Depression - How to get motivation?

[vampiregenocide]

Thanks for all the responses guys. Means a lot. I haven't been able to reply to all of them as I'm just heading out, but I will when I get back.

Then do it at home!

Its not the most ideal situation but once you get a grip of the basics,i.e form,diet and being moderately fit, you can then go into a gym do it proper, have some experience and feel good.I for one respect guys in the gym who know what there doing and have the basics down, whereas you see a load of noobs going in there walking on a treadmill and fiddling about on a machine and you completely see the difference.

I don't care how much you're lifting, how bad/good you look or how long you been training, if you don't have the basics down you look like an idiot.What I'm getting at is do some training at home first, get a grips with some exercises etc, then walk into a gym a bit more muscular/fit than before and some knowledge to help you succeed.

Theres loads of info out there, personally I would go to this forum UK-Muscle Body Building Community - Bodybuilding Forum

Loads of info, look at the beginners sections to get you started,hell if you want to start a journal on there of you're progress, the guys on there are real cool and will give you lots of motivation and tips.

Hope this helps a bit on a exercise/gym side of things

I did a lot of weightlifting at home a while back, was going to get back into it but my back is a but funny and my osteopath said I shouldn't do weights, at least not much. I have an exercise bike so I will probably do that combined with some other stuff, just need to sit down and plan it.

You definitely have us bro! I feel the same way about this site... I honestly think without it I'd go nuts, even though I'm not a postwhore or anything.

That aside, I too suffer from depression. For me it's mostly seasonal depression - I just can NOT deal with winters and the misery of it all. But as I'm getting older, now 37, I have depression more far more often and have been feeling lately like there is no point to anything. I am NOT suicidal!! You shouldn't be either man!! Don't talk shit like that Heck, if I were to even feel that way I'd try something insane and risky first, like stealing a million bucks lol. Seriously though, unfortunately you are not going to get an answer here, and maybe not anywhere else either. Depression is a hardcore bitch that has no definitive cure... shit, doctors aren't even 100% sure of the causes of it! I will agree though with the others, give working out a shot. I don't do it cause I really just can't bring myself to it after a long days work and coming in from the freezing weather. But I did work out at points in my life and I will tell you it DID make me feel great. Even just cardio, not the body building shit.

You're a bit young though to be feeling like that so it's probably neurological. I didn't start feeling depression really heavily until my latter 20's. When I was 25 I was living it up, sleeping with chicks left and right (the wife doesn't like that part of my life even though it was before her ), going out to clubs and partying. Then again, at that point I had friends around me all the time. Now that I'm 36 I have *no friends whatsoever*! My wife is my best friend, which I'm fine with but I miss having others in my life. My last two best friends moved away to other states and no one else ever wants to hang out and do shit. Seems people get older and in a relationship and just fucking hermit themselves. I'm married and still want to hang out with people. I can't even manage to find the 3 members of my new band that are needed. It's just me and my drummer for years now.

Anyhow, so I know what you are feeling and where you are. My current situation is different but I've been where you are. Try to hold on and give whatever suggestions people lend a shot, it honestly can't hurt. If things get really bad don't do anything stupid, just go see a doctor. Some people have reported great results with meds.... though others on meds have made news committing suicide Kind of a tightrope to tell what reaction someone will have. Anyhow, best of luck man and we're here for you!


Rev.

Thanks man, I think my worry is that I'm 20 and I haven't used what are supposed to be the greatest years of my life to my best advantage. I did well at school and college, but personally and socially I'm a lot more...regressed(?) than most other people my age. I don't drink or like hanging around drunk people because it makes me immensely uncomfortable, so that leaves out a lot of social activities. I worry that I'm going to end up being a recluse and literaly having no one in my life.

Dude, I'm on the completely same page as you, except I'm not even working. I just split up with my girlfriend as well, 20 years old, no direction, the only thing I have going for me is that I have a very emotionally supporting family, a few good friends and a guitar.

HOWEVER my trick to staying sane is escapism, which probably isn't very good in the long run but it helps emotionally for the moment. I dive into video games or websites JUST LIKE I'M DOING NOW! HARRRRR! Or even just sit down and jam with some of my favourite tunes. I'll maybe tag up with a friend once or twice a week, but other than that I'm a secluded loser.

Wake up -> Shower -> Eat -> Computer -> Eat -> Computer/guitar -> Sleep -> Rinse and repeat.

That's just about my daily lameass schedule.

The best thing to do is have a goal. Mine is to tour worldwide in a good band. Take small steps to try and reach that goal. I registered on a really popular guitar website and am getting my recording equipment squared away after Christmas to try and crank some tunes out and promote the shit out of and hope that people will like it. Small steps to a larger picture.

Yeah I see what yo8u mean man, before I got a job that was my schedule too. Spent all day playing xbox and guitar and looking/waiting for work. IT distracts me from how I feel, but doesn't solve it. And I don't get anywhere playing xbox all day, unless I became a professional gamer. That'd be grand. I do have goals, but they never work out despite my efforts, so I'm become a bit jaded with them.

I didn't read everyone else's responses, so sorry if I'm redundant.

I've had manic depression for years now. But what gets me through, is the "little things" Like the other day, I stopped and noticed the ice on a branch. And it was beautiful. That was a good day for me.

Stuff like that really really helps. Like how my dog looks ridiculously cute right now when she's asleep.

I do that man as it goes. Because I love nature so much sometimes I just stop and watch the rain, or birds outside etc. The simple beauty of it reminds me of where humanity came from, which is nature in its purest form. It genuinely makes me want to go and live in the forest though.

Need motivation? Join the military.

Depressed suicidal person joining the military...seems like a perfectly good idea to me!

 

[Uncle Remus]

Need motivation? Join the military.

ROFLMFAOBBQ

Uncle Sam has infiltrated SS.org

 

[Scar Symmetry]

You know the single most important thing I have realised in my life is this:

You see what you want to see.

Focus on the bad and it will manifest itself. Focus on the good and it will manifest itself.

You are in the driving seat, choose to not let fear control you and just do what makes you happy.

The soul needs to be taken care of - give it too much of the wrong fuel and you will find it diminishing.

 

[Ckackley]

Life is a game, specifically an RPG. When you are depressed, you are bored or don't like how things are going.

Solution: Level up. Get a hobby that you can get better at. I'm not talking photography, you already kick ass at that. Get something you find mildly interesting but have no idea how to do.

Examples:
Keyboards
jogging
working out
underwater basketweaving
writing a novel
configuring a linux box

Get anything that you can IMPROVE on. Once you can put forth effort and SEE results, you'll start to feel self worth again.

/2p

This man is a genius. I was in the same place at your age man. I finally got OUT, started doing whatever I could. Working out, going to a concert, just going outside for a walk. I still have a hard time when there's nothign going on . So I FIND something to do. It makes for an exhausting lifestyle but I get SO much done. I guess you could call it harnessing a problem for good maybe ?

 

[Scar Symmetry]

But I would just try to look at the good things of life and do what you enjoy most.

This is very good advice, good call Hunter

 

[Scar Symmetry]

I didn't read everyone else's responses, so sorry if I'm redundant.

I've had manic depression for years now. But what gets me through, is the "little things" Like the other day, I stopped and noticed the ice on a branch. And it was beautiful. That was a good day for me.

Stuff like that really really helps. Like how my dog looks ridiculously cute right now when she's asleep.

Being grateful for the things we often take for granted helps a lot

 

[Guitarmiester]

Motivation is not going to come to you, you need to find ways to motivate yourself. It's easier said than done, but you need to put forth the effort to try things out of your norm. That will be tough with low self-confidence, but the results will really turn things around for you.

Exercise and a new diet was a great suggestion. That doesn't mean you need to be entering strong man contests. Work toward a healthier diet and start small with your exercise routine. Going to the gym should not be a deterrent. Create goals and push yourself to reach them. If you don't want to go to the gym, go out and buy a dumbell set, pull up bar, weight bench, go running, bicycling, etc. You're letting depression get to you if you find excuses not to do something.

I went through a rough patch 3 years ago that wasn't easy to get through, but I knew I had to make changes in order to pick myself up. Motivation isn't going to come from anyone/anywhere else but yourself. You've realized it's time to make some changes, so create a list of goals to work toward. Those goals will be your initial motivation. Once you start accomplishing things, you'll feel much better about yourself and continue down this new path.

Don't turn to medication, it's not the answer. Too many people rely on meds for such miniscule things these days.

 

[RaceCar]

I will tell you one thing. I'm 24 now, and I went through a VERY similar experience as you. when I was 20, it was the single most depressing year of my life. I ALSO had my gf of 4 years (who I thought I was going to marry) leave me for another guy, and found out she also had been cheating on me for 2 years. Thats right, 2 fucking years, she pulled it off.

20 is an insanely tough time. And you know what my Mom told me? She said that "most men would say that 20s are a very tough and depressing time."

Trust me, I know where you are coming from. Everything seems grey, no direction, no motivation, severe emotional numbness/depression. I've been there. I used to wake up every morning with a big "sighhhh" because it felt like "Oh great. Another fucking day I have to get through, dealing with the fact that everything my gf ever told me was a lie. When will this all be over?!?"

It takes some time man. There's no denying that. I think once you get past age 20, a new year will begin, and althought it might take a while to get over your ex, you WILL. Don't ever listen to anyone who says "First love is the only love." That is the biggest crock of shit ive ever heard. I thought my ex was the only one for me, that there wasnt a single soul in the universe that was as good for me as her, and guess what? At age 23 I found a girl who I love more than I ever thought was possible, it TRIPLES the love i felt for my ex, and Ive been with her for 2 years. And she literally just came out of nowhere. I promise you man, the next time you find a girl and fall in love, it will knock you on your ass with how powerful it will be. That is a guarantee.

My best advice for you are the following 3 things. These are the only pieces of advice that succesfully helped me through a major, dark, deep depression like you are currently witnessing:

1. Regarding the girl - remember this quote: "Your pride will keep you company until you find something better." Just put your foot down and say to yourself "I deserve better, I deserve a equal, mutual balanced love and anything else is bullshit."

2. Be around as many friends as possible, distract yourself. Being alone in solitude is the WORST possible thing you can do to yourself right now. You need to be around people to truly realize how awesome everything can be.

3. You need to distract yourself with whatever else you can, especially music/guitar/metal. Music is a great escape from reality, if not the best.

You'll get through it man, like I said, 20 is a really hard time for any man. But it will get better, it does get better. Every man has a serious lull at one point or another. But when it's good again, it will be FUCKING AWESOME and you will appreciate it so much more. "You can't have the sweet without the sour."

Hope any of this nonsense helps man. Cheers and keep your head up.

 

[orb451]

There's a lot of good advice in here Ross Remember, fundamentally, you are NOT alone. I know that's the dumbest, most cliche thing to say, but trust me, you're not. Lots of us have been there at one point or another in our lives.

I think maybe the girlfriend situation is weighing on you more than you might realize. Low self-esteem or low self-image + breakup = questioning one's worth. Especially if you know it was for "someone else". Makes you think and feel worthless. You're not dude, and you already know that in time, that pain will pass. And the worst part about having no motivation and being depressed is that it's a cycle.

It just compounds and snowballs, that feeling of hopelessness, disinterest and withdrawal.

Like I said, there's a lot of good advice in here so far, I'd take that advice and adapt it to you personally. If you're not comfortable turning into a gym rat, then don't, do what makes *you* comfortable, but *try*. Try to do things that bring you out of your shell. A tiny bit at a time. You're starting your 20's man, that should be *the* time to enjoy the living FUCK out of life. But instead of worrying about things long term, like when you'll feel better, why you should be *over* it by now, etc, don't kick yourself in the nuts any longer than you have to and just take each day as it comes. That's all you can do.

And don't kill yourself. Just don't. You shit yourself dude. Do you really want to shit yourself in front of everyone? I didn't think so. So don't do it. Jokes aside though, speaking as someone that's had a gun to his head, it's NOT the thing to do. So don't.

And one last bit, regarding doctors, if you tried one and it didn't take, you could/should try another. BUT, you might be the type of person that just doesn't feel comfortable opening up to some random yahoo face-to-face. Or the idea of going to some office somewhere to hash things out, on the spot, starting and stopping by the almighty clock just makes you uncomfortable or annoyed, then don't beat yourself up over it. Don't dwell on that. You have an outlet on here, nothing sad about that at all.

I do hope you feel better!

 

[Revan132]

I will tell you one thing. I'm 24 now, and I went through a VERY similar experience as you. when I was 20, it was the single most depressing year of my life. I ALSO had my gf of 4 years (who I thought I was going to marry) leave me for another guy, and found out she also had been cheating on me for 2 years. Thats right, 2 fucking years, she pulled it off.

20 is an insanely tough time. And you know what my Mom told me? She said that "most men would say that 20s are a very tough and depressing time."

Trust me, I know where you are coming from. Everything seems grey, no direction, no motivation, severe emotional numbness/depression. I've been there. I used to wake up every morning with a big "sighhhh" because it felt like "Oh great. Another fucking day I have to get through, dealing with the fact that everything my gf ever told me was a lie. When will this all be over?!?"

It takes some time man. There's no denying that. I think once you get past age 20, a new year will begin, and althought it might take a while to get over your ex, you WILL. Don't ever listen to anyone who says "First love is the only love." That is the biggest crock of shit ive ever heard. I thought my ex was the only one for me, that there wasnt a single soul in the universe that was as good for me as her, and guess what? At age 23 I found a girl who I love more than I ever thought was possible, it TRIPLES the love i felt for my ex, and Ive been with her for 2 years. And she literally just came out of nowhere. I promise you man, the next time you find a girl and fall in love, it will knock you on your ass with how powerful it will be. That is a guarantee.

My best advice for you are the following 3 things. These are the only pieces of advice that succesfully helped me through a major, dark, deep depression like you are currently witnessing:

1. Regarding the girl - remember this quote: "Your pride will keep you company until you find something better." Just put your foot down and say to yourself "I deserve better, I deserve a equal, mutual balanced love and anything else is bullshit."

2. Be around as many friends as possible, distract yourself. Being alone in solitude is the WORST possible thing you can do to yourself right now. You need to be around people to truly realize how awesome everything can be.

3. You need to distract yourself with whatever else you can, especially music/guitar/metal. Music is a great escape from reality, if not the best.

You'll get through it man, like I said, 20 is a really hard time for any man. But it will get better, it does get better. Every man has a serious lull at one point or another. But when it's good again, it will be FUCKING AWESOME and you will appreciate it so much more. "You can't have the sweet without the sour."

Hope any of this nonsense helps man. Cheers and keep your head up.

My girlfriend of almost 4 years just broke up with me 2 days ago. I wrote down the 2 quotes in step #1...thanks for that!
Depression freakin' sucks man, I feel like shit but hopefully it will all get better in time.

 

[Randy]

Deconstruction comes out this coming year.

/thread

 

[megano28]

Sometimes people become depressed due to a lack of variety, try to change up your schedule...if you are always doing something, you won't have time to feel bad for yourself. Try hanging out with new people and if you an introverted person, force yourself to get out there, you'll go through hell as you do it, but if you think about it like a video game, it'll be valuable EXP in the long run.
Hey man, when it comes to confidence, sometimes you kind of have to fake it, until it begins to develop. When I was around 10-11 I was a little fat kid in elementary school. None of the girls paid attention to me, always had some fat joke thrown my way and my parents didn't help at all, they'd used any opportunity to tell me I needed to lose weight. To be honest I felt like shit, during that period of my life probably the worst I've ever been. When I got to around age 12-13, I grew like 6-8 inches(5'8") and consequently slimed down, I picked up soccer/weight lifting and metal music. Metal gave me the "I Don't Give A Fuck" mentality while soccer/weights help my conditioning. Because of these two, all of a sudden, girls started talking to me more, and size and build intimidated most guys. I was an introverted guy before this happened, but I decided to put myself out there and because of it I improved my social skills. I ended up becoming pretty successful with the girls, yet I had never had a GF before 7th grade. I had to fake my confidence those first years of my improved fitness, because I was a wreck prior to it. Yet eventually it grew to the point that I am now.
My point TS, is that you should try tone up(or pick up a sport), so you feel better about yourself on the outside, and use fake confidence, as a substitutte, until it has genuinely grown inside you. You can try setting baby step goals as well so that you have something to look forward to. If you do this though, I suggest you make a bet with someone or something though, as you are more likely to do it if you have someone who will be 'checking' you as you go along.

 

[TXDeathMetal]

Don't let your past define or dictate your future. Just because you've been through and experienced hard times doesn't mean that's who you are or who you're going to be, you have to have faith in yourself that you WILL overcome this and make something great out of yourself. I think you should get back in school (not the same one as the ex obviously as thats just not a good situation for you to be in and will distract you from your studies) and work towards a career that you'll be happy with. As others have suggested start working out because if you stick with it and start looking good then you'll start feeling good and better about yourself. Maybe take up writing... just write down your thoughts, write lyrics or poems or a short story, etc... Maybe take up an outdoors activity like fishing, the reason I say this is because it will provide you an outlet or a form of escapism where you can be one with nature and just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet of your surroundings... it's very soothing and therapeutic.

 

[vampiregenocide]

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm trying to be optimistic, but its getting harder, especially now I'm done with education and I have to concentrate on a career now. I'm having trouble putting that into perspective.

Deconstruction comes out this coming year.

/thread

True.

I will tell you one thing. I'm 24 now, and I went through a VERY similar experience as you. when I was 20, it was the single most depressing year of my life. I ALSO had my gf of 4 years (who I thought I was going to marry) leave me for another guy, and found out she also had been cheating on me for 2 years. Thats right, 2 fucking years, she pulled it off.

20 is an insanely tough time. And you know what my Mom told me? She said that "most men would say that 20s are a very tough and depressing time."

Trust me, I know where you are coming from. Everything seems grey, no direction, no motivation, severe emotional numbness/depression. I've been there. I used to wake up every morning with a big "sighhhh" because it felt like "Oh great. Another fucking day I have to get through, dealing with the fact that everything my gf ever told me was a lie. When will this all be over?!?"

It takes some time man. There's no denying that. I think once you get past age 20, a new year will begin, and althought it might take a while to get over your ex, you WILL. Don't ever listen to anyone who says "First love is the only love." That is the biggest crock of shit ive ever heard. I thought my ex was the only one for me, that there wasnt a single soul in the universe that was as good for me as her, and guess what? At age 23 I found a girl who I love more than I ever thought was possible, it TRIPLES the love i felt for my ex, and Ive been with her for 2 years. And she literally just came out of nowhere. I promise you man, the next time you find a girl and fall in love, it will knock you on your ass with how powerful it will be. That is a guarantee.

My best advice for you are the following 3 things. These are the only pieces of advice that succesfully helped me through a major, dark, deep depression like you are currently witnessing:

1. Regarding the girl - remember this quote: "Your pride will keep you company until you find something better." Just put your foot down and say to yourself "I deserve better, I deserve a equal, mutual balanced love and anything else is bullshit."

2. Be around as many friends as possible, distract yourself. Being alone in solitude is the WORST possible thing you can do to yourself right now. You need to be around people to truly realize how awesome everything can be.

3. You need to distract yourself with whatever else you can, especially music/guitar/metal. Music is a great escape from reality, if not the best.

You'll get through it man, like I said, 20 is a really hard time for any man. But it will get better, it does get better. Every man has a serious lull at one point or another. But when it's good again, it will be FUCKING AWESOME and you will appreciate it so much more. "You can't have the sweet without the sour."

Hope any of this nonsense helps man. Cheers and keep your head up.

Thanks for those bits of advice man, I am trying those at the moment, but I don't know. I write a lot of music, poetry and shit to try and get things out of my mind, but its one of those moods where you're so pissed off you can't even get those feelings down.

 

[RaceCar]

but its getting harder, especially now I'm done with education and I have to concentrate on a career now. I'm having trouble putting that into perspective.

Believe me man thats one of the hardest transitions in life that NOBODY can prepare you for, even tho they may try all your life. Its called a middle life crisis (or a quarter life crisis in your case). I went through that last year when I was 23. Its a MINDFUCK going from the comfort and excitement of school immediatlely to the real world. But you'll get used to it. At first its a real shocker, but ask anyone, we all go through it. Also, just look at it this way: you're never "done" with education. You can always go back. Who knows what your interests will be in 10 years. Or you might find a job where you don't necessarily need education.

Just try not to compile everything into one miserable lump, which is what you're doing right now. Just accept that its mainly the loss of your girlfriend that is causing this depression (and I'm sure it is). I know that everything else can seem grim without her, but that will mend with time and pride. Take advantages of the little things in life too, like a tasty metal riff, a nice piss while taking a warm shower, a cold tasty beer, etc. The little things in life help remind you that you're lucky to be alive. Here's another good quote that will get you through the dark ages:

"Happiness depends more on inward disposition of the mind, rather than outward circumstances."

 

[Adam Of Angels]

Some smart mother fuckers around these parts

 

[Stealthdjentstic]

You know the single most important thing I have realised in my life is this:

You see what you want to see.

Focus on the bad and it will manifest itself. Focus on the good and it will manifest itself.

You are in the driving seat, choose to not let fear control you and just do what makes you happy.

The soul needs to be taken care of - give it too much of the wrong fuel and you will find it diminishing.

Great advice is great

It all works like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Try faking it till you make it so to say. If you feel bad pretend to be really happy and act outgoing and soon you'll become that way. Act like you're full of confidence and soon you'll become full of confidence. Some people might call you narcissistic but you should just remind them you're realistic.

 

[Meatbucket]

Some wise mother fuckers around these parts

Edited for good graces.
Also: The more posts I read, the more I love this place.

 

[Scar Symmetry]

Great advice is great

It all works like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Try faking it till you make it so to say. If you feel bad pretend to be really happy and act outgoing and soon you'll become that way. Act like you're full of confidence and soon you'll become full of confidence. Some people might call you narcissistic but you should just remind them you're realistic.

 

[vampiregenocide]

Great advice is great

It all works like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Try faking it till you make it so to say. If you feel bad pretend to be really happy and act outgoing and soon you'll become that way. Act like you're full of confidence and soon you'll become full of confidence. Some people might call you narcissistic but you should just remind them you're realistic.

Man if you met me you'd see I'm a pretty happy, confident and out-going person. A lot of these issues I talk about I keep under wraps to myself, and just carry on with life.

Also: The more posts I read, the more I love this place.