Decrease work stress and anxiety?

[vejichan]

What are things you do to decrease stress and anxiety?

Here is what i do
- excercise
- read a book
- talk to a friend

I would put drinking on this list but i quit 3 years ago and playing guitar actually gives me stress because i suck so bad on guitar.

 

[cindarkness]

I have no friends to talk to so I drink and read sevenstring.org to keep me sane

 

[Aewrik]

What are things you do to decrease stress and anxiety?

You don't need things to take your mind off work. Give your employer one chance to improve whatever is causing your job to suck and then find a new job. No job is worth killing yourself over. Unless you're in an extremely narrow field, there is always a better opportunity, with regards to both pay and working environment.

 

[jaxadam]

@vejichan I am going to tell you the secret, because I have this figured out. Don't repeat it because it is going to be the crux of my next best-seller.

I was drunk as shit at this girl's house I was dating and I walked into the kitchen and on the fridge there was a magnet that said "Happiness is having something to look forward to". I stared at that shit for like an hour.

I realized there were short term "looking forward to" and long term "looking forward to" items that I could categorize in my life. I found that by taking my day and breaking it into short term "looking forward to" goals it made my day better. I would take my week or month and distribute my "looking forward to" goals as well.

For instance, I like to eat, exercise, read, and drink Monsters. When I wake up, I look forward to coffee. Then I look forward to breakfast. Then I look forward to my mid-morning snack. Then I look forward to lunch. Then I look forward to my mid-afternoon Monster/pre-workout/whatever. Then I look forward to my post-workout shake. Then I look forward to dinner. Then I look forward to my pre-bed casein & peanut butter protein shake. Then I look forward to reading and going to bed.

For long term "looking forward to" items I have found that it's best to space them out and not crowd them. For example, try not to pile a bunch of stuff together (concerts, dinners, donating blood, overseas travel, Mars expeditions, heat death of the Universe, etc.) on the same day or week. I look forward to taking my kids to Tae Kwon Do on Monday nights. Then I look forward to football practice Tuesday nights. Then I look forward to family night Wednesday nights. Then I look forward to football practice again on Thursday nights. Then I look forward to Tae Kwon Do/dinner with friends Friday nights. Then I look forward to games on Saturdays. Then I look forward to tennis Sunday mornings.

That is basically chapter 2 and 3 of my upcoming best-seller. Chapter 4 deals with paying for all of this stuff and it heavily involves crypto. Chapter 5 discusses why crypto is such a bad idea.

 

[jaxadam]

Short term: read and reply to veji threads

Ultra ultra long term: read veji replies

 

[bostjan]

You stressing about stressing now? That's just stress-ception. Don't go down that path. It's a path of no return. Once you stress out about being stressed out, when you remove the source of the original stress, the stress still stays. I know that saying "don't stress" on its own does zero good. But @jaxadam is totally right. Just do things you enjoy doing. What's the point of doing things that cause you stress or giving people who stress you out the power over your life?

And we all suck at guitar. The big difference is that people like Misha/Bulb just have lots of fun doing it. If you want to not appear to suck, just suck consistently and confidently and no one will know the difference. One day maybe you'll get two people to argue about whether or not you suck. That's when you know you've "made it."

 

[Emperoff]

I read the thread title on "latest posts" and I knew VejichatGPT was at it again

 

[jaxadam]

I once visited this Indian reservation and there was a tent with an ancient medicine man. We were only allowed to go in and ask one question. I walked in and asked him what is the secret to happiness. He just sat for a few long minutes and I didn’t think he even heard me, so I cleared my throat and as I was about to ask again his eyes popped open and he said:

Spoiler

Just have fun with it

 

[MFB]

I once visited this Indian reservation and there was a tent with an ancient medicine man.

I tuned out after this because all I could think of after this was:

 

[Emperoff]

I once visited this Indian reservation and there was a tent with an ancient medicine man. We were only allowed to go in and ask one question. I walked in and asked him what is the secret to happiness. He just sat for a few long minutes and I didn’t think he even heard me, so I cleared my throat and as I was about to ask again his eyes popped open and he said:

Spoiler

Just have fun with it

Thank you, come back!

Oh wait, maybe not that kind of indian...

PS: Just realized 9/20 threads on the page are from Veji. Holy shit!

 

[MFB]

PS: Just realized 9/20 threads on the page are from Veji. Holy shit!

Yeah man, it's like a running joke at this point of "how do I change _______" and then everyone would give advice which goes unheard, and then another thread asking almost the exact same thing

 

[wheresthefbomb]

 

[Drew]

@vejichan I am going to tell you the secret, because I have this figured out. Don't repeat it because it is going to be the crux of my next best-seller.

I was drunk as shit at this girl's house I was dating and I walked into the kitchen and on the fridge there was a magnet that said "Happiness is having something to look forward to". I stared at that shit for like an hour.

Adam is usually fucking with us, I suspect, but every once in a while he drops it and unleashes some legitimately good advice. This is an example of that.

 

[Drew]

You don't need things to take your mind off work. Give your employer one chance to improve whatever is causing your job to suck and then find a new job. No job is worth killing yourself over. Unless you're in an extremely narrow field, there is always a better opportunity, with regards to both pay and working environment.

Every job has some things in it that suck, and while trying to make them better and if you can't finding a better compromise is always a good idea, and should always be an objective of yours, the reality is we don't go to work because it beats sitting on the couch with a guitar, or going for a hike up a mountain with stunning views from the summit, or playing catch with your kids or dog, or whatever it is you do that you find happiness in. And, "well, why don't you do one of those things for work," well, no one's going to pay me enough to ride my bike up mountains or make pizza or play guitar to support myself and save for retirement, so that's not actually useful advice unless you're already independently wealthy and don't actually need to work.

I've always thought that the best you can really hope for is to find a job that 1) you're good at, 2) at least holds your interest and gives you interesting problems to solve at least occasionally, and 3) pays you enough to support yourself, save for retirement, and still have the time outside of work to really do the things you love.

The OP's problem may in some part be his job, and it sounds like he has a stressful one... but I think the bigger issue is a 2- 2 1/2 hour commute, so while he's making enough to support himself and his family, he's spending all his time at work or getting to and from work, and doesn't have any sort of personal outlet in his life aside from like a half hour with his kids after a 2 1/2 hour train ride home.

@vejichan - you're living outside of, and working in, NYC, as I recall, right? What does your wife do? If you were to take a job in a different city that also employed a lot of people in your industry (financial services, or am I remembering that wrong...?), is there any reason you couldn't relocate? If you moved from the burbs of New York to, oh, Charlotte, SC, you'd probably take a nominal pay cut... but your living expenses would fall by at least as much, and getting 4-5 hours of your life back is huge in terms of quality of life and sense of purpose.

 

[Aewrik]

Every job has some things in it that suck, and while trying to make them better and if you can't finding a better compromise is always a good idea, and should always be an objective of yours, the reality is we don't go to work because it beats sitting on the couch with a guitar, or going for a hike up a mountain with stunning views from the summit, or playing catch with your kids or dog, or whatever it is you do that you find happiness in. And, "well, why don't you do one of those things for work," well, no one's going to pay me enough to ride my bike up mountains or make pizza or play guitar to support myself and save for retirement, so that's not actually useful advice unless you're already independently wealthy and don't actually need to work.

I'm sorry, but I don't see the argument you're trying to make in relation to my post.

I've always thought that the best you can really hope for is to find a job that 1) you're good at, 2) at least holds your interest and gives you interesting problems to solve at least occasionally, and 3) pays you enough to support yourself, save for retirement, and still have the time outside of work to really do the things you love.

I think this sounds like a perfectly good job! Why be satisfied with less, especially if whatever you're going to spend a third of your life is causing you discomfort?

The OP's problem may in some part be his job, and it sounds like he has a stressful one... but I think the bigger issue is a 2- 2 1/2 hour commute, so while he's making enough to support himself and his family, he's spending all his time at work or getting to and from work, and doesn't have any sort of personal outlet in his life aside from like a half hour with his kids after a 2 1/2 hour train ride home.

I agree! Maybe there's something the employer can do even if the commute is not an on-site, on-work-time problem. If not, there has to exist a job that doesn't cause stress and anxiety closer to home. Unless your employer is a personal friend, don't waste your life for them. And if they are, expect them to treat you like one or reconsider the relationship.

If your employer cannot prioritize your well-being and keep you performing without you looking for ways to escape the workload, you know exactly where you stand with them. It's not a resource or time problem. It's a question of priorities, and you're far down on that list if expressing your issue does not cause a change in priorities. A lot of people stay at a workplace out of complacency and fear of change (and keep quiet out of fear of sanctions/repercussions). And they suffer for it needlessly.

@vejichan - you're living outside of, and working in, NYC, as I recall, right? What does your wife do? If you were to take a job in a different city that also employed a lot of people in your industry (financial services, or am I remembering that wrong...?), is there any reason you couldn't relocate? If you moved from the burbs of New York to, oh, Charlotte, SC, you'd probably take a nominal pay cut... but your living expenses would fall by at least as much, and getting 4-5 hours of your life back is huge in terms of quality of life and sense of purpose.

We are in agreement! Sorry if I have a confrontational tone.

 

[Emperoff]

@vejichan (...) getting 4-5 hours of your life back is huge in terms of quality of life and sense of purpose.

WHoah! Imagine the amount of threads he could start with that much time!

 

[RevDrucifer]

I’ve been getting a 4-year lesson in handling work stress because my job is a fucking stress fest. People just report problems to me all day long and I have to fix them with limited resources/assistance across a huge commercial campus. I’m currently on day 2 of a complete staff mutiny and have been working alone (long story but my staff has literally all called out two days in a row and no, they are not sick)

Ultimately, I’ve learned some things will not change here and some things can be changed. If I want to keep my sanity, I need to detach myself from a lot of things going on here. I can’t take ANYTHING personally, even when it’s a direct personal attack (I wear a bullseye on my back here and there’s at least 2-3 people a week trying to make it seem like I don’t do my job, that’s not counting my staff who love hammering that idea into people).

At the end of the day, I only start giving a shit if someone’s life/safety is on the line. Everything else can be fixed when the tools/people are available to do so.

I thoroughly enjoy my job, it’s only the bullshit that gets in the way of that enjoyment, so I just don’t allow my emotions to get tied up into it. The crazier it is, the more I chuckle at it or roll my eyes.

After my divorce and that almost taking me out of existence, it’s a lot easier to not give a fuck about things. Knowing where my mental state went at that time, I’m never allowing myself to hit that point again and I’ll crawl through glass to ensure that never happens again, it’s just a lot of active monitoring of my thoughts and not allowing them to run freely once they enter my head.

 

[MFB]

I’ve been getting a 4-year lesson in handling work stress because my job is a fucking stress fest. People just report problems to me all day long and I have to fix them with limited resources/assistance across a huge commercial campus. I’m currently on day 2 of a complete staff mutiny and have been working alone (long story but my staff has literally all called out two days in a row and no, they are not sick)

Ultimately, I’ve learned some things will not change here and some things can be changed. If I want to keep my sanity, I need to detach myself from a lot of things going on here. I can’t take ANYTHING personally, even when it’s a direct personal attack (I wear a bullseye on my back here and there’s at least 2-3 people a week trying to make it seem like I don’t do my job, that’s not counting my staff who love hammering that idea into people).

At the end of the day, I only start giving a shit if someone’s life/safety is on the line. Everything else can be fixed when the tools/people are available to do so.

I thoroughly enjoy my job, it’s only the bullshit that gets in the way of that enjoyment, so I just don’t allow my emotions to get tied up into it. The crazier it is, the more I chuckle at it or roll my eyes.

After my divorce and that almost taking me out of existence, it’s a lot easier to not give a fuck about things. Knowing where my mental state went at that time, I’m never allowing myself to hit that point again and I’ll crawl through glass to ensure that never happens again, it’s just a lot of active monitoring of my thoughts and not allowing them to run freely once they enter my head.

This isn't the same numb-nut from before when you were doing HVAC repair right? I want to say that was residential only given how long ago it was, but it sounds like nothing changed by you going to commercial repair unfortunately.

 

[RevDrucifer]

This isn't the same numb-nut from before when you were doing HVAC repair right? I want to say that was residential only given how long ago it was, but it sounds like nothing changed by you going to commercial repair unfortunately.

Hahahaha same staff, same company. It’s a large commercial office campus. Long, long, long story short, my staff has seniority over me and the owner of the company thinks these guys are angels, despite them getting all my predecessors fired and EVERYONE knows the shit they pull.

4 years trying to put an end to it, doesn’t matter if I treat them like family or like my staff, doesn’t matter how many accolades I give them, how many raises I suggest for them, how many times I document their behavior, nothing is effective because they KNOW they will always get what they want, regardless of how absurd it is.

When you can pull consecutive no-call/no-shows and then show up and basically tell your boss to go fuck himself when he asks you to at least call if you’re going to be out of work and receive NO punishment for it, the sky is the limit!

So I just stopped caring. I get done what I can get done each day and when I get shit for it I shrug my shoulders, which is the exact same response I get when I try to resolve issues. Occasionally I have to clap back when I’m really getting shit on and then everyone does the “Ah yeah, fair point, your staff doesn’t support you….ok, your new deadline is ____”, rinse and repeat!

 

[MFB]

Hahahaha same staff, same company. It’s a large commercial office campus. Long, long, long story short, my staff has seniority over me and the owner of the company thinks these guys are angels, despite them getting all my predecessors fired and EVERYONE knows the shit they pull.

4 years trying to put an end to it, doesn’t matter if I treat them like family or like my staff, doesn’t matter how many accolades I give them, how many raises I suggest for them, how many times I document their behavior, nothing is effective because they KNOW they will always get what they want, regardless of how absurd it is.

When you can pull consecutive no-call/no-shows and then show up and basically tell your boss to go fuck himself when he asks you to at least call if you’re going to be out of work and receive NO punishment for it, the sky is the limit!

So I just stopped caring. I get done what I can get done each day and when I get shit for it I shrug my shoulders, which is the exact same response I get when I try to resolve issues. Occasionally I have to clap back when I’m really getting shit on and then everyone does the “Ah yeah, fair point, your staff doesn’t support you….ok, your new deadline is ____”, rinse and repeat!

Jesus, well you haven't been fired for four years of their shit, so that's impressive in itself depending on how long some of the others lasted; out of curiosity, have they ever gone without someone in your position, and did things go better/worse? Seems like it'd be pretty easy to gauge how many of them are necessary if they can just call out like this, while you're allowed to delay items as needed because of it. Or vice versa and push back because things go badly without your role so that in theory would normally be a good boot to the throat, but I guess not in this case if the owner loves them that much.

But I digress...