sounding not sounding natural enough and this statement has always confused me. How does wood not sound natural enough? So then I figured it out after a bit more research. The closer we are to earth and our natural, original state, the better things sound. So here's what we do. Here's a picture to give you an idea. COPYRIGHT PATENT PENDING
https://imgur.com/uyNwLYj
We find a tree (tonewood doesn't matter, just where it's made. If it's not grown in Lithuania you can't trust the quality control throughout the super important nurturing stages of the tree. I've seen their tree factories and when I say they're not sending their best people, they're not sending their best people, so we need a wall, extended range, headless, with stainless steel barbed wire). From there you only really have one choice of pickups, let's be real here. We need a triple coil pickup with a middle blade pickup. You're getting the best of the HSH configuration in one pickup. You mount the pickup and the Floyd Rose to the base of the tree and run the strings up the trunk and into the tree. You're getting the best of both worlds with this situation as well because technically the tree is headless but it also has enough branches to provide sustain for days! More importantly you need to coat the entire tree in Arium and resin because it's super lightweight. Make sure the tree has a hole of some sort in the trunk to run the strings over for better resonation. If you need an extended range you just pick a taller tree. More strings? No problem, you can run them in a perfect 360 around the tree.
The only problem with my idea is I don't know if I can trust Guitar Center to ship it to me without any issues? Have any of you ever had to go through them before, would you recommend them? I've heard they're kind of niche so idk much about them, but if I'm going to pay my Masterbuilder's to fly out from Detroit to build this thing I don't want it shipped via a shipping pallette or something from Somalia. I won't accept anything less than an airdrop from a helicopter actually so I don't even know why I even have to say this when it should be obvious in 2022.
Anyways, so I'm sure a lot of you are really curious as to how this will sound. So in good news, I'm going to put up tracks of it when I receive it. I'm going to be recording through my axe-fx slaved to my roland JC-120 running through my pedalboard! I've got a decent amount of pedals though so I hope they're all true bypass but it should be fine, plus I made sure to swap tubes into each one, but only EL34 because you never can trust a man until you've laid with him, but that leads me to my next idea. Recording quality is often to compressed now days and I honestly don't care for being oppressed by societal norms (bathing is a social construct meant to enslave us, but more on that another time) so I'm actually going to record this the way our ancestors intended: I'm actually going to play this in the forests surrounding Portland LIVE on April 20th, 2022 and "record" it then. The sustain and resonance of the guitar will be so strong that my notes will be encoded on the wind and rivers (let's be real, this is all a simulation) and from there it will be carried to you via the oxygen you breathe and the water you drink. The next time you open a bottle of spring water you'll be inadvertently listening to my new single so please make sure to follow me on bandcamp! Like, comment, and subscribe. Also consider buying the NFT for the concept art for my new instrument! We'll be launching a new line at the beginning of April as well, please consider donating to my Patreon and Kickstarter to have my wilderness studio built so I can finish recording TIME VI (Jari stole it from me. That's for another thread).
So yeah, what do you guys think? Would you buy it?
