Data Cattle?

[slim231990]

Just got done talking to a good friend of mine and he was telling me how much he misses playing guitar and how he wishes he had more time to play. Since I know for a fact he's addicted to social media (mostly FB) I asked him how much time he spends on his phone roughly in a day. He proceeds to tell me that he's gotten better and last week his device told him he clocked in 33hrs. WTF? Did some quick math and that equals out to be roughly 66 days a year straight. 66 fucking days man! Don't get me wrong I'm on my pc typing this out right now and that's screen time, but man....wasting over 2 months of your life yearly looking at memes and cat videos.

I'm not trying to judge, I'm really not. As a 90s child (34yo), I myself am addicted to tech. I try to keep my screen time informative and reserved for occasions like toilet time lmao. I checked my device and I roughly clock in at 15hrs a week = roughly a month yearly and that's mostly texting my wife while she's at work.

As someone who's sat by and watched my family and friends get sucked into the predatory social media drug, I'm gonna try to limit my screen time personally. I don't even have a FB bc of how nasty it's gotten over the last decade, but I'm gonna squeeze some more "ME" time outa that 15hrs.

If you're reading this please take a little time to check your digital screen time and maybe think about changing also. Like I said no judgement here. I'm just sickened and saddened by my friends and family becoming fucking data cattle and their hobbies and friend/family time get eaten away buy having to see the most recent post on social fucking media is.

Feel free to rant and share your experience and distaste on the subject so I don't feel like I'm not the only one who feels like they are slowly losing people to a digital addiction.

And yea....... DATA CATTLE..... that's a pretty fucking cool band name tho eh?

 

[budda]

Mine is too damn high. Goes up when im annoyed or on a fixation (usually gear research). I dont use reddit or discord for this reason.

 

[odibrom]

I'm getting tired of social media (getting old?), but it's still a way to get info that I couldn't get as fast in other ways. I'm trying to like Instagram, but it hasn't click any button so far. This forum and Facebook is where I waste my time... but this forum isn't time wasting is it?

It's frightening the way things are, but it's also important to be conscious about it.

However, that kind of math also says you can buy a Lambo in 2 or 3 years if...?

 

[budda]

I’d love to delete instagram if it wasnt fb messenger 2.0 for me

 

[SalsaWood]

The industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

 

[High Plains Drifter]

Early last year my wife decided to do the IG thing and then a couple weeks later, set up an etsy store. Prior to that we had a good deal of communication and a connection that was hindered by very little. But in this past year I've had multiple discussions with her about her phone usage. Every time that I turn around, her head is buried in her phone and it just fucking sucks. We used to go to bed together, talk more, eat meals together... none of that now or rarely at the least.

And no matter how or what I say to her ( and I'm a very good listener and communicator... rational, sympathetic, etc) she either just doesn't get it or after seemingly understanding where I'm coming from, goes right back to the habit of burying herself into her phone. I don't wonder that she's having an affair or anything like that, as she's very transparent about what she's doing and I just don't see any red flags there. But her phone just consumes SO much of her time outside of work... texting friends, memes, her insta, her etsy acct, etc.

I've gotten to the point that I don't even share with her or communicate with her much because of this. I just get so fucking tired of wanting to share something with her, or go out to lunch, or whatever... and having to wait until she's available. Last night I was wanting to talk about some landscaping ideas I had ( specifically about the flowerbeds that she used to be passionate about) and after almost 4 fucking hours of her being consumed by her screen, I was like fuck it... I'm going to bed.

It's sincerely had a negative impact on our relationship at this point and I feel completely helpless. She either acts like she gets it ( doesn't last) or she becomes defensive, or comes back with some kind of utter bullshit about me being on the computer. And I say that's bs because I'm actually on the computer very little and very sporadically, and also because I have always... anytime that she has wanted to interact or talk or go somewhere... "boom"... I'm off. It's absolutely no big deal for me to log out of something as long as I'm not corresponding with someone, and even then.. just give me five minutes then I'm all yours. Lotta times also, I'm just on the computer killing time... either waiting to interact with her or just because our PC is in the living room where she spends most her time these days... so it's like even though you're consumed by your phone, at least we are kiiiinda hanging out together.

Fucking sucks and reading OP's words was like staring right into my own situation. I dunno when or if it'll ever change.

 

[crushingpetal]

Early last year my wife decided to do the IG thing and then a couple weeks later, set up an etsy store. Prior to that we had a good deal of communication and a connection that was hindered by very little. But in this past year I've had multiple discussions with her about her phone usage. Every time that I turn around, her head is buried in her phone and it just fucking sucks. We used to go to bed together, talk more, eat meals together... none of that now or rarely at the least.

And no matter how or what I say to her ( and I'm a very good listener and communicator... rational, sympathetic, etc) she either just doesn't get it or after seemingly understanding where I'm coming from, goes right back to the habit of burying herself into her phone. I don't wonder that she's having an affair or anything like that, as she's very transparent about what she's doing and I just don't see any red flags there. But her phone just consumes SO much of her time outside of work... texting friends, memes, her insta, her etsy acct, etc.

I've gotten to the point that I don't even share with her or communicate with her much because of this. I just get so fucking tired of wanting to share something with her, or go out to lunch, or whatever... and having to wait until she's available. Last night I was wanting to talk about some landscaping ideas I had ( specifically about the flowerbeds that she used to be passionate about) and after almost 4 fucking hours of her being consumed by her screen, I was like fuck it... I'm going to bed.

It's sincerely had a negative impact on our relationship at this point and I feel completely helpless. She either acts like she gets it ( doesn't last) or she becomes defensive, or comes back with some kind of utter bullshit about me being on the computer. And I say that's bs because I'm actually on the computer very little and very sporadically, and also because I have always... anytime that she has wanted to interact or talk or go somewhere... "boom"... I'm off. It's absolutely no big deal for me to log out of something as long as I'm not corresponding with someone, and even then.. just give me five minutes then I'm all yours. Lotta times also, I'm just on the computer killing time... either waiting to interact with her or just because our PC is in the living room where she spends most her time these days... so it's like even though you're consumed by your phone, at least we are kiiiinda hanging out together.

Fucking sucks and reading OP's words was like staring right into my own situation. I dunno when or if it'll ever change.

So sorry to hear this. I have a family member that I purposely don't ask certain questions or bring up certain topics because they'll just go straight to their phone to look.

 

[High Plains Drifter]

So sorry to hear this. I have a family member that I purposely don't ask certain questions or bring up certain topics because they'll just go straight to their phone to look.

Thanks, man.

It's not like we don't have a fairly good and positive relationship outside of this deal. But I guess it bothers me more that she can't see ( or won't exactly admit to) it being a problem. She's accepted some accountability and empathy in regards to where I'm coming from on this but it just doesn't last or change much.

Some of it might go back to her childhood... raised in a very anti-nurturing and negative environment so she resorted to ear-buds and video games to pass the time or to shelter herself. But idk... I'm very much a patient and understanding dude... always have been devoted to her as well as accommodating of our differences and very chill about things. I sincerely feel that I'm a good ( maybe great?) husband in just about every regard... besides that I'm ugly lol.

Her shutting me out ( consciously or not) isn't a result of anything I'm doing, I'm sure. But it worries me that our connection and our existence together just isn't a priority of hers atm. We've talked many times on this in the past year and in many different contexts/ perspectives and she def isn't looking to get out of this relationship... I'm positive of that. But I dunno... just sucks that she's so disconnected so much of the time. And on top of all this, I hate to say it but I'm beginning to resent her more and that concerns me because resentment can be very deep-rooting and bleed over into other dynamics of a relationship.

I've gone on too much about this, as I don't want to further hijack OP's thread... sorry although does feel therepeutic to vent a little. Never intended to post about this thing anyway.

 

[slim231990]

Early last year my wife decided to do the IG thing and then a couple weeks later, set up an etsy store. Prior to that we had a good deal of communication and a connection that was hindered by very little. But in this past year I've had multiple discussions with her about her phone usage. Every time that I turn around, her head is buried in her phone and it just fucking sucks. We used to go to bed together, talk more, eat meals together... none of that now or rarely at the least.

And no matter how or what I say to her ( and I'm a very good listener and communicator... rational, sympathetic, etc) she either just doesn't get it or after seemingly understanding where I'm coming from, goes right back to the habit of burying herself into her phone. I don't wonder that she's having an affair or anything like that, as she's very transparent about what she's doing and I just don't see any red flags there. But her phone just consumes SO much of her time outside of work... texting friends, memes, her insta, her etsy acct, etc.

I've gotten to the point that I don't even share with her or communicate with her much because of this. I just get so fucking tired of wanting to share something with her, or go out to lunch, or whatever... and having to wait until she's available. Last night I was wanting to talk about some landscaping ideas I had ( specifically about the flowerbeds that she used to be passionate about) and after almost 4 fucking hours of her being consumed by her screen, I was like fuck it... I'm going to bed.

It's sincerely had a negative impact on our relationship at this point and I feel completely helpless. She either acts like she gets it ( doesn't last) or she becomes defensive, or comes back with some kind of utter bullshit about me being on the computer. And I say that's bs because I'm actually on the computer very little and very sporadically, and also because I have always... anytime that she has wanted to interact or talk or go somewhere... "boom"... I'm off. It's absolutely no big deal for me to log out of something as long as I'm not corresponding with someone, and even then.. just give me five minutes then I'm all yours. Lotta times also, I'm just on the computer killing time... either waiting to interact with her or just because our PC is in the living room where she spends most her time these days... so it's like even though you're consumed by your phone, at least we are kiiiinda hanging out together.

Fucking sucks and reading OP's words was like staring right into my own situation. I dunno when or if it'll ever change.

I'm sorry to hear this broski, but I totally feel ya. Hopefully she sees the light and makes some changes. Just enjoy and cherish your spare time, I find this is the best way to bring people around. I used to have friends to hang with and jam out/ just shoot the shit with, but now they would all rather sit at home alone and see what people are doing on FB. I'ts so bad that some of my friends won't even do something if it's not documented on social media and they are tagged. I'ts like a mentality of "if I cant show this to all my "imaginary friends" it's not worth dong." Appreciate you sharing, and while I don't know you on a personal level stories like this make me feel like I'm not alone.

 

[slim231990]

Thanks, man.

It's not like we don't have a fairly good and positive relationship outside of this deal. But I guess it bothers me more that she can't see ( or won't exactly admit to) it being a problem. She's accepted some accountability and empathy in regards to where I'm coming from on this but it just doesn't last or change much.

Some of it might go back to her childhood... raised in a very anti-nurturing and negative environment so she resorted to ear-buds and video games to pass the time or to shelter herself. But idk... I'm very much a patient and understanding dude... always have been devoted to her as well as accommodating of our differences and very chill about things. I sincerely feel that I'm a good ( maybe great?) husband in just about every regard... besides that I'm ugly lol.

Her shutting me out ( consciously or not) isn't a result of anything I'm doing, I'm sure. But it worries me that our connection and our existence together just isn't a priority of hers atm. We've talked many times on this in the past year and in many different contexts/ perspectives and she def isn't looking to get out of this relationship... I'm positive of that. But I dunno... just sucks that she's so disconnected so much of the time. And on top of all this, I hate to say it but I'm beginning to resent her more and that concerns me because resentment can be very deep-rooting and bleed over into other dynamics of a relationship.

I've gone on too much about this, as I don't want to further hijack OP's thread... sorry although does feel therepeutic to vent a little. Never intended to post about this thing anyway.

This is exactly why I made this thread, you're not hijacking anything man.

 

[Moongrum]

Dystopia has a song called ctrl all delete that's about internet addiction that's pretty funny, although dated, it came out in 2008.
That said, I guess I'm addicted to the internet, but I don't really have anything else better to do so I'm content

The industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

I don't know anything about Ted's manifesto other than this quote. Is it actually of substance?

 

[wheresthefbomb]

This hits real close.

Once I quit drinking alcohol and had to start confronting the fact that the problem wasn't the alcohol, but that it was within me, I started to realize that there were all sorts of other things that I used in the same way for escapism and quick dopamine. I've since quit social media, video games, and most recently smoking weed. I feel so much better and more human. Social media specifically is so obviously engineered to play on those weaknesses, and teach us new neuroses. The breaking point for me was read receipts on Facebook, I got so fucked up and anxious compulsively checking for read receipts and then wondering why they hadn't responded if they'd read it, ugh. Even this website is a little dangerous for me, but it isn't intentionally designed to sink in the hooks the way socials are.

I did Insta for a little bit, and it is really frustrating trying to have a local presence as an artist with no socials, but it's just so much better for my mental health. I would catch myself having these really ugly thoughts, resenting other people's success and opportunities because I wasn't getting the same thing in that exact moment.

Trying to do a casual band thing with my buddy right now, but it's frustrating to watch him progress so much more slowly than he's capable of, knowing that he's spending his evenings just zonked out video gaming, and most spare moments aside scrolling his phone. He'll commit to regular practice but I know he isn't taking any of my advice for how to progress in the meantime. At one point I had to tell him, politely but firmly, "I love you but I do not give a fuck about TikTok, please do not show me any more videos."

I also have a dear friend who is very intelligent and creative, she's also bipolar and gets super obsessive about new tech stuff. Whenever I try to share something with her, she will feed it to ChatGPT or whatever and send me the AI response. She outsources so much of her critical/creative thinking to AI. It makes me really sad.

Early last year my wife decided to do the IG thing and then a couple weeks later, set up an etsy store. Prior to that we had a good deal of communication and a connection that was hindered by very little. But in this past year I've had multiple discussions with her about her phone usage. Every time that I turn around, her head is buried in her phone and it just fucking sucks. We used to go to bed together, talk more, eat meals together... none of that now or rarely at the least.

And no matter how or what I say to her ( and I'm a very good listener and communicator... rational, sympathetic, etc) she either just doesn't get it or after seemingly understanding where I'm coming from, goes right back to the habit of burying herself into her phone. I don't wonder that she's having an affair or anything like that, as she's very transparent about what she's doing and I just don't see any red flags there. But her phone just consumes SO much of her time outside of work... texting friends, memes, her insta, her etsy acct, etc.

I've gotten to the point that I don't even share with her or communicate with her much because of this. I just get so fucking tired of wanting to share something with her, or go out to lunch, or whatever... and having to wait until she's available. Last night I was wanting to talk about some landscaping ideas I had ( specifically about the flowerbeds that she used to be passionate about) and after almost 4 fucking hours of her being consumed by her screen, I was like fuck it... I'm going to bed.

It's sincerely had a negative impact on our relationship at this point and I feel completely helpless. She either acts like she gets it ( doesn't last) or she becomes defensive, or comes back with some kind of utter bullshit about me being on the computer. And I say that's bs because I'm actually on the computer very little and very sporadically, and also because I have always... anytime that she has wanted to interact or talk or go somewhere... "boom"... I'm off. It's absolutely no big deal for me to log out of something as long as I'm not corresponding with someone, and even then.. just give me five minutes then I'm all yours. Lotta times also, I'm just on the computer killing time... either waiting to interact with her or just because our PC is in the living room where she spends most her time these days... so it's like even though you're consumed by your phone, at least we are kiiiinda hanging out together.

Fucking sucks and reading OP's words was like staring right into my own situation. I dunno when or if it'll ever change.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I had a string of partners who were super into their phones and I started to feel like I was the asshole for a while for feeling disrespected/neglected when the other person would be on their phone instead of engaging with me. I've also been that partner, spend so much of my 20s absolutely addicted to WoW and was married the whole time (how? don't ask cause I don't know lol), so I get it, but also, we all deserve better.

I hope y'all are able to work it out, and I hope for your partner's sake she's able to find more healthy coping skills.

 

[budda]

Oh yeah, social media is engineered to keep you scrolling. They dont care if you click (though that is better) they just need you to see it.

Its wild.

 

[odibrom]

@High Plains Drifter - that is sad to read. I don't really know what to say besides to be patient and endure. Maybe try to schedule things to do together that are mandatory, like those you spoke of, but instead of having them spontaneous have them set in the calendar,so it gets recorded if things don't happen? That way you can count and account them to make your point?

The industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

I wouldn't go that far and I get your point. Our civilization tech progress has grown exponentially but our emotional / emphatic growth hasn't followed. Not everything has been a disaster, at least not the electric guitar...

@budda if it's free, you're the product...

...........................
EDIT - some small corrections for better phrasing of ideas...
EDIT2 - @slim231990 instead of hitting the Reply button, press the + Quote and then on the text box at the end of the page click the Insert Quotes button... this will allow you to do Multi Quotes per post...

 

[wheresthefbomb]

I realized a few weeks ago that in 20 years of playing guitar I'm probably just getting close to cracking that "10,000 hours" metric. Conversely, I crushed 10k+ hours of WoW by my late 20s. Makes me wonder how much better the band (or, y'know, the marriage) I was in during that time could've been if I were more focused. There's no way to get that time back, I just keep telling myself all I can do is use my time more wisely now.

Speaking of, I'ma go do some shit.

 

[jaxadam]

Makes me wonder how much better the band (or, y'know, the marriage) I was in during that time could've been if I were more focused. There's no way to get that time back

I am a walking encyclopedia of lifestyle advice, and one thing I say on this subject is to never look back and regret what you did with your time in the past. The person you were made those decisions predicated upon the amount of knowledge you had at the time, and your subconscious risk/reward program computed the path you followed. You don’t need that time back.

But you are already at Chapter 2 by knowing that you can use your time more wisely now, which is predicated upon the knowledge you have and your current subconscious risk/reward path.

 

[SalsaWood]

Is it actually of substance?

Meh. I enjoyed it. I think it's insightful, but not groundbreaking. He could have been a great writer if not for running out of prose- I mean the terrorism, because of the terrorism. He got caught plagiarizing himself because of that, though. Not a freedom and justice for all kind of guy and that's not even considering how obviously unreasonable he was, but it was a good read if taken on its own.

 

[slim231990]

Once again I know I'm typing on a PC right now and it's a form of digital addiction , but I've learned so much from this forum and I feel like it enhances my life for the most part. I guess my biggest problem is when people just get hooked on the endless scroll. My buddy who inspired this whole rant is one of those people who just scroll FB non stop. The few times I've hung out with him these last 5 years or so he is just balls deep in his phone screen with his thumb constantly scrolling. And I feel like we're all guilty of this at some point whether it's FB, Insta, or even youtube. One minute your watching a informative "good video" next thing you know you've gone down the rabbit hole and wasted 30 minutes watching animal videos lmao. I also know things like FB can be very informative and useful if used correctly, but we all know most people are just hooked on the fucking scroll hoping to see a new post, meme, or picture that was not worth the time or energy. And sometimes you need that cute funny cat video after a bad day or if your depressed don't get me wrong. It's just sad when people spend so much time on something that doesn't give anything of value in return.

This may sound like a boomer statement, buy I'm SF thankful to have grown up without social media and having to confront my old friend BOREDOM. I feel like people are so bombarded with entertainment from all directions that it's really hard to find yourself in a sea of constant distraction especially the younger generations. One day I was at a friends house and we were bored after playing basketball. My buddy had a acoustic guitar in the corner and I picked it up and he taught me a few nirvana songs and bam..... a lifelong obsession was found. I found my calling, my religion. Nowadays if kids are even together at all lmao as soon as someone gets bored the phones come out and time is wasted. They could be using their phones for many positive things, but it's mostly "hey man look at this stupid tickok vid I wasted 30min of my life to find" and then off to the next one. This is what truely saddens me.

Anyways....thanks for letting a ole 90s kid rant, it's much cheaper than a therapist.

 

[TedEH]

I don't know that I'm convinced that screen time in itself is really the problem - at least for me, despite getting a ton of it. I suppose the two questions worth asking are - is it harming anything? And what else would you be doing?

For me, when I think about those things, it's not the screen time that is the harmful, so much as what I might be doing with that screen time. For a while I tried to keep up with "the world" on all the social things - I had twitter, I had reddit, I had facebook going, and I did the standard thing of constantly mindlessly scrolling. But it wasn't the screen time that got me, it was the content. It was a constant doom feed. I felt like garbage because so much of it was designed to rile me up, provoke "engagement". Spending all day with rage bait, thirst traps, pick-me content, regurgitated bad jokes and bad takes, constant bringing to light the worst in people, the insurmountable an inescapable hoards of people desperately trying to be internet famous - that firehose of doom is just too much. I deleted all of those things and cut them entirely for a while. It's like having a weight lifted from you. I eventually ended up back to reddit, just to have something to poke at occasionally, and I reinstalled facebook just for band management stuff, but I don't spend time doom scrolling anymore.

On the other hand I play a lot of video games. I make the joke that because it was my job for a long time, it's sort of "justified", but obviously it doesn't work that way, and I know that. I actually don't play games to the extent that I know a lot of people do (trust me, I've seen the other side of some of the numbers of whale-driven games and sweet jebus does it feel evil having gone there) - but I certainly play enough that some would call be a Capital G Gamer (even though I don't like to). So then the two questions. What does it harm? Honestly, I don't think it's harming me at all, and that's because of the answer to the second question: What else would I be doing? I honestly don't know. I've spent times before where I would refrain from playing games for a while, to prove a point or something, or sometimes I just don't feel like it - and in those times I just get bored. Sometimes kinda aimless, because that was often time that didn't otherwise have a purpose. I fill the same time with something equally useless. Watching a movie isn't "better spent" than playing a game. And I'm not gaming so often as to stop me from being able to function in other areas in my life. I've got a job, a social life, several bands, some personal projects, etc. - it just happens that my entertainment of choice is video games, in the same way that someone might unwind at the end of the day by watching an hour or two of TV.

I actually think that video games are "good for me" in a way - in a sort of theraputic way. There are certain awful moods I can find myself in that can be broken by the kinds of engagement games can provide. When the answer to "what else would I be doing" is something more harmful - brooding about something, getting upset about something, playing out dumb arguments in my head, wondering what I'm supposed to be doing with myself, etc. There's a certain amount of distraction from those things that can be helpful. in moderation. Like anything else.

BUT - I also acknowledge that it's easy to dive into games when I just don't want to deal with something. I used to do that when I was younger and not self-aware enough to recognize I was doing it. I spend a couple of years living with someone I wasn't very compatible with, and I'd just spend my time playing games instead of dealing with it. I like to think I know better at this point.

Anyway.... not sure where I'm going with this anymore.

 

[Briz]

Delete social media. Talk to people. Reconnect with the world. It's worth it.