SS Love and Relationships Thread

[TedEH]

Ironically, that's an extremely common foundation for many enduring relationships.

I do tend to think that this sets me up to potentially be very successful in the odd case that I end up meeting someone who is similarly comfortable with themselves and we happen to hit it off. I'm not counting on it happening any time soon, per se, but if it does, then all the better.

 

[lurè]

Ironically, that's an extremely common foundation for many enduring relationships.

Lots of people say so, I think it has to do to the fact that gives a sense of security for a relationship.
Some people (I'd include myself) probably find better sense of security in a single-ness status.

A relationship most of the time works around compromises on both sides: How much are you willing to lose and give it to your SO?

People who are not ready or don't want to sacrifice a part of their "freedom" in the sense of doing everything that comes in their mind or simply living their everyday routine, prefer remain single or are not actively looking for a partner.

 

[synrgy]

I mostly meant it in-contrast to folks who are single but hoping for a relationship to come along and 'save'/'fix' them.

Until one is happy with themselves/their-circumstances, one doesn't have much (if anything) to offer in a prospective healthy relationship.

I wasn't meaning to speak to any implied unwillingness to compromise in a relationship; that's a whole different thing.

 

[TedEH]

A couple of days ago I got into a weird conversation - almost an argument - where someone I work with just couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I don't actively want to be in a relationship.

 

[cwhitey2]

A couple of days ago I got into a weird conversation - almost an argument - where someone I work with just couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I don't actively want to be in a relationship.

I have been single for so long I don't even know how to act around a girl l like

That being said, the last girl I was seeing loved my awkwardness, which I thought it was odd she was attacked to that lmfao

 

[TedEH]

I suppose this is a good problem to have on some level, but I've occasionally gotten into situations where someone was attracted to me quite a bit, but I just couldn't bring myself to give up my singleness. They're cases where I could have made it work if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I think I saw it partly as a threat to my independence as well. I've come across this sort of common joke/sentiment of men being "afraid of commitment" and there's probably something real to it. It would take an impressively good match for me to be willing to be tied down to another person at this point. And I'm willing to admit I'm a difficult person to match up with.

 

[xzacx]

I have been single for so long I don't even know how to act around a girl l like

This could bring up the old chicken-or-the-egg debate hahahah (just kidding with you, I don't mean that in a rude way)

 

[Obsidian Soul]

Well, I didn't want to post this, but I wanted to stimulate the thread.

I'm at a crossroads, or so I think so. There's this girl that works at a Walmart near me, and last week when I went in we kept meeting eyes because I felt her staring at me. So, this Wednesday, I feigned needing help, and she had this big nervous smile the whole time. Eventually, I asked if she was busy this Saturday, and she hesitated and said, "I kinda...have a boyfriend."

I've asked other people what it means because I'm inexperienced with the entire realm of romance. One person said that she's not committed and I still had a chance to offer my number. Another person said that they think she's already seeing a guy, but they haven't made anything official yet. I thought that no matter if she really did or didn't that she was off limits.

At the end of the day, I'm perplexed because I'm a lot like the guy in the thread that got locked down. I'm fighting a depression with no hopes of winning. Even if I sway her to leave the guy she's dating, I fear that I wouldn't be an upgrade and that I'd only pull her down rather than her pull me up,...but as someone told me,"...the heart wants."

This is the Love & Relationships thread, so I don't want any motivational speeches. I just want to know if I should keep talking to her or leave her be, or maybe you guys have an alternate view on the matter.

 

[cwhitey2]

Well, I didn't want to post this, but I wanted to stimulate the thread.

I'm at a crossroads, or so I think so. There's this girl that works at a Walmart near me, and last week when I went in we kept meeting eyes because I felt her staring at me. So, this Wednesday, I feigned needing help, and she had this big nervous smile the whole time. Eventually, I asked if she was busy this Saturday, and she hesitated and said, "I kinda...have a boyfriend."

I've asked other people what it means because I'm inexperienced with the entire realm of romance. One person said that she's not committed and I still had a chance to offer my number. Another person said that they think she's already seeing a guy, but they haven't made anything official yet. I thought that no matter if she really did or didn't that she was off limits.

At the end of the day, I'm perplexed because I'm a lot like the guy in the thread that got locked down. I'm fighting a depression with no hopes of winning. Even if I sway her to leave the guy she's dating, I fear that I wouldn't be an upgrade and that I'd only pull her down rather than her pull me up,...but as someone told me,"...the heart wants."

This is the Love & Relationships thread, so I don't want any motivational speeches. I just want to know if I should keep talking to her or leave her be, or maybe you guys have an alternate view on the matter.

Keep talking to her! You never know what the future holds!

The last girl I was actually interested in dating randomly started dating a dude after we were hanging out for like 4 months solid. Was I pissed? You bet, but it also may have not been the right time for us either. I wholeheartedly believe that you may meet people/someone at the wrong time in life, but that doesn't mean it would never work...it just means 'not now'.

I stopped talking to her for a solid 2 months because I was so pissed. I will randomly snapchat and her response is ALWAYS "i miss you" That leads to believe it was the wrong time in out lives.

 

[Rosal76]

Keep talking to her! You never know what the future holds!

+1.

Some girls enjoy guys who still talk to them even though they (the girls) have boyfriends.

I used to work with this girl who I thought was hot and she would tell me about this new guy she just started seeing. Some guys would just stop right there, stop talking and give up. Not me. LOL! I would crack jokes with her saying stuff like, "Hey Shannon, you're going on your third date with John this weekend? Would you like to borrow my Barry White love songs C.D so something magical can happen that night? LOL". She didn't know who Barry White was so she completely ruined that joke. And, "hey Shannon, you and John should watch Titanic together so he holds you closer. Oh, you saw it already. O.K. How about the Notebook with Ryan Gosling. I've got both on DVD. LOL."

I don't know what it was but I guess she saw that I was comfortable with her seeing this new guy. A few weeks later she dropped him and started to be interested in me but unfortunately, I already liked someone else. The timing was definitely wrong in that situation but that's life.

 

[cwhitey2]

+1.

Some girls enjoy guys who still talk to them even though they (the girls) have boyfriends.

I used to work with this girl who I thought was hot and she would tell me about this new guy she just started seeing. Some guys would just stop right there, stop talking and give up. Not me. LOL! I would crack jokes with her saying stuff like, "Hey Shannon, you're going on your third date with John this weekend? Would you like to borrow my Barry White love songs C.D so something magical can happen that night? LOL". She didn't know who Barry White was so she completely ruined that joke. And, "hey Shannon, you and John should watch Titanic together so he holds you closer. Oh, you saw it already. O.K. How about the Notebook with Ryan Gosling. I've got both on DVD. LOL."

I don't know what it was but I guess she saw that I was comfortable with her seeing this new guy. A few weeks later she dropped him and started to be interested in me but unfortunately, I already liked someone else. The timing was definitely wrong in that situation but that's life.

I feel like some girls test guys like that to see if they get jealous easily, I could be wrong though...cause I'm a guy and all

 

[Rosal76]

I feel like some girls test guys like that to see if they get jealous easily,

For some girls, they do. I've met many girls who have tested me for my jealously. I just tell them what they want to hear. Some of the things I've said in the past:

"Yes, Leilani, the 22 pictures that you took on the beach wearing your new bikini..., with your boyfriends hand around your ass, is nice".

"Yes, Allison, the new tattoo that your boyfriend paid for that you got above your butt is lovely".

"Yes, Shannon, I'd love to hear all the guys who are, "winking" at you on "single/males/looking/for/big/booty/white/girls/.com. * Not a real dating site but she did tell me about all these guys who were interested in her.

LOL! Seriously, though, that's what I really tell them. Just so they can stop probing me for reactions.

 

[cwhitey2]

For some girls, they do. I've met many girls who have tested me for my jealously. I just tell them what they want to hear. Some of the things I've said in the past:

"Yes, Leilani, the 22 pictures that you took on the beach wearing your new bikini..., with your boyfriends hand around your ass, is nice".

"Yes, Allison, the new tattoo that your boyfriend paid for that you got above your butt is lovely".

"Yes, Shannon, I'd love to hear all the guys who are, "winking" at you on "single/males/looking/for/big/booty/white/girls/.com. * Not a real dating site but she did tell me about all these guys who were interested in her.

LOL! Seriously, though, that's what I really tell them. Just so they can stop probing me for reactions.

 

[spudmunkey]

I think the key is to say it in the voice of Steven Wright, while rolling your eyes so far you have to crane your neck to complete the eye-rolling motion...and to make sure they see you doing it.

 

[spudmunkey]

I feel like some girls test guys like that to see if they get jealous easily, I could be wrong though...cause I'm a guy and all

It's not to see IF they get jealous easy, but to see what their reaction is, to make sure they are jealous ENOUGH...because for some, if you don't flip your lid, it's because you don't love them enough to care.

 

[Vyn]

Keep talking to her! You never know what the future holds!

+1. Conversation is how things start. Might not start straight away, if ever. But it's guaranteed to go nowhere if you don't talk.

 

[groverj3]

Back to the Tinderverse after a two and a half year hiatus. Bummer.

But, after trying to make a long-distance deal between Arizona and Oregon work eventually you have to have some sort of plan to get back together. No hard feelings toward her. It just blows.

 

[TedEH]

Tinderverse

I don't understand the weird landscape that things like Tinder have created. Maybe I'm "using these apps wrong", but it seems like a horribly broken system.

Consider that people don't meet in person because now you can meet people via apps. Even those trying to meet people seriously do it online now. If you're not the type to go out to bars (or you don't want to date the types who spend a lot of time in bars), then there really aren't appropriate social spaces to meet anyone anymore.
But now you don't meet people in apps either, be it because there's more bots than people, or there's a built-in distrust of the attached hookup culture to it.
Or maybe I'm just really unattractive or something.
But the end result is that dating just no longer happens, I guess?

 

[DrakkarTyrannis]

Don't mind me...I'm just here to look at straight guy problems from the safety and comfort of my gayness

 

[Spaced Out Ace]

Safety?