Problems with band member
- Thread starter Riffer
- Start date
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And get blacklisted for ruining a wedding.
Millul
Well-Known Member
If you do go for it, please at least film it for all to see 
Had to fire our singer and bassist, a long time back when I was in bands, for similar reasons - had to be done, got done.
Had to fire our singer and bassist, a long time back when I was in bands, for similar reasons - had to be done, got done.
Ross82
Well-Known Member
100% dont do it before the gig. In fact you're even better off to do it after the gig to see if she turns up late, or displays any of the other issues you've mentioned and have the discussion after the gig while the behavior is fresh and its not like you're pulling issues out of thin air.
James W Thomas
Dr. Jim (Actual doctor, but not that kind)
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I'm liking the idea of having a different singer just for vaccinated-only gigs (for now). What a great opportunity to make a relatively painless transition - it's a great opportunity to train up someone good but a little green if needed. Having a non-threatening way to keep multiple singers on tap during normal times is really helpful anyway since they're legit more prone to illness (voices are more fragile then hands), etc.
JDinSC
Well-Known Member
A lot of good advice here, and I've only read a portion of it in depth, but I feel compelled to share my feelings and an example story.
The behavior has been allowed and not stopped when it started. It's now learned behavior that she is not going to change regardless of what you say. it's now time to "do" something about it.
My example:
A guitarist in my touring original band showed up and performed high on valium once. He received one warning. "Don't do this again, your performance slipped and we had to baby sit your high ass. You're a grown ass man." There was other things, but I draw a line at drug use that affects the professionalism of what was, at this time, a touring original band that was profitable with management and label connections.
He did it again at the next show. I/we fired him at the next rehearsal, took the hit of having to reschedule shows and just yanked the band aid off. We ended up with a much better outcome and in the long run, it was the best call for the band.
If you have a talk with her, sit her down, air the grievances professionally and clearly. Make it clear this much change and that change must be permanent. If it is not changed immediately or any of these behaviors happen just ONCE more, you're done.
Once you've made this statement, nut up and stick to it. If she takes the band even the least bit serious, she'll make an effort. If she doesn't and screws up, move on.
Morally and ethically it makes sense, as if you've given her the chance to rectify the situation and you've put the ball in her court.
Is it going to suck? Yes. Is it going to suck any worse than being publicly and professionally shamed by bad behavior and habits of a member of your band? Probably not. Pull the band aid.
Once you've moved on, you can set the bar for your expectations and prevent the learned behavior that is not only wearing on you, but wearing on your other members and WORSE YET, your professional relationships and connections that allow you to do this profitably and with a regular schedule.
Stop the bleeding before it hurts the band any further.
The behavior has been allowed and not stopped when it started. It's now learned behavior that she is not going to change regardless of what you say. it's now time to "do" something about it.
My example:
A guitarist in my touring original band showed up and performed high on valium once. He received one warning. "Don't do this again, your performance slipped and we had to baby sit your high ass. You're a grown ass man." There was other things, but I draw a line at drug use that affects the professionalism of what was, at this time, a touring original band that was profitable with management and label connections.
He did it again at the next show. I/we fired him at the next rehearsal, took the hit of having to reschedule shows and just yanked the band aid off. We ended up with a much better outcome and in the long run, it was the best call for the band.
If you have a talk with her, sit her down, air the grievances professionally and clearly. Make it clear this much change and that change must be permanent. If it is not changed immediately or any of these behaviors happen just ONCE more, you're done.
Once you've made this statement, nut up and stick to it. If she takes the band even the least bit serious, she'll make an effort. If she doesn't and screws up, move on.
Morally and ethically it makes sense, as if you've given her the chance to rectify the situation and you've put the ball in her court.
Is it going to suck? Yes. Is it going to suck any worse than being publicly and professionally shamed by bad behavior and habits of a member of your band? Probably not. Pull the band aid.
Once you've moved on, you can set the bar for your expectations and prevent the learned behavior that is not only wearing on you, but wearing on your other members and WORSE YET, your professional relationships and connections that allow you to do this profitably and with a regular schedule.
Stop the bleeding before it hurts the band any further.
LostTheTone
Elegant Djentleman
To be fair, if I was the OP I too would worry about ulterior motives from every thirsty motherfucker in this thread. Announcing to the world "Our singer is smoking hot and by the way should we kick her out of our band so she can join your band?" is a bit... You don't get good advice that way, you know?
TedEH
Cromulent
I agree 100%, but at the same time, there's something to be said about the added popularity/success a band can find on account of said thirsty motherfuckers. I wouldn't be proud to factor that into whether or not to keep a singer around but at the same time there's some truth to it.
LostTheTone
Elegant Djentleman
I know man, but many a truth is told in jest, you know?
And you are like the eighth person in this thread to say "Alright, let's have a look at 'er..." .
NoodleFace
Delicious Noodles
Wow.. I would've fired long ago. You guys have patience.
michael_bolton
SS.org Regular
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I'm assuming by now you've looked for a potential replacement. I would obv factor that situation into whatever decisions you'll be making - you probably don't want flat out kick her out until you at least audition someone - not like she stole shit or puked on the amp lol.
also you never know what you're walking into with other ppl - with her issues shit seems somewhat fixable as opposed to e.g. substance abuse issues. she just sounds like an airhead tbh.
so I guess my take on it is make sure you have a plan before making any drastic decisions.
/captain obvious
also you never know what you're walking into with other ppl - with her issues shit seems somewhat fixable as opposed to e.g. substance abuse issues. she just sounds like an airhead tbh.
so I guess my take on it is make sure you have a plan before making any drastic decisions.
/captain obvious
metallicity
...
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Wondering if this was Sunday the 22nd or an upcoming Sunday?
It was this past Sunday the 22nd. We are actually having the discussion at our rehearsal tonight instead. We all just wanted to get home after the wedding on Sunday since it was super late at night and there was a tropical depression hitting New York at that time so we didn't want to have to stay up that way any longer than we had to. We'll see what happens tonight.
LostTheTone
Elegant Djentleman
Tropical depression would be a good name for a band.
Sounds like a musical genre I need to research.
Anyway, is anyone taking bets as to whether the singer shows up for rehearsal tonight or not?
What are the odds on no one showing up for rehearsal?
